as Page 951 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Joel Embiid Flips Out After Ben Simmons Fights Him For A Rebound
Cartoon steam billowed out of every player’s ears towards the end of a spicy 119-113 Sixers win over the Clippers Tuesday night. Joel Embiid and Patrick Beverley had to be pried apart in a meeting of master trolls; Jimmy Butler and Avery Bradley then got a double-ejection for some choke-pushing. Ear...
Maybe A Troy Tulowitzki Signing Will Tide You Over While You Wait On Manny Machado
We’ve been preheating the damn oven for two months, but now that it’s 2019 perhaps we are finally entering the hot stove season we’ve been so rudely denied? The Yankees have signed a multi-time all-star, multi–gold glove winning shortstop!...just not that one....
Hot Damn, Chelsea Just Bought Christian Pulisic For A Shit-Ton Of Money
The rumor mill has been in overdrive these past few weeks about Christian Pulisic’s future, and today we got official confirmation of a move that still feels a little shocking: Premier League giants Chelsea have purchased the artist formally known as America’s Wonderteen from Borussia Dortmund for a...
Texas Handler On Mad Bevo Attack: "He Was Just Going To Say Hi"
Texas defeated Georgia in the Sugar Bowl 28-21 on Tuesday night, likely thanks in large part to the intimidation provided by their mascot, a 1,600-pound steer named Bevo, against Georgia’s mascot, a 62-pound English bulldog named Uga....
Christmas Candy Vs. Halloween Candy: Who Ya Got?!
Today we’re talking about groomzillas, NFL bye weeks, Olive Garden, shitty teams, and more....
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....
Floyd Mayweather's "Fight" With A Japanese Kickboxing Prodigy Was Dumber Than Anyone Could Have Hoped For<em></em><em></em>
Last night in Tokyo, Floyd Mayweather fought 20-year-old kickboxer Tenshin Nasukawa in an altogether embarrassing sham “exhibition” boxing match which was announced in early November, then unannounced two days later, and finally un-unannounced after that, with a strange set of rules and no convincin...
These NFL Coaches Sucked Enough To Get Fired This Year
Hue Jackson and Mike McCarthy were horrible enough to get canned during the regular season, but now that Week 17's wrapped up, it’s time for all the other disappointing NFL head coaches to join them in the Great Coordinator Gig in the Sky. Here’s a brief roundup of everyone who’s been canned today....
Dan Snyder Doesn't Get It
Was this it, finally? Was this the utter embarrassment needed for Dan Snyder, who has owned an NFL team for 20 years and watched it descend over that time from the ranks of the league’s proud/storied/whatever franchises into a permanent laughingstock—over which time the one constant has been Snyder ...
John Wall's Busted Heel Has Officially Put The Wizards Out Of Their Misery
The Wizards, who are currently 14-24, have reached the point in their season when it’s more beneficial for them to start being bad on purpose rather than being bad on accident. The only thing standing in the way of this transition is that the Wizards do not fit the standard profile of a tanking tea...
Alabama Did What Alabama Does To Oklahoma
In Saturday’s first 17 minutes of game time, Alabama reeled off 28 straight points to knock down Oklahoma before anyone at the Orange Bowl had a chance to buy a second beer. That early lead proved to be the cushion Alabama needed to coast to an easy, if not entirely calm, victory in Miami. The final...
Justise Winslow Is Saving The Miami Heat's Season
On Friday night, Justise Winslow continued his fourth season renaissance, as the Miami Heat stomped on the Cleveland Cavaliers to the tune of a comfortable 118-94 win. Winslow finished the game with an eye-catching stat-line: 24 points, 11 rebounds, 7 assists, and only 2 turnovers....
Anthony Davis Has Not Been Traded Yet, Is Still Amazing At Basketball
It sure was nice of Anthony Davis, who is not yet a member of the Los Angeles Lakers, to up his trade value on Friday night. The NBA’s only commodity worth talking about, apparently, threw up 48 points to go along with 17 rebounds, as the New Orleans Pelicans, his current team, beat the Dallas Mave...
Dallas Stars CEO Takes A Heaping Dump On His Team's Most Prominent Players
The Dallas Stars are currently eighth in the NHL’s Western Conference, and are narrowly holding onto the second Wild Card spot. But they’re just 4–8 over their last 12 games, and stars Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin are ranked 57th and 67th in the league in scoring, respectively. Apparently, disappoint...
How Stupid And Toothless Does The NBA Now Look Trying To Manage This Shit
The escalating non-story of LeBron James making moves on Anthony Davis finally ensnared the NBA league office on Friday, with league counsel reportedly reminding teams via a carefully worded memo that only great big meanies would ever honestly answer a question about whether it is good to have good ...
Ben Simmons Keeps Dunking On Jazz Fans Over His Rookie Of The Year Win
Ben Simmons might not be able to shoot basketballs into hoops with any sort of consistency, but the Sixers point guard can still make life a living hell for his opponents. Just ask the hostile Utah crowd that attended Thursday night’s Sixers-Jazz game, which spent the majority of the game booing Sim...
Alabama Football Player Stops Himself From Saying Something Interesting About Kyler Murray
When asked a question about Heisman Trophy winner and Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray, Alabama defensive lineman Quinnen Williams almost gave an honest answer in advance of Saturday night’s Orange Bowl....
Tommy Pham Says The Rays Have "Really No Fan Base At All"
Talks with area officials on a potential new stadium fell apart earlier this month, so the Rays are back in their generation-long limbo. Perhaps matters in Oakland are more pressing for MLB, but eventually, something’s going to have to give here—and as Rays outfielder Tommy Pham so brutally but accu...
Andrei Vasilevskiy Was Bug-Eyed With Disbelief At His Own Save
It was maybe not a game you’d have expected much excitement from. The Lightning lead the entire rest of the NHL, by a healthy margin, and haven’t lost in regulation since November. The Flyers, on the other hand, are scraping the bottom of the East and have already canned their coach and GM. But a mi...
The Warriors Had Themselves Another Very Normal One
The Warriors lost their second consecutive home game Thursday night, in a thrilling 110–109 overtime affair against the Portland Trail Blazers. Eventually none of this will matter, when the Warriors win the title and we all reflect on this time as a goofy period of intensely embarrassing overreactio...