as Page 908 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
New York Red Bulls' Kaku Blasts Ball Into A Fan's Face, Gets Sent Off
New York Red Bulls midfielder Kaku was sent off with a red card in the final moments of the Red Bulls’ 2-2 draw with Sporting Kansas City last night, after he kicked a ball in frustration and it struck a fan in the front row. The fan reportedly was left with a bloody face and needing medical attenti...
Un-Fucking-Real
He was finished. He was disgraced, hobbled, and eaten alive by the ravages of both fame and time. His story was over; it was simply a matter how clumsily it would end and how long it would take for that end to finally arrive....
Tiger Woods Just Won The Fucking Masters
The illustrious green jacket is back on the shoulders of Tiger Woods for the first time since 2005. After battling the likes of Dustin Johnson, Brooks Koepka and Xander Schauffele all day, Woods won the whole damn thing with a score of -13. As if everything that had been building to this moment wasn...
Frankly An Incredibly Good And Informative, Ah, Preview Of The 2019 NBA Playoffs, Part 2
Good day to you, hoop-sport friends! It’s time for the second part of our extremely on-time and thorough preview of the 2019 NBA playoffs. Today we’ll discuss the important topics of the first-round series that begin, uh, today: When and where they’re on TV, who’s in ‘em, how they got here, and of c...
The Beef Between Kevin Durant And Patrick Beverley Will Make This Inevitable Warriors Sweep Fun As Hell
When it came to the Warriors-Clippers series, the prevailing prediction seemed to be that the Clippers hardly had a snowball’s chance in hell of stealing at least one win from Golden State. However, the caveat to that pessimistic prediction was that Los Angeles could at least make things interesting...
The Raptors Were Never Going To Be Able To Stop D.J. Augustin From Becoming A Postseason Hero
The Orlando Magic are an enigma. The designation has nothing to do with a complex scheme that coach Steve Clifford has put together, or an analytics heavy-approach to selecting undervalued free agents that other teams would ignore. No, the Magic are an enigma simply because it makes no sense how thi...
Kenny Atkinson's Trust In Caris LeVert Paid Off
When Caris LeVert went down with his gruesome-looking foot injury in November, the initial assumption was that his season was over. It made sense at the time. When you combine his history of foot injuries, and the fact that he had to be taken off in a stretcher, the projections tend to be pessimisti...
Sharks' Logan Couture Is Thankful He Didn't Lose A Testicle When A Hockey Puck Hit Him In The Dick And Balls
Down 4-3 in the second period, the San Jose Sharks had an opportunity to tie up the game when they were awarded a power play. But as the countdown clock for the penalty reached its final 30 seconds, it was Vegas that would end up with the goal-scoring opportunity. Reilly Smith passed the puck from t...
Frankly An Incredibly Good And Informative, Ah, Preview Of The 2019 NBA Playoffs, Part 1
Well hello there, casual basketball fan! Welcome back... to the crucible of champions. The NBA playoffs are upon us once again, probably within minutes or possibly even before I actually finish writing this very long (and good) blog. Oh crap!...
Holy Shit, Chris Davis Actually Got A Hit
A historic weight was lifted off of Chris Davis’s shoulders on Saturday. After 54 consecutive at bats without a hit—a streak that started in September of last season—Davis did the unthinkable and finally smacked one into the outfield for a single. The unfortunate soul who helped Davis break the stre...
Manny Machado Was Way Less Impressed With His Incredible Throw Than Adam Warren Was
That is Padres pitcher Adam Warren with quite a goofy grin on his face in the bottom of the eighth inning against the Diamondbacks on Friday. Why is he smiling from ear to ear? Because his teammate Manny Machado had just done this:...
Lucas Moura's Son Is A Cautious Dribbler And A Very Good Sports Baby
Tottenham handily defeated an already-relegated Huddersfield Town squad, 4-0, thanks to a hat-trick from Brazilian winger Lucas Moura. After the game, he decided to celebrate the moment with his adorable son on the pitch. He put a soccer ball to his son’s feet and told him to kick it to him. Every t...
Report: Lakers Dump Luke Walton
Magic Johnson didn’t want to be the one to do it, so he quit, but it was going to get done anyway, and now it’s official: The Lakers have canned head coach Luke Walton. ...
João Félix Has Arrived
Release clauses in soccer are oftentimes more symbolic than anything else. Clubs with leverage will often drop a sky high release clause (the amount of money they would have to accept for a player, whether they want to sell him or not) on a promising young player mostly just to scare off interest fr...
Uh-Oh, Joel Embiid's Knee Might Keep Him Out Of Game 1
A visibly frustrated Joel Embiid said he “has no idea” if he’ll play tomorrow in Game 1 of the Sixers’ first-round series versus the Nets, due to pain in his left knee. Seems bad:...
What Do The Sacramento Kings Want To Be?
Let’s start with this: the Sacramento Kings will never not be the Sacramento Kings. There will never be a time when this is not both painfully accurate, and just painful:...
Bryson DeChambeau Foiled By Dumbass Stupid Flagstick And Dumbass Stupid Hole
Bryson DeChambeau leads the field after shooting six under par in the opening round of The Masters. Despite this, he has as much reason as anybody to feel bitter about how the course treated him on Thursday....
Good Lord, The Caps Don't Like Making Things Easy
Just because the championship monkey is off the backs of the Washington Capitals doesn’t mean the team has forgotten where it came from. In Game 1 of the series with the upstart Carolina Hurricanes, the Caps showed flashes of the team’s former self best known for handing momentum right back to posts...
The Braves Just Got Nine Years Of Ozzie Albies At An Insultingly Low Price
After signing Ronald Acuña to a team-friendly deal worth at most $12.4 million annually over the next decade, the Atlanta Braves have locked up another one of their young players with a dirt-cheap extension that’ll last beyond arbitration and through his entire 20s. Second baseman Ozzie Albies, curr...
A Lively Discussion About Futuristic Bathroom Technology
It is a sad fact of life: there are just more questions in the Funbag than there is time to answer them in the average Deadcast. All your horrible thoughts, your deeply considered curiosities about peeing and pooping, and NFL football, and peeing and pooping vis-a-vis Donald Trump—lost, like tears i...