as Page 2016 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your NBA Draft Open Thread
It's time for the Passion of the Jimmer, and, allegedly, lots of other young men. Come for the comically sized suits, stay for David Kahn's asinine decisions!...
"Goddamn It, I'm Rich," Backup Sixers Guard Lou Williams Tells Us In New Rap Video
Some of the players drafted tonight will become stars, despite our dire predictions, some will be busts, and others will forever be NBA rotation guys, the Lou Williamses of the world, who, try as they might, just aren't quite as good as Jrue Holiday....
Four Last-Minute Delusions Around The NBA Draft
Basketball Has A Bright Future In The Garden State: Oh, Newark. Newark. The Nets got tired of looking at New Jersey, filed for divorce, and moved out of the Meadowlands. Brooklyn is so much richer, more sophisticated-it's just a better match. Don't you want the Nets to be happy? Oh, but Brooklyn's p...
The Phillie Phanatic Takes A Foul Ball To The Face
The giant fuzzy sex fiend got a ball just under the snout (proboscis?) at a minor league game last night. He (or the human inside) went to the emergency room, and was treated for a contusion and released. He won't miss any time, and will return to the usual boring mascot hazard of being pummeled i...
Dallas Man Explains Why He Got Dirk Nowitzki's Face Tattooed On His Ass, Still Has Some Explaining To Do
"When Dirk lifted the Larry O'Brien and the MVP trophy it was the greatest sports moment of my life. I sports-cried, called a high school friend that does tattoos and have been on a Dallas Mavericks championship high ever since. Now I realize that I will be sitting on a big German man's face for the...
Facing A Season With No NFL, <em>Madden</em>'s Ultimate Team Looks To The Legends
In any discussion of the greatest video game athletes, the Michael Vick of Madden NFL 2004 always makes the cut, and is usually the most recent name on the list. In the eight years since his appearance, sports simulations have fine-tuned their realism, closing the era of logic-defying performances b...
Your Gold Cup Semifinals Open Thread
It's Miércoles Gigante for los aficionados al fútbol in Houston tonight. First up, at 7 p.m., are the Americans who will try to avenge their June 11 upset loss to Panama. (They will.) Then, around 10 p.m., Mexico and Honduras will do battle for the right to advance to Saturday's Gold Cup finals ma...
Jennie Finch Has Named Her Second Son Diesel Daigle
Finch, who is now retired but was once at the pinnacle of American softball, whatever that means, gave birth Sunday to eight-pound-two-ounce Diesel Dean Daigle. His older brother is named Ace Shane Daigle. Unconscionable....
The Brilliant Legal Mind Behind Mark Cuban's "Fuck You" Brief
We had to ask Mark Cuban for comment on today's legal filing, which consisted of a photo of the Mavericks celebrating a title. It's a dagger of a brief in the face of a suit accusing him of mismanaging the team, and it shuts down any comebacks. But Cuban deflected credit, telling us "it was all the ...
"He's Got A Great Personality": Your Passive-Aggressive 2011 NBA Draft Scouting Roundup
The NBA playoffs are over; the NBA Draft is here. Time to stop watching Dirk Nowitzki, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Kevin Durant, Derrick Rose, and Chris Paul, and to start dreaming about the future—a future in which, honestly, none of this year's prospects have much hope of being better than the leag...
Mark Cuban Files The Ultimate "Fuck You" Legal Brief
"Scoreboard," the defendant said. ...
Red Sox Fan Catches Foul Ball With $7 Light Beer, Still Finishes Beer
If you paid that much for a Bud Light, you'd drink it, too....
Crude Dick Joke, Or Another Nationals Typo?
Your morning roundup for June 22, the day we implored you to stand with the seals. Image via tipster BP (not me)....
Litigious, Displaced, Already Reiumbursed Super Bowl Fans Are Asking For Even More Money
Hey, remember those cranky folks who couldn't get their Super Bowl seats? Remember how they're suing, and how $5 million wouldn't be enough in remuneration?...
Russia's Leading Scorer Tasered For Giving Jersey To A Fan, Then Police Deny It Ever Happened
Zenit St. Petersburg striker Danko Lazovic wanted to give some fans a meaningful souvenir—his shirt—after his team's 2-0 victory against FC Volga on Saturday. Instead, the Russian police decided to give him a meaningful burn on his side. Then they said it never happened, as you'll hear in the abov...
Miss USA Candidates Attempt To Answer A Question About Evolution, Fail At It
I'll warn you that this video, compiled and edited by the Miami New Times, is uniquely horrific. In it, Miss USA Pageant 2011 contestants attempt to answer — or simply to formulate words in a coherent sentence about the idea proposed — whether or not evolution should be taught in schools. The New ...
Why You Should Never Trust College Hoops Recruiting Rumors
They're all made up! At least the ones on SummerHoopScoop, which suckered in a good number of people with plausible prep and recruiting news over the past few months. "Jonathon Paige" was quickly becoming, if not a major player, a name that kept popping up on message boards in connections with rumor...
A Naked Tasing And Too Much Pot In The Pot Brownies: Tales Of The Thomas Brothers
A quick timeline of the past year for the Thomas brothers, both linemen from Montana, that should illustrate why you want to party with them:...
Dilbert's Necktie Is Erect Because It Wants To Rape Ladies, Naturally
Leading philosopher cartoon merchandiser Scott Adams, of Dilbert fame, has some new thoughts about masculinity, to go with his earlier, now-deleted meditation on men's rights. Why is there so much news about men "tweeting, raping, cheating, and being offensive"?...
DeShawn Stevenson Got An Abe Lincoln Tattoo Because Gilbert Arenas Stole His MLK One
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Stevenson maintains he would have passed a Breathalyzer....