as Page 1480 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Classic Man: If Her Pupils Are Dilated, She's Totally Into You
Frequently in this space, we will consult a different entry in the 1987 book The Modern Man’s Guide to Life to see how the advice therein has aged. Previously, we discussed homemade deodorant; today, let’s figure out how to tell if a woman is hitting on you....
America Has Always Wanted To Pretend That Sports Aren't Work
Last month, given the chance to affirm that college athletes have basic labor rights, the National Labor Review Board punted. It’s rare that a sports metaphor so perfectly crafted for lazy headline writers is so fitting, but punting—the most cowardly, spineless, and responsibility-evading decision r...
How To Excel At Tailgating
Football season is all but here, which means that prime Tailgate Season is swiftly descending upon us. As pastimes go, tailgating is great because there’s not much to it. You don’t have to know a lick about football or whatever other sport you’re needlessly drinking in preparation for, and you don’t...
Patriots Request Reinstatement Of Accused Ball-Deflating Employees
With trumped up charges and a whole lot of dodgy PSI data, the only somewhat-weighty evidence that the Patriots had a concerted ball-deflation scheme going was the text-message comedy stylings of locker-room attendant Jim “The Deflator” McNally and equipment assistant John “Dorito Dink” Jastremski. ...
Matt Williams Fucks Up Again, Gets Booed At His Press Conference
Washington Nationals manager Matt Williams has spent most of the last week doing everything he can to ensure that his team’s slide out of playoff contention continues without a hitch. If his recent handling of the bullpen had Nats fans bashing their heads against walls, last night’s managerial perfo...
Why Jason Pierre-Paul Avoided The Giants All Summer
Defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul met with the Giants on Monday for the first time all year, and let team doctors examine his injured hand for the first time since losing his index finger in a fireworks accident. But the timing of his return, so close to the start of the season, was no accident: Pierr...
Irony Is Dead: Bakersfield Condors Unveil Oil-Themed Mascot
Condors are majestic creatures. The California Condor, which historically ranged across the West Coast and Southwest (and even to Florida way back in the day), is the largest land bird in North America. In the late 1980s the California Condor went extinct in the wild, due to poaching and various typ...
Yoenis Cespedes Error Turns Michael Taylor Single Into Little League Grand Slam
Every right-thinking baseball fan is also a Yoenis Cespedes fan—and he has been hitting like Babe Ruth since joining the Mets at the trade deadline—but man this is an absolutely brutal error. ...
We Tried The New Lay's Flavors So You Don't Have To (Please Don't)
In its infinite potato-chip-making and marketing wisdom, the Frito-Lay snack behemoth has sifted through entries in their latest Lay’s “Do Us A Flavor” contest (this year’s theme: “Taste of America”), narrowed it down to four finalists, and encouraged We The People to vote for our fave. Plus, there’...
The Nats Are On Life Support, And Matt Williams Is Yanking Away At The Plug
Manager Matt Williams isn’t totally to blame for what’s happened to the Nats this season—they are, hands down, the most disappointing team in baseball, and their 93-win over-under from the start of the year is looking more and more hilarious by the day—but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be punted in...
Bryce Harper: Nationals Fans Leaving Early Was "Brutal"
Early-September series don’t get much more important than Mets-Nats, not with each game being a two-game swing in the standings and a wild card all but out of reach for the loser. The Mets came to Washington four games up, so for the Nationals, this is basically a playoff series. Bryce Harper wishes...
Kansas State Band Insists They Were Not In Dong Formation
Kansas State officials continue to apologize for anyone they might have offended by Saturday’s Jayhawk-vs-dong marching band formation, while insisting there was “no ill intention.” The Star Trek-themed program purported to show the U.S.S. Enterprise attacking a “horrible space creature,” but to nea...
New York Mets Outlast Washington Nationals In Crucial Fail-Off
The New York Mets woke up this morning with a four-game lead on the second-place Washington Nationals and three games coming up against them directly; these being the Mets, the question of the day was whether they were fucked as of right now, or about to set up some greater act of late-September fuc...
High Schoolers Who Attacked Ref Suspended, Could Face Criminal Charges
The two San Antonio-area high school football players who targeted and blindsided an official during a game Friday have been suspended and could face criminal charges, according to ESPN....
What Is Jerome Randle Doing Leading The Ukrainian National Team?
Jerome Randle goes by many names these days. As Jerome, he’s won NCAA tournament games and knocked on the NBA’s door for half a decade. Jerome is from Chicago. Jerome was, briefly, responsible for setting up Dirk Nowitzki. But Джером Рендл or, phonetically, Dzherom Rendl, isn’t close to California, ...
Matt Harvey: "I Will Pitch In The Playoffs"
Matt Harvey will pitch for the Mets in an expected playoff run, according to an essay published under the hurler’s name at Player’s Tribune....
Georgetown Player Breaks Five Vertebrae, Could Be Paralyzed
Georgetown linebacker Ty Williams underwent surgery Saturday to repair five broken vertebrae that left him with a bruised spinal cord suffered in the above pass play during this weekend’s game at Saint Francis....
Kansas State Band Formation Is NSFW [UPDATE]
This is, supposedly, the Kansas State band as the U.S.S. Enterprise “encountering a horrible space creature.” It looks a lot more like the Kansas Jayhawk performing fellatio....
BYU Beats Nebraska With Hail Mary
Mitch Mathews hauled in a 42-yard hail mary from Tanner Mangum on the final play of the game to stun a Cornhuskers crowd in Lincoln and give BYU a 33-28 win over the Cornhuskers....