as Page 1982 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
In Which Sport Can You Win Despite This Grotesquely Swollen Ankle?
None. But you can win in NASCAR, as Brad Keselowski proved yesterday at Pocono, taking the checkered flag with a broken left ankle that looked like someone stuck a softball under the skin. (On race day, it looked more like this.)...
Massachusetts-Area Idiots Fly Jolly Roger Atop Tiny Fishing Vessel, Try And Fail To Rob Sailboat While Owner Sleeps
Piracy is real, y'all. East Africa? Hornet's nest. Caribbean? Same deal. But the North Shore of Boston might be the worst of the bunch. Here are the obnoxious news ledes mocking this terribly serious crime:...
Stay The Hell Away From Rehabbing Stephen Strasburg, You Mongrels, Minor League Team Tells Press
You may think it's Strasmas in August for the scribes of Hagerstown, Maryland, but you'd be wrong. Dead wrong....
Manscaping And A Mankini Helped MMA Reach Its Aesthetic Nadir At UFC 133
No one watches UFC—what with its bloody noses, sweaty chests, cauliflower ears—for beauty's sake. No one would confuse Dana White with Donna Karan. But holy lord, things got ugly in one of the undercard fights last night....
Someone Wore A Big, Furry Chewbacca Mask To The Rangers-Indians Game Last Night, When It Was 106º Out
Yes, it was really quite sweltering. Inherit the Wind-courtroom sweltering....
A Case Study In Why You Shouldn't Share An Email Address With Your Lovely Wife
Tipster Matthew D. recently shared details of what happened when a guy named Christian dropped out of their fantasy football league. All participants are from the PA/NJ/NY area but for Christian, who's from Seattle. "Only one of us has had the privilege of meeting him in person," Matthew pointed ou...
Minor League Baseball Rain-Delay Dancing Fool Proves Tommy John Surgery Defeats Zombies
Tipster Andrew B. points out that Casey Mulligan, mere mortal of rain-delay Thriller 2009 performance fame, recently decided "to hang up the cleats at age 23 after deciding not to undergo Tommy John surgery. He was living the dream as a catcher turned pitcher with an actual shot to make it to the ...
When Mays And Mantle Were Banned From Baseball: Putting A-Rod's Gambling "Problem" In Context
As Alex Rodriguez stays in the headlines because he's Alex Rodriguez (even though he wasn't actually at the high-stakes poker game mentioned in the tabloids since he was playing in the World Series at the time), the real story is the re-emergence of baseball's complicated relationship with gambling....
Here's Video Of Michael Beasley "Mushing" A Fan At A New York City Park Last Night
We learned a new word today: mushing. A mush is when a person puts a hand directly onto another person's face and pushes him or her backward. Minnesota's Michael Beasley "mushed" a heckling fan at New York City's Dyckman Park last night. The incident is not expected to help his job security....
Pee Wee Herman Spent Some Time With Tony Romo Today At Cowboys Camp
Per the Dallas Morning News, "Pee-Wee Herman was at Cowboys' practice Thursday night in a gray suit with a red bowtie. He took some time to pose for a photo with Jerry Jones and his sons, Stephen and Jerry Jr. No word on if coach Jason Garrett will hang it up at Valley Ranch as another motivational...
This Young Astros Fan Was Not Bashful About Flipping The Reds Off Last Night
The Houston Astros averted their 75th loss of the season last night in no small part because of some leftfielder named J.D. Martinez's two-RBI double to left in the seventh. This was an overwhelmingly awesome moment for one excitable boy fan who flipped a double bird....
Here's An Awkward Interview In Which Tommy Lasorda Ponders How He'd Pitch To A Dwarf
Last night, Tommy Lasorda made it perfectly clear that he wants to be referred to as "Tommy Pump" from now on. At present, Tommy Pump is on a mission to right the wrongs of Dodgers fandom....
Today Was The Day "Mandingo Cock Deasel" Became An American Hero
His name is Eddie Evans. His superpower is rescuing his fellow man from a burning car at a Chevron gas station in DeKalb County, Ga. His choice of attire is what makes him the Stuff Of Legend....
Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part VI: Robot Surrogates And The Abyss
Consider this your daily link to Dave McKenna's "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," but here it is again for good measure. We'll post this mother until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit is frozen in amber so humans of the future can study the behavior of assholes in the 21st century. (For tho...
If Albert DeSalvo Wasn't The Boston Strangler, Who Was? Bill James Investigates
During the years 1962-64, 13 women in the Boston area were molested and then strangled by an assailant who came to be known as the Boston Strangler. In 1965, Albert DeSalvo, a convicted sex offender and patient at a local mental institute, began telling people he committed the murders. With the help...
Rob Dibble Now Wants To Swaddle Stephen Strasburg In Warm Soft Blankets
A year ago at this time Rob Dibble was in the news for his contrarian opinions on Stephen Strasburg. Rob Dibble's in the news again for his contrarian opinions on Stephen Strasburg. Except this time it's the exact opposite contrarian opinion. What we're saying is, it's a good thing Strasburg's caree...
RIP Bubba Smith
As mentioned in tonight's Sports Final, Charles Aaron "Bubba" Smith died today at the age of 66. The first pick in the 1967 NFL draft, he won a Super Bowl with the Baltimore Colts and played for both the Raiders and Oilers in a nine-year career. Then, he pursued the life of acting, the highlight o...
Of The Four Goals Chivas Scored Against Barcelona Tonight, This One's The Best
This was Marco Fabian's second goal for Chivas de Guadalajara in its friendly vs. FC Barcelona tonight. In the end, it was the game winner, but Chivas would score another pair for good measure....
How The Brewers' And Cardinals' Broadcast Crews Reacted To The Ryan Braun Plunking Last Night
The Cardinals plunked the Brewers with a couple clauses of baseball's unwritten rules in an 8-7, extra-inning win last night. After Albert Pujols was hit in the hand by an errant Takashi Saito pitch in the top of the seventh, Cards pitcher Jason Motte twice threw at Ryan Braun, connecting on the s...
Nick Swisher Has Released A Children's Album
Yankees outfielder and fountain of enthusiasm Nick Swisher has just released his first album, Believe. It features Swisher on lead vocals with Kidz-Bop-style backup, not to mention special appearances on guitar from Bernie Williams and Barry Zito. Looking at the track list, it's basically a concep...