ant Page 786 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Beware Of Bicycles, Young Frenchman
As a followup to yesterday's Tony Parker-Eva Longoria dustup with the San Antonio police department, the great Smoking Gun — whose annual holiday gift just arrived in our mailbox — has dug up the official police report from the incident. It doesn't have too much extra information from the original...
Jim Mora, Blowin' Up!
Four days after his outburst following the Falcons' playoff hopes-ending loss to Tampa Bay last week, Atlanta coach Jim Mora Jr. is still doing damage control. In case you missed it, Mora, doing a radio interview with the Falcons' affiliate after the game, flipped out after being asked about a que...
The Spurs Hate Mexicans (Or Something Like That)
A one-act play, using only displaced quotes from the police report of the citation Spurs guard Tony Parker received after an incident in San Antonio on Christmas Eve with his girlfriend, "Desperate Housewives" "actress" Eva Longoria....
Clearing The 1 o'clock Table...
• San Diego 7, Kansas City 20. So, what did you use for pregame motivation, Marty, the tape of Jim Mora screaming, "PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS?!" I feel much pain. • Buffalo 37, Cincinnati 27. Rough day for Chad Johnson. First, someone stole his reindeer (I HATE YOU, whoever it was), and then, they lose to ...
Tuna About To Spoil?
ESPN's Chris Mortensen reported this morning that Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells is considering retiring at the conclusion of this year. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is pushing him to sign an extension, but the death of Parcells' brother a few weeks ago has him thinking retirement, according to Mor...
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
Giants Lead Chiefs At The Half
Thanks mainly to a goal-line stop of Larry Johnson, one of the worst defensive efforts you'll ever see by the Chiefs, a turnover late in the half, and a Jay Feely field goal attempt that was evidently influenced by divine intervention, the Giants lead the Chiefs 10-3 at halftime....
Sources Say Reggie Bush Turning Pro
The Los Angeles Daily News is reporting that Reggie Bush will turn pro and is already being advised by Mike Ornstein of Reebok, who also used to work for the Raiders. When pressed to reveal their sources, the Daily News identified them as "pretty much anyone who watches any football whatsoever."...
Your Takes On The Sex Boat Wrapup
We love doing this site, but, to be honest, what we might love the most are you, the readers. Your comments are the highlights of our days, and not just because you're funnier than we are. We thought we'd take this opportunity to showcase our personal favorite slices of hilarity from today's earli...
The Full Report On The Sex Boat
So, hey, anybody else actually dug into these whole Vikings criminal complaints, the ones The Smoking Gun grabbed? If you haven't yet, we suggest you do, because it's even more entertaining than you thought. But, we understand, you're very busy at work today. So allow us to help you out. We've dug...
Athlete Run-In: On Call For Antonio
Today's final athlete run-in story comes to us from Madison, Wisc., via comedian Nick Mortensen, and it must be true, because in the first sentence, he confesses he was a cheerleader in high school. It's about former Packer wide receiver Antonio Freeman....
Kobe's Four-Year Moratorium On The Word "Sex"
Quote: "My nose is a little crooked, man. I'm normally super, super sexy. I'm just super sexy now." — Kobe Bryant, after being kicked in the face by the Timberwolves' Anthony Carter...
NFL Roundup: "I Disagree With Your Decision And Shall Protest Thusly"
• It's funny, because if you remember when Guenther Cunningham actually coached the Chiefs, you'd understand that here, he's just giving his unique signal to go for two. • It's like the Chargers suddenly remembered that Marty Schottenheimer's their coach. • Anybody see the new ESPN magazine? (Anyb...
Is there any chance Vince Young wins this thing?
I really don't see it. The only outside chance Young has is if somehow, Leinart and Bush split the west coast votes, and that the east coast bias is far more powerful than any of us think. Actually, that wouldn't even work. It would have to be a Texas bias, or just an outright west coast hatred....
Athlete Run-In: Julian Tavarez's Rocket Arm
Today's first athlete run-in story is about one of our favorite insane athletes, (former) Cardinals reliever Julian Tavarez, a guy just crazy enough not only to break his hand punching a phone in a playoff game, but then come out the next night and try to catch a comebacker with that very same han...
Those Amazing Panthers Twins
Well, you know, all football players look alike anyway....
Don't Snitch, Little Girl
Yesterday, Nuggets forward/guard/swingman/ whatever Carmelo Anthony was fined $5,000 for throwing a ball into the stands and hitting an 11-year-old girl in the head....
The Face Of Lesbian Cheerleader Terror
All right, thanks to Gambling911.com (now that Oddjack's gone, there are all kinds of sites we're gonna have to keep an eye on), we have a picture of Melissa Holden, the woman punched by Carolina Panthers cheerleader Renee Thomas after Holden interrupted Thomas' and Angela Keathley's Commode Copul...
The Lady The Lesbian Cheerleader Punched
Anybody still care about the Carolina Panthers lesbian cheerleaders? Anyone? Jeez, all right, all right, not all at once, people, settle down, sheesh....
Why Steve Smith Will Always Be Second
A friend of ours yesterday was asking us why, in our unprofessional opinion, Chad Johnson receives so much love for his touchdown celebrations while the Panthers' Steve Smith, who scores more touchdowns, catches more passes and does his own fair share of creative celebrating, is barely noticed. We...