as Page 953 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cowardly High School Team Bleeds Over Two Minutes Off Clock By Standing At Half-Court
Enjoy this inspiring sports action, from Wednesday’s second-round playoff game between two Pittsburgh high school basketball teams:...
College Basketball Player Sets Up Game-Winner With The Classic Off-The-Butt Play
The Eastern Washington Eagles are headed to their first Big Sky championship game in over 30 years thanks to a clever play involving a butt. Trailing by a point with 4.6 seconds left in Wednesday’s semifinal against two-seed Northern Colorado, freshman point guard Jessica McDowell-White had to inbou...
Wizards Descend On Minor-League Hockey Game To Cause Impossible Goal
The Manitoba Moose beat the Texas Stars 4-3 in AHL play on Wednesday night, but the Moose’s continued dominance on home ice is not the story here. The big news came midway through the second period, when the apparent existence of magic in our material world was revealed to us through a shot by Stars...
New Music Festival Video Shows James Dolan At Peak Weenie
Less than a week after New York Knicks owner James Dolan threw a fan out of a Knicks game, a new video posted on Twitter today shows Dolan trying to kick a fan out of music festival....
White Sox Send Good Player To Minor Leagues<em></em>
Yesterday, the Chicago White Sox sent Eloy Jiménez, probably their best player, to the minor leagues. While general manager Rick Hahn and manager Rick Renteria made unconvincing noises about how Jiménez needs to work on his defense and get his timing down, everyone knows that the team is sending hi...
Russell Westbrook Found His Jump Shot And Is Doing Russ Shit Again
Pretty much everything about how Russell Westbrook played basketball over the first 10 years of his pro career, and especially over the two seasons prior to this one, was insane and impossible. Each time he crossed over into a 75-degree change of direction while sprinting—sprinting—directly at a def...
The Pistons Have Played Like Stepped-In Dog Shit For Two Straight Games
Just four days ago, the Detroit Pistons clobbered the Bulls 131-108 at home, extending what had been a surprisingly nice little run of games for such a terminally mediocre franchise. That win over the Bulls was Detroit’s 12th in 15 games, and they were starting to look like a team deserving of a pla...
Just Try To Stop Markus Howard
The most remarkable aspect of 2019’s most remarkable college basketball player is his age: Markus Howard just turned 20 years old. The Marquette junior guard is one of the youngest players in his class, yet the 5-foot-11 Howard has spent this revelatory season torching all comers....
Atlanta's Trae Young-John Collins Duo Is Going To Be Very Fun, Very Soon
The Hawks handily smushed the visiting Memphis Grizzlies Wednesday evening, by the score of 132–111. Because the Hawks haven’t been officially eliminated from the playoff race, and because their young players are doing cool things and steadily developing into useful NBA players, every time they win ...
Tim Miles Was So Excited To Beat Rutgers He Tumbled On His Way Off The Court
The Nebraska Cornhuskers got a truly monumental revenge win tonight in the Big Ten Tournament, erasing the bitter memory of their 76-69 loss to Rutgers back in January by beating the Scarlet Knights 68-61 in yet another installment of this classic Big Ten rivalry....
Hardcore Grizzlies Fan Proposes To Girlfriend By Asking, “Will You Grit N Grind With Me Forever?"<em></em>
Every girl spends her youth dreaming of that perfect proposal from her dream guy. You know what I’m talking about. The one where you and Prince Charming are visiting fans at a March NBA game between two below-.500 teams. Harry The Hawk is there. A woman with a microphone is narrating to a semi-engag...
The Nuggets Needed Just Nine Games To Be Sure Isaiah Thomas Can't Help Them
Isaiah Thomas returned to the court on February 13, following 11 months away from basketball recovering from hip surgery. This was a moment of personal triumph for Thomas. For fans of his new team, the Denver Nuggets, on the other hand, this was a moment of dread; Thomas was horrendous last season f...
Get To Know The Rich Assholes Charged With Paying Millions In Bribes To Get Their Kids Into College
Parents obsessing over their kids getting into good colleges is nothing new, but committing actual crimes to make it happen would seemingly require a particular mindset and financial position. When the Justice Department announced yesterday charges and indictments in an absolutely batshit college ad...
An Embarrassing Collapse And A Bad Whistle Might Keep Clemson Out Of The NCAA Tournament
Two NCAA Tournament candidates right on the fringe of the field of 68 faced each other on Tuesday afternoon in a second-round ACC Tournament match-up that possibly doubled as a play-in game, and it was NC State who came away victorious. Markell Johnson made a pair of free throws with 2.6 seconds rem...
Dumbass Causes Gnarly Bike Crash By Just Walking Into The Middle Of A Race
Tirreno-Adriatico, one of the better stage races of the early cycling season, kicked off today with its traditional seaside team time trial. Racing road bikes in the first half of March in Italy is not without its hazards, and while wet roads made for a rather slippery course, the most dangerous imp...
Atlético Madrid Stuck To The Atlético Way, And Failed
Heading into yesterday’s second leg of their round of 16 matchup against Juventus, Atlético Madrid looked like solid favorites to progress to the quarterfinals, or at least as solid as any team could be going up against the Europe’s most complete team, featuring the best Champions League player ever...
The 2018(ish) Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
[greets you at the door while wearing a frayed holiday sweater; offers you curdled egg nog]...
Luka Dončić Suffers Through What Must Surely Be The Worst Game Of His Career<em></em>
An hour or so before his Spurs went out and beat the Dallas Mavericks, Gregg Popovich described rookie sensation Luka Dončić as “a beautiful basketball player” and “a consummate basketball player” who “does everything.” In repayment for these lovely compliments, Dončić went out and played what he wi...
Pissbaby James Dolan Goes On The Radio And Whines About Everything<em></em>
It’s time once again to check in on James Dolan, the infamously oversensitive and multiply delusional owner of the godawful New York Knicks. Dolan went on The Michael Kay Show today to address an incident on Saturday in which he demanded a Knicks fan be thrown out of the arena after the fan told Dol...
The Chud Who Heckled Russell Westbrook Has Been Permanently Banned From Jazz Games
A Utah Jazz fan named Shane Keisel became famous last night when he heckled Oklahoma City Thunder star Russell Westbrook, goading Westbrook into a profane and threatening response. The Utah Jazz announced today that Keisel has been permanently banned from the team’s home arena, due to the “excessive...