as Page 2317 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Gus Johnson Hits The Pause Button
This is from a while back, but I feel it buttresses (pause) my claim that Gus Johnson should be paired with Dick Vitale. Sure, they're on different networks and their collective screaming would surely destroy us all. But at least the next time Dickie V. starts a massive Dook fellatefest, there'll be...
The Ultimate Warrior Edition
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks there's something morbidly fascinating about a guy who looks like he walked out of a Boris Vellejo painting and is also clinically insane....
Golf Clap For #800
The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor....
The Editor-In-Chimp Is Here
Much of your human world continues to horrify and confuse me, most of all your bizarre construct of weekdays. The one you call Will has cast me into my Monday bondage by bludgeoning my mate to death with his advanced human weaponry. How ever did you concoct stick with a nail in it? Sadly, I am now i...
About Last Night...
What you missed while stocking up on Postum......
If Wilt's 100-Point Game Were Modernized
As we conclude another lazy "Baked Doritos and curling on TV" Sunday, we remember that 46 years ago was the night Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points against the New York Knicks (snerk) in a game. And the Dayton Daily News poses a good question: how would it be covered today? Oh, there's nothing bett...
Eric Byrnes Can Tolerate Men Staring At His Junk
We haven't heard much from Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes in the offseason, but we can only guarantee it was something EXTREME AND WHOLLY UNPREDICTABLE! ZIGGITY SWISH! He's back this year, and his Diamondbacks were among the first to be drug tested. Byrnes is absolutely comfortable with the pro...
Yankees-Red Sox Feud Reaches Depths Of A Free Hat
If you haven't been paying attention to Hank "Raul Castro" Steinbrenner's words about the Red Sox in the last few days, congratulations! You're officially aware of the 28 other teams of the league....
Kansas Fans Know What Erin Andrews Likes
Unquestioned, kind Kansas fan! Erin Andrews is a true professional who enjoys the game of college basketball. That's why she can be seen on various sidelines of notable games across the country, getting exclusive interviews with today's most prominent coaches and bringing viewers updates as the game...
The Future Of Baseball, As Told By Japanese Programmers
Today's TV has some quality games, plus a little bit for everyone. Some hockey, basketball, NASCAR ... but no baseball. So if you need your baseball fix, why not try Super Baseball 2020 for the Genesis or Super Nintendo, where there's no such thing as foul territory beyond the first and third bases....
Georgetown-Marquette Eventually Reaches Exciting Conclusion
I remember seeing who won this Georgetown-Marquette game on TV, but I don't really recall who it was, and more to the point, that's not important right now. While this clip of the final 40 seconds is mind-fondling thrilling, notice how long the clip actually is. Ten minutes long. We were so fortunat...
About Last Night...
What you missed while starting a global lemon wedge scare ... • NBA: Michael Redd just says no to free throws, Spurs win 96-94. • NHL: Everyone duck, here comes Phil Kessel. Bruins top Thrashers in shootout, 3-2. • NASCAR Nationwide Series: Promising up-and-comer Mark Martin wins in Las Vegas....
Marlins Won't Care About Winning For Three More Years
It was nice of Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria to arrive to spring training this morning. (He figured how how to TiVo that America's Next Top Model this morning.) And he sure has some big, I mean BIG, plans for this Marlins team in the next few years....
B! G! Won! Somehow!
Down goes Kent State! Down goes Kent State! The 23rd ranked Golden Flashes went into Bowling Green and lost 89-83, mainly because Brian Moten and Joe Jakubowski would love to dance with your dates. If you can believe it, Bowling Green basketball has won four straight games against ranked basketball ...
Don't Throw Water Bottles In The Desert
Storming the Floor mentioned this yesterday, and now we have the moving picture evidence of the water bottle heave during the Arizona-USC game on Thursday night....
About Last Night...
What you missed while ordering a refill of penis reduction pills... • NBA: Where is your Pau now? Blazers defeat Lakers 119-111. • NHL: Former Cardinals outfielder Setoguchi scores winning goal as San Jose beats Detroit 3-2. • MLB: Juan Gonzalez homers off ... Johan Santana? I know it's only spring ...
Whither Randy Moss?
So the NFL Free Agent Season officially kicked off today, and there was much rejoicing. But the really big news (for me, anyway) is still far way, apparently: Brett Favre is still in limbo, and Randy Moss isn't talking (although speculation is he's heading to the Panthers). Until there's news on eit...
So They're Expecting A Few People For That Dodgers-Red Sox Exhibition Game
If you're planning on attending that March 29 exhibition game between the Dodgers and the Red Sox at the Los Angeles Coliseum, better get your butt in gear; they've already sold 90,000 tickets. An expected 25,000 standing room tickets are soon to go on sale, meaning that the game will most surely br...
Big Ten Pets Are Ready For March Madness/Snausages
Poor Cuddles. Ever since Kelvin Sampson left Indiana, he has refused to leave his bucket. And as the NCAA Tournament approaches, I think we can all identify ... obsessing over our own team's weaknesses; sitting as we are in our own metaphorical buckets of regret. Except that I'm wearing mine on my h...