at Page 2149 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Chone Figgins's Low Batting Average Helps People Get Drunker, Cheaper
Seattle Mariners third baseman Chone Figgins is currently batting .202 on the season. Hitting a notable .087 this past week, manager Eric Wedge sat Chone on the bench for last night's game against the Yankees. There's chatter of moving him down in the lineup; like No. 9 down....

Heat Fan Uses Windowless Van To Call Out "Sixters" Fans, Haters In General (Update)
It would be easy to quibble with the fact that brunch comes before lunch in general order of meals eaten, but art is subjective and best when open to multiple interpretations. Translation: this artist might have been layering in a message by not putting the Celtics before the Bulls....

Hockey Player Misses Five Minutes Of Game Time With Broken Face, Returns In Time For Season-Losing Goal
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day after death told the world that the puffy-faced Grandma Bandit was actually a man....

The Heat Wax The East, And Deep Down We Love It
Last night, the Miami Heat ended the Eastern Conference Finals with a 19-4 run in under four minutes to beat the Chicago Bulls in five games. If you were fortunate or unfortunate enough ā I haven't decided which it is for me ā to have watched the entire game, then you would have witnessed equal part...

The Week In Deadspin
A selection of stories from the week we caught horse herpes....

Cockblocked By The Mentally Disabled!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Seattle-Area Cheerleaders Up To Their Old Diapered, Hot-Dog-Slappin' Tricks
Scene: waning springtime in the Seattle metro area. Local cheerleaders, presumably led by Parker Posey, now up to no good with the school year coming to an end, their youth and beauty fading. Their tools: diapers and hot dogs....

The Miami Heat Appear To Have Messed Up the <em>Gears of War 3</em> Hype Train
LeBron James, first you upset the people of Cleveland by abandoning their basketball team. Now you've helped the Miami Heat beat the Chicago Bulls in five games, closing the series out last night with an 83-80 victory. That means there's⦠[Kotaku] ...

Breaking: FIFA Member Not Suspected Of Corruption
Fans and executives around the world today were shocked to learn that Senes Erzik, a member of FIFA's Executive Committee , has not been mentioned in conjunction with any bribery allegations regarding the upcoming vote for FIFA President....

Watch Miami Fans Celebrate Like They Just Won A Title
For all we know, these diehard fans in their bright whites (never washed) really do think it's over and that the Heat are champions. They haven't been watching basketball that long, you see....

Joakim Noah Taps Into America's Rage By Calling The Heat "Hollywood As Hell"
Joakim Noah, who sat on the bench for much of the second half as Kurt Thomas tried to be the hero, pulled off the delicate skill of framing an absolute dis within a compliment last night. Kenny, Chuck, and Ernie are almost always this tickled with the world, but with this giggly reaction I get the...

Here's Video Of Carlos Boozer's Hard Foul On LeBron James
Sure, this is a midair mugging. Even an impartial viewer would have to conclude LeBron asked for it, though....

Report: Police Intervened When Tate Forcier Was Seen Hanging Out Of His Third-Floor Apartment's Window
The "Tate Forcier is transferring to Miami, Tate Forcier isn't transferring to Miami" story may be a little more complicated than initially imagined. WOOD-TV in Grand Rapids, Mich. is reporting that police were called to Forcier's apartment on April 22 after the QB who quit the U. of Michigan footb...

Your Bulls/Heat Game Five Open Thread
If there's an element of Chicago Bulls fandom that thinks tonight could be the season's end, Mare Bear is not among them. And who knows, maybe she's right. Because if the LeBrons have shown the world one thing this offseason, it's that they're a .500 team on the road....

One More Thing LeBron and Drake Have In Common: Master Thespianism
Or the ability to hit the ground really quickly. You decide....

More Bad Madness On The Sepp Blatter Campaign Trail
A week before FIFA's presidential elections, another evil-smelling troll has escaped from the basement of Sepp Blatter's Swiss chalet. The current source of horror: Mohamed bin Hammam, Blatter's rival in the elections, was charged yesterday with offering bribes to members of the Caribbean Football U...

Phillies Infielder Throws 10-Pitch 19th Inning To Close Out Joey Votto And The Reds
Your morning roundup for May 26, the day after Disney realized that it probably wasn't the best of ideas to trademark American heroes for profit....

Narcs Decline Opportunity To Play Softball Against Druggies In Congressional Softball League
There's something called the Congressional Softball League in D.C. Among the teams in that league is one representing the Office of National Drug Control Policy. They go by the name Czardinals. Well, there's another team comprised of people from drug-policy reform organizations who "support ending ...

When They Came For Argentine Soccer Fans With Hoses, The Fans Fought Back With Umbrellas
Despite uploader daniel1512020's admission that this video from Sunday's Huracan vs. Estudiante match is "horrible el audio," what's important is el visual. It seems as if rioting prompted officials to call the game after 32 minutes with Estudiante winning the Primera Division game 2-0. This is a ...

The Kim Kardashian Effect: Advanced Stats Show Why Kris Humphries Put A Ring On It
Nets forward Kris Humphries put up great numbers in the seventh season of his NBA career, his first as Kim Kardashian's beau. The couple announced their engagement (with a disturbing description of an "intimate family celebration" involving horses), and while there are no shortage of possible motive...