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The Marlins Ate $8 Million Worth Of Salary To Get Rid Of "Bitter Pariah" Heath Bell
The Miami Marlins traded Heath Bell away to the Arizona Diamondbacks—well, gave him away and promised to pay part of his salary, more than traded—and the Miami Herald dispatch announcing his departure made sure to give him a good kneecapping on the way out....

The Jets, To The Patriots: "Hang On A Minute"
The Patriots' hurry-up offense is quick—too quick, according to the Jets. They point to a crucial moment in the Patriots win over the Broncos two weeks ago in which the Patriots had sped up their offense so much between snaps that the Broncos didn't have time to make substitutions. That's not fair: ...

Percy Harvin Has The Gray Lady All Hot And Bothered This Morning
While it may not approach Jon Hamm-trouser snake levels, Percy Harvin makes an impressive appearance in The New York Times this morning. Click to enlarge....

Florida Gators Coach Will Muschamp Can't Control The VOLUME OF HIS VOICE
The Florida Gators put a beating on South Carolina yesterday in what many expected to be the marquee match-up of the day. At halftime, the Gators were up 21-6, so local radio might reasonably have expected a positive and mellow interview from a pleasantly surprised Florida coach....

Beer Of The Week: Australia's Coopers Brewery Sparkling Ale
When I dropped the six-pack of Coopers Brewery Sparkling Ale on the counter at the liquor store, the clerk immediately began singing its praises, in what sounded like an Australian accent. This was pure happy coincidence, best I could tell....

Texas Tech And TCU Combine For 37 Points After The End Of The Fourth Quarter, But Texas Tech Comes Out Ahead
Texas Tech and TCU combined to score 109 points in an incredible game that took a solid four hours and saw a hundred or so lead changes. After excellent individual performances from Texas Tech QB Seth Doege, TCU WR Skye Dawson, TCU Kicker Jaden Oberkrom (who went an icy 11/11 on field goals and ex...

The Big Bad NCAA Swings The Hammer On New Jersey, And Pretty Much Whiffs
The state of New Jersey is going to allow sports betting, starting January 2013, and the NCAA is miffed. As Yahoo's Dan Wetzel put it,...

There's No Cheering In The Pressbox, So ESPN's Lee Corso Went Down To The Sidelines
Lee Corso's College GameDay schtick has for decades been his end-of-show prognostication of the day's feature game—usually involving his favored team's mascot. (Today he picked the hometown Gators to beat South Carolina, and even brought a baby alligator to the set.) But we mostly assumed his inte...

Al Capone Once Got A Motorcade Escort Into The Northwestern-Nebraska Game
Today Nebraska and Northwestern play their sixth game in a rivalry that began in 1902. As the Huskers are a recent refugee to the Big Ten, this will be the first trip for Nebraska to Evanston since October 1931. Among the spectators in that game, according to this delightful clipping the Northwester...

Texas A&M's Six Laterals With No Time Left Couldn't Beat LSU
Not often that an SEC tilt will give you flashbacks to a Div. III game from five years ago. But today the No. 20 Aggies started slinging laterals every which way but forward while down five and out of time against No. 6 LSU, almost raising the ghosts of Trinity vs. Millsaps....

This Week's Signs Of The Apocalypse
For nearly two decades, Sports Illustrated has stirred the tea leaves to discern a weekly Sign of the Apocalypse. Deadspin salutes the magazine's ongoing effort to cover the end of times but declines to cede the scoop on the biggest event in world history....
![Ohio State Quarterback Braxton Miller Forced Out Of Game With Possible Head Injury [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Ohio State Quarterback Braxton Miller Forced Out Of Game With Possible Head Injury [UPDATE]
Ohio State's Braxton Miller—one of the nation's top quarterbacks—left the field in Columbus on a cart after suffering an ugly injury during the Buckeyes' game against Purdue. After a long run to set up a much-needed scoring opportunity (the undefeated Buckeyes being down 20-14 at the time) Miller'...

UMass DB D'Metrius Williams Spent Halftime Retweeting Compliments Beat Writers Paid Him During The First Half
Via Matt Sussman at Hustle Belt, here's what UMass freshman defensive back D'Metrius Williams's Twitter feed looked like today during halftime of the UMass game against Bowling Green:...

Dolphins Center Mike Pouncey's Newest Tattoo: Teardrop Andrew Jackson, Trollface Ulysses S. Grant, And Old West Bank Robber Ben Franklin
You have to admire the commitment to civic-mindedness, history, and patriotism, but that is one ugly tattoo. We do like giving Andrew Jackson the teardrop tattoo—a tattoo within a tattoo, probably symbolic of Old Hickory's involvement with the Indian Removal Act of 1830 that set in motion the Trail ...

The United Football League Is Too Broke To Finish The Season
The UFL, which began its season on Sept. 26, and which not too long ago signed a coverage deal for an undisclosed amount (nothing? a complimentary hat?) with CBS Sports, has canceled the second half of its season, as of today....

What To Eat With The Best Hot Sauce In The World: A Guide For People Who Aren't Anti-Sriracha Bores
You ever been to a hot-sauce specialty shop? These are dimly lit little retail closets, typically in beachside vacation towns and the like, where you stare at shelves upon shelves of little hot-sauce bottles and have a chuckle at the menacingly hyperbolic product names and label imagery used to indi...

Ryan Lochte Picked Auburn To Win LSU Vs. Texas A&M On College Gameday
Scintillating! Newly minted college football analyst Ryan Lochte made a cameo on College Gameday today, and provided insight into today's match-up between the Texas A&M Aggies and LSU Tigers as only he can: by mumbling an answer that was not among the two options he was given, and wearing a t-shir...

Your Week 8 College Football Master Schedule
Schedule and broadcasters via and cross-referenced with. If you spot any errors, let us know below. Conferences reflect home teams. Ranked teams bold; rankings from the USA Today Coaches Poll. Times (EST)....

Another Horrible Way Friends Cockblock One Another
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Ray Allen Says The Celtics Forced Him Out Of Boston
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: As for picking Miami? All his choice....