ass Page 303 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Isiah Thomas Promises No More Sex Harassing, Suicide Attempts, Personal Salaries
In the latest installment of the Isiah Thomas career makeover, our hero magnanimously told the assembled press corps that his first year's salary as coach of FIU will be given back to the school....
Tom Hicks Is Out Of Money
The Texas Rangers/Dallas Stars/Liverpool Kicking Guys owner has defaulted on about $500 million worth of loans and will probably have to sell his precious toys. But he was always so frugal and wise! [Dallas Observer]...
Mark Fidrych Found Dead On His Farm
What the hell is going on today? First Marilyn Chambers, then Harry Kalas, and now former Tiger Mark "The Bird" Fidrych have all passed in away in the span of about 24 hours....
Fenway On Ice
Sources say the Boston Bruins will host next year's Winter Classic at Fenway Park. If someone doesn't get checked into the Green Monster, I'll want my money back. [Puck Daddy]...
The Scottish Football Association Will Not Abide Your Pantomimed Oral Sex
The Scottish Football Association has banned players Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor for making the shocking (SHOCKING!) hand gesture seen to your left. Who would've guessed the Scottish Football Association were such pussies? [Guardian]...
The Hoff Can't Get Enough Dwyane Wade
Prime 112 in Miami closed for Alonzo Mourning's private retirement party on Monday, but that doesn't stop David Hasselhoff from showing up, asking to hug Alonzo and Dwyane Wade. [Miami Herald]...
Cito Gaston Would Like To Get A Few Things Off Of His Chest
Unlike many others hiding behind anonymity, Blue Jays manager Cito Gaston will come right out and say how he really feels about Roger Clemens. Get your pens ready, scribes, and print this: "He's an asshole."...
Pat Bowlen To Cutler: JUST GO AWAY, YOU STUPID BABY
Actually it was a bit more reasonable than that — but just as emphatic. So which team will snag Jay Cutler? [DenverPost]...
Saying Goodbye To Trader Lou
Lou Saban, who coached just about everywhere from high school to the NFL, has passed away at the age of 87. [NBC Sports]...
Congratulations To Our Japanese Baseball Overlords
Ichiro Suzuki drives in the game-winning RBI as Japan wins the WBC again. Why do we call it the "World Series" when Japan is the only country that's good at this game? [MLB]...
Tommy Lasorda Can Do This Interview In His Sleep
Tommy Lasorda has an impressive amount of energy for a man his age, but he does seem a little lethargic in this interview—and by lethargic, I mean, he can barely hold his own head up....
The Rocket That Fell To Earth And Landed On Top Of Mike Piazza
Jeff Pearlman's "The Rocket That Fell To Earth" extinguishes the leftover burning embers of Roger Clemens' baseball dignity in one big 320-page stomp. But Mike Piazza won't be pleased with this book either....
It's Chipper Jones Vs. The City Of Toronto. Let's Watch The Fun
If you play for the Braves and you're going to be at war with a city, it might as well be a Canadian one. On the whole, Chipper Jones would rather be in Atlanta....
U.S. Rallies In Bottom Of Ninth To Defeat Tiny Island
David Wright's two-run single fuels three-run rally as U.S. beats Puerto Rico 6-5 to advance to semifinals. Any other self-governing unincorporated territories want to mess with us? [NBC Sports]...
Happy St. Patty's Day, Dan Rooney
President Obama nominates Steelers owner Dan Rooney as the U.S. ambassador to Ireland. They should love Steely McBeam over there. [Boston Globe]...
A Little International Tarnish On Binghamton's One Shining Moment
The assault case against Serbian national basketball player Miladin Kovacevic continued its inexorable slide toward absurdity today, further tarnishing the name of Binghamton University, which should be basking in the NCAA Tournament glow right now....
Mercy Is For The Weak. (The U.S. Is Weak.)
Thank to the Little League mercy rule, the United States was spared nine full innings against a country that we literally own, but cannot beat in baseball. Just wait until Tommy Lasorda hears about this....
Venezuela Defeats Upstart Dutch. Good.
The cuddly Dutch honkballers lost to Venezuela, 3-1, in this afternoon's edition of the World Small Sample Size Bingo Tournament, which means the Netherlands' Cinderella run may soon come to a close. Dank God....
Marko Jaric's Marriage Might Be Saved
No charges will be filed against him in the sexual assault case due to lack of "prosocutorial merit", whatever that means. [NBCPhiladelphia]...
Actually, It Should Be Changed to "Free Marko"
Newlywed Marko Jaric is the mystery Grizzlies player accused of sexual assault. What, Adriana Lima isn't good enough? [SI]...