as Page 1097 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Three-Team Standoff Hopefully Will Not End With Arsenal's Dick Getting Shot Off
Famously star-crossed Premier League club Arsenal have already had a bad winter transfer window. Just last week the Gunners let Manchester United Debo them out of their best player, Alexis Sánchez, and the only thing that could even kind of almost halfway redeem them from that humiliating chump move...
Orlando City Gets Pissy After Cyle Larin Leaves For A Better Team
Canadian 22-year-old Cyle Larin—MLS Rookie of the Year in 2015, and leading scorer for Orlando City in all three of his seasons with the club—decided he’d had enough of his MLS team this offseason. Larin, presumably seeking a step up from a bad American squad and into potential Champions League minu...
South Carolina Governor Desperately Wants To Find A Way To Fuck The National Anthem
If you’re in South Carolina on Super Bowl Sunday and you hear the national anthem start, stand up and yell every last word, or else the patriotism police will take you to the office of Governor Henry McMaster for a spanking. Today McMaster issued a proclamation, which means nothing, that everyone in...
Roger Goodell Assures Everyone Washington Football Team Will Remain Racist Despite Chief Wahoo Removal
After the Cleveland Indians announced that they’ll be taking Chief Wahoo off of team uniforms by 2019, the Washington NFL team naturally drew scrutiny. Would they follow suit and ditch their comically racist name for something more palatable, or at least scrub their logo for something more neutral?...
Philly Cops Won’t Grease Poles For The Super Bowl Because It Didn’t Work Anyway
If the Eagles do the unthinkable and actually win the Super Bowl, Philadelphians will rush out onto the streets in celebration. If they want to climb some light poles to celebrate, they will be able to do so unencumbered: Philadelphia Police Commissioner Richard Ross announced today that the city wo...
Under Armour Boss's Alma Mater Wins Shady Hoops Game, Has Folks Wondering If Money Buys Free Throws
The most moneyed Goliath in prep school athletics needed help from above, or from somewhere else, to vanquish a relative David in parochial hoops over the weekend....
Bumbling Package Thief Injures Leg, Is Rescued By Getaway Driver In Russell Wilson Jersey<em></em>
Stealing packages seems like a scummy, straightforward two-person operation: One briskly walks up to the house, while the other keeps the car running. This one on Friday quickly fell apart due to an unforeseen variable: wet grass....
Forcing Hawks Fans To Try And Guard Hot Sauce Is Very Cruel And Very Funny
It can’t be easy coming up with new in-arena gimmicks to entertain NBA fans during stoppages in play—there is only one Red Panda to go around, after all—so kudos to the Atlanta Hawks for a new recurring segment in which street ball legend and AND1 Mixtape star Philip “Hot Sauce” Champion embarrasses...
Man City Spend More Of Their Unlimited Money On Yet Another Wildly Expensive Defender
Manchester City are one of the biggest and most ambitious clubs in world soccer. In order to realize their silver-lined aspirations, they need lots and lots of money to invest in the team. Luckily for them, they have more money than god thanks to the backing of the Abu Dhabi royal family which owns ...
John Wall Broken, Wizards Dead, Universe Empty
Washington Wizards guard John Wall will miss six to eight weeks for a “procedure to clean up” his sore left knee, the one that has now been interfering with his career on a dismally regular basis since at least as far back as 2012. In related news [long anguished scream, tapering away to silence]....
Milwaukee Police Reviewing Officers' Arrest, Tasing Of Sterling Brown; Will Release Body Camera Footage
Milwaukee police announced on Monday that Bucks rookie Sterling Brown will not face any charges after being arrested for resisting arrest last week....
Wow, Do I Love The Explanation For This Hall Of Fame Ballot
There are few—if any?—genres of baseball writing that are more entertaining across the board than the Hall of Fame ballot explanation column. That’s not to say these columns are good; they usually aren’t, and they’re frequently the opposite. They’re often cranky or self-righteous or defensive, and y...
Oh Shit, The Clippers Traded Blake Griffin To Detroit
Blake Griffin will soon have a harder time getting guest appearances on Comedy Central shows, because according to Adrian Wojnarowski, the Clippers have traded Griffin to the Detroit Pistons in exchange for Tobias Harris, Avery Bradley, Boban Marjanovic, and a pair of picks....
A List Of People Accused Of Enabling Larry Nassar
Former USA Gymnastics and Michigan State doctor Larry Nassar was sentenced to 40 to 175 years in prison last week for 10 counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct. Nassar was the only person sentenced, but dozens of other people have been accused of helping him perpetrate decades of child sexua...
Enes Kanter's Fucked-Up Lip
Enes Kanter fucked up his lip and this is what it looks like....
MLB Says Cleveland Indians Will Get Rid Of Chief Wahoo On Uniforms In 2019
The Cleveland Indians will no longer sport images of their racist mascot Chief Wahoo on team uniforms starting in 2019. Major League Baseball announced the change this morning, saying in a statement that the caricature was “no longer appropriate for use on the field.”...
Report: Joakim Noah Fought With His Coach And Now The Knicks Want Him Gone
This bomb from Shams Charania was basically just a matter of turning subtext into text:...
![Male Gymnast Says He Was Abused By USAG Coach During Training [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/cpuy8oaxgx0theivt4yo.jpg)
Male Gymnast Says He Was Abused By USAG Coach During Training [Updates]
Andrew Fuller, a gymnast who competes in trampoline and tumbling events, has accused former USA Gymnastics coach Dr. George Drew of drugging and abusing him while Fuller was training in Michigan....
Sixers-Thunder Is Suddenly A Great NBA Rivalry
I doubt anyone had Sixers-Thunder pegged to become one of the spicier NBA rivalries headed into this season, but here we are, two games into the beef, with Russell Westbrook and Joel Embiid reaching new levels of petty....
Mark Dantonio And Tom Izzo Refuse To Accept Any Blame In MSU Sexual Assault Scandal
It’s been three days since an ESPN report painted a picture of Michigan State University as a school unable or unwilling to punish sexual abusers or rapists through any kind of accountable system, particularly when the accused were part of the football and men’s basketball teams. The looming publica...