as Page 1006 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Swaggering Youth Devastated By Crafty Old Baller
A strapping young lad—fearing, as many young basketball lads foolishly do, to body up a savvy old baller going butt first into the paint—was savagely ruined by his wizened opponent, on the craftiest of sleight-of-hand pump fakes:...
Ronald Acuña Jr. Is Donging His Way Into The Record Books
Ronald Acuña Jr.—the second-most impressive sub-legal drinking age player in the NL East—is having an extremely good time these days. He’s batting leadoff for an Atlanta Braves team that suddenly finds itself half a game up in the division, and he is smoking the hell out of the damn baseball....
Leonys Martín Battling Life-Threatening Bacterial Infection
Leonys Martín has been out for the Indians with an undisclosed illness since Wednesday, August 8. This started to look like it might be quite a bit more serious than the usual flu-like symptoms on Friday, when manager Terry Francona gave an ominous update of Martín’s condition:...
The Constantly Stupid Braves Announcing Booth Has Infected Jeff Francoeur
Even in a profession that asks old men to talk about baseball non-stop for four hours a night, the Atlanta Braves’ announcing team stands out for its dedication to infuriating dumbassery. Most often, it’s the duo of Joe Simpson and Chip Caray who do the heavy lifting, running their mouths about suit...
Minor League Baseball Team Wins On A Three-Run Walk-Off Uncaught Third Strike<em></em>
Minor league baseball is nuts, man. The Burlington Bees had already bled two runs to the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers in the bottom of the ninth of Friday’s Class-A game, but they still had two outs and two strikes against batter Nic Pierre with the bases loaded. The Timber Rattlers’ left fielder struc...
Edwin Dí<em></em>az Will Save Every Damn Game If He Has To
After closing three games in three days, Edwin Díaz was supposed to have Sunday off. It didn’t look like the Mariners would need him anyway, as they trailed the Astros heading to the ninth. But Ryon Healy homered to tie the game, and then Mitch Haniger doubled in the go-ahead run in the 10th, and Dí...
WNBA's Dallas Wings Fire Head Coach After Argument With Team President
The Dallas Wings are three games under .500 after losing eight straight. They still have a shot to get the WNBA’s last playoff spot, but they’ll have to reach that goal under a new head coach, because their old one just got canned....
Max Scherzer, Still An Intense Weirdo
Lost in the thrill of rookie David Bote’s spectacular walk-off grand slam was the best pitching duel of perhaps the entire season. New Cubs acquisition Cole Hamels threw seven innings of one-hit, one-run ball, and Max Scherzer, favorite for a third straight Cy Young, did him one better with three h...
David Bote's Walk-Off Grand Slam Was Exhilarating
When you’re playing baseball as a kid, just messing around with a bat and a ball in the park or your backyard, what are you picturing? Every time, it’s you’re down three, bases loaded, bottom of the ninth, two outs, two strikes....
Andy Murray Is Beefing With An Amusement Park And Also America's Gun Laws
Andy Murray had some fun at an Ohio amusement park on Friday, riding a roller coaster alongside Nick Kyrgios, laughing his weird laugh, and trying (or not) to avoid saying bad words....
Brawl Spills Over Into Fan Area At Skins-Jets Joint Practice
The Jets and Skins participated in a joint practice Sunday afternoon at Washington’s Richmond training camp. As happens, things got heated between the two teams, leading to several skirmishes and, finally, a big ol’ footbrawl:...
Jim Tomsula Says To Put Salt In Your Cheap Beer And Change Your Life
Washington defensive line coach and former 49ers head coach Jim Tomsula has some interesting advice for perking up that Pabst Blue Ribbon you’ve foolishly chosen for your beverage. Throw a pinch of salt into that fucker!...
Isaiah Thomas Says Cleveland, A Shithole, Is "Actually Cool"
Here is Isaiah Thomas, shouting out the various towns where he’s played in the NBA, and their fanbases. You will enjoy the part where he gets to Cleveland, unless you happen to feel any loyalty or affinity towards Cleveland:...
Ramon Laureano Threw The Shit Out Of This Baseball
Ramon Laureano has played a total of five games in the majors, all this season, all since the start of August. It’s been a fun start! He’s already had a number of defensive highlights, and his first hit in the bigs was a walk-off game-winner in extras, in his first career game....
Steph Curry Succumbs To Steep And Sudden Athletic Decline
Steph Curry participated in the Ellie Mae Classic this week, for the second year in a row. Last year Curry shot 74-74 on Thursday and Friday, and missed the cut by 11 shots. It was by no means a world-class showing, but it was impressive stuff from a professional basketball player....
The NCAA's New Rules Were An Unwelcome Surprise For The NBA And USA Basketball, But At Least They're Also Pointless
The NCAA announced a number of changes to existing player eligibility rules this past week. Mostly they are junk that will mean nothing to the kinds of players who are most screwed and exploited by the NCAA’s brand of forced amateurism. Hilariously, though the changes have to do with the NCAA’s hand...
Luke Heimlich Signs With Taiwanese Baseball Team, League Kicks Him Out
On Monday, the defending champion Lamigo Monkeys of the Chinese Professional Baseball League announced that they had signed former Oregon State pitcher Luke Heimlich, who pleaded guilty to molesting his 6-year-old niece in 2012. Heimlich was probably a first-round talent, but he was not drafted by a...
The Rockies' Bullpen Needs To Get Its Shit Together
The Colorado Rockies had a chance at a signature win Thursday night against the division-leading Dodgers. Instead they got a signature loss, or at least lost in the same way they’ve lost all year. At home versus their division rivals in a crucial series, Chris Iannetta smacked a go-ahead three-run h...
Giancarlo Stanton Set A Record For The Hardest-Hit Home Run
Exit velocity has become the bugbear of baseball’s anti–“super nerds” crowd. For them, the relatively recent ability to measure how hard a ball comes off a bat is a symbol of everything wrong with modern baseball analysis: a quantification of something that doesn’t need to be quantified; a number th...