as Page 1069 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Marlins Give Up Homer On First Pitch Of Season
About 25 seconds into the baseball season, the Miami Marlins were losing....
Passover Is The Most Constipated Holiday<em></em>
It’s almost Passover again, the Jewish holiday that is notionally about freedom and liberation but, as practiced, is more about cleaning maniacally, covering every surface in your home with tinfoil so it resembles the interior of a spaceship from a 1960’s television show, and refraining eating bread...
The Phillies Need A Lefty Pitcher Who Doesn’t Mind Getting Lit Up
Even though it’s Opening Day, the Phillies are still short one left-handed pitcher....
The Most Fun Thing About Every Baseball Team This Year
There has, over the past several months, been plenty of conversation (and a few official rule changes) directed to answering the question of what baseball needs. Games need to be faster, or extra innings need to be spicier, or broadcasts need more mentions of launch angle. The spike in home runs is ...
MLB Season Preview: What You Need To Know For 40 Minutes Of Marlins Baseball
Aw shit yeah, buddies, it’s Opening Day! The good kind of Opening Day, too. One of those classics on which all 30 teams—well, except for the Nats and Reds and Tigers and Pirates, because their games have already been postponed—play on the same day and it’s non-stop baseball. I do have one piece of b...
"Marlins Will Soar" Is The Only Anthem The Miami Marlins Will Ever Need, Or Deserve
When you follow a perennially shitty team like the Miami Marlins, change can feel both sudden and incremental. The single games or plays that torpedoed one season or another in variously spectacular fashion vanish from the memory, if only because there was never anything meaningful to lose in the fi...
Jaylen Brown Gets Shorthanded Celtics Victory Over Jazz With Sweet Game-Winning Three
The Celtics were short-staffed against the Jazz tonight—no Kyrie, no Al Horford, no Marcus Morris, no Marcus Smart, and as always, no Gordon Hayward—but Jaylen Brown did enough to make sure that it wasn’t a problem. Ultimately leading the team in scoring with 21 points, he delivered the game-winning...
Salvador Perez Sprains MCL Carrying Suitcase Up Steps
Royals catcher Salvador Perez will miss at least the first month of the season after spraining his medial collateral ligament while carrying a suitcase up the steps of his home....
Lame Foul Call Denies Killer LeBron Slam
In a cruel showcase of remarkable self control, LeBron James pulled back from what would have been a pulse-pounding hardcore dunk early in his game tonight against the Hornets, working the crowd into an edge-of-their-seats heat without ever allowing them release. All because of a dumb foul....
![Markelle Fultz Smacked Heads With Joel Embiid And Sent Him To The Locker Room [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/jcebqxzhod8uf4vlpuq6.jpg)
Markelle Fultz Smacked Heads With Joel Embiid And Sent Him To The Locker Room [Update]
Sixers rookie Markelle Fultz is currently trying to transition from being an injured dude with a busted shot to an actual real-life basketball player, but it’s been a bumpy road, and it hit another hitch in the Philly game tonight....
Deposition: Martha, Bela Karolyi Claim They Did Not Know About Larry Nassar's Abuse At Their Ranch
Former U.S. women’s national gymnastics team coordinator Martha Karolyi and her husband, acclaimed former coach Bela Karolyi, said in a deposition last year that they did not know about the serial sexual abuse that Dr. Larry Nassar committed on their ranch, according to court records obtained by CNN...
Let's Remember Some Guys: 1992 Baseball Guys
Thomas Pynchon’s The Crying Of Lot 49 is not as long or as dense or as otherwise inaccessible as the novels that make up the fat part of his canon. It’s the one you read if you didn’t quite feel like committing to V or Gravity’s Rainbow, and it’s the one a savvy professor would assign in a college l...
Report: MSU Spent Half A Million Dollars Monitoring Nassar Victims' And Journalists' Social Media Accounts
A day after William Strampel, the former dean of the osteopathic medical school at Michigan State University and the ex-boss of disgraced sexual abuser Larry Nassar, was charged with criminal sexual conduct and willful neglect of duty, the Lansing State Journal reported that MSU spent in excess of $...
Deep Space Nine Innings: A Star Trek Spinoff's Unlikely Baseball Obsession
Star Trek, the original television show, is built on Gene Roddenberry’s insanely optimistic view of the future. Someday, he and his show believed, human beings would would learn to split the atom and solve the problem of need; our better natures would take over and we would fly around the galaxy spr...
The Raptors' Bench Is Good Enough To Kill Playoff Dreams
The Denver Nuggets came into last night’s game against the Raptors in desperate need of a win to keep their ever-shrinking playoff hopes alive. Beating the best team in the Eastern Conference on the second night of a back-to-back isn’t the easiest proposition, but these sorts of games do present a p...
Flood Of Shit Ends Spring Training For Dodgers
Dodger Stadium is full of shit. It was last night, at least....
Kings Close Arena Again Due To Protests Over Fatal Police Shooting Of Stephon Clark
Only a few thousand fans were able to make it in the arena for the Kings’ loss to the Mavericks on Tuesday night before the building’s entrances were shut down as a “public safety measure” due to the presence of protestors, who were demonstrating in response to the fatal police shooting of Sacrament...
Vlad Guerrero (Junior) Hits A Walk-Off Homer In Montreal
You could tell me that this walk-off dong is from now-Hall of Famer Vlad Guerrero’s big-league career, and my only question would probably be, “When did he play for the Blue Jays?”...
Witness Says Albert Belle Was Actually Trying To Piss Behind His Car Door<em></em>
Albert Belle was arrested for two counts each of indecent exposure and DUI at a soccer game in Arizona Sunday, but a man who was there says the former baseball player was taking a piss behind the door of his car, only he pulled his pants all the way down....