at Page 2616 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lewis Free To Roam Backfields Again
Our long national nightmare is over: Ravens running back Jamal Lewis is released from prison today. No word yet as to what prison tats Lewis will come out with, or whether he'll have made a very special new best friends named Bunny (or Sarge). He does want to skip his halfway house in Atlanta to h...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while coughing up that piece of wax fruit ... Arrivadercci Amare: Spurs reach NBA Finals. First Day, Scripps National Spelling Bee: Evan O'Dorney of Walnut Creek, Calif., advances by nailing "lederhosen." Lee's five hits power Cubs past Dodgers. In Juan Gonzalez terms, that's five se...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch now that "According to Jim" is in reruns ... Rangers go for 10th straight win. Face it, they're red hot — and your fantasy team has none of them. Game 5: Spurs at Suns: San Antonio set to wrap up Operation Desert Yawn. Braves at Nationals. Inspired by Deep Throat story, MLB to reveal a...
Blue Jays: All Gay, All The Time
Say what you will about the homophobia inside locker rooms, but in team's front offices, well, whatever pays the bills. The Toronto Blue Jays have announced their plans to host Toronto Pride Day at the SkyDome on June 23. The promotion is called — no kidding — "Men With Bats." (Subhead: "They Wield ...
How To Get Fired From Your Football PR Job
Hoo boy. Sometimes this site writes itself....
If There Were Anyone To Fire, Someone Would Totally Be Fired
In this week's Sports Illustrated, Michael Silver writes a long-winded piece about the resurgence of women's softball, not just on a collegiate level, but also in the pro realm. He warbles extensively about Jennie Finch's role on the Chicago Bandits, a professional team that played its first game ye...
Suggested Questions For Today's ESPN Chatters
12:30 p.m.: Wake Forest point guard Chris Paul If you see Julius Hodge in the NBA, will you rap him in the nuts again? Or are you saving that for Shaq?...
Fat Drivers Whine
Last week, before the Indianapolis 500, Nascar dolt Robby Gordon said it was unfair that Danica Patrick was so light, saying she had a natural advantage for speed, being so spindly. We found this amusing, because once we find the one advantage women have over men in the world of sports, some idiot...
Nick Lachey's Typist <em>Really</em> Mad
Honestly, the city of Cincinnati just drives us crazy. On one hand, they arrest people for trying to show art. On the other, Jerry Springer was their mayor. Creationism museum? Put it in Cincy! Need a sportswriter? Grab Nick Lachey!...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while seceretly meeting with Bob Woodward in a parking garage ......
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch while loitering in the TV department at Circuit City ... Game 4: Miami Heat at Detroit Pistons: Larry Brown angrily denies report that his team is playing tonight. England, Beckham take on Colombia ... in New Jersey. Whose idea was this? Chicago Cubs at LA Dodgers. To save time we'll t...
That Sound You Hear Is Teri Hatcher's Rapid Footsteps
A couple of weeks ago, word escaped that Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher had hooked up with former Detroit Piston and current Best Damn Sports Show co-host John Salley. Well, we don't expect that relationship to last much longer....
For Background Purposes, Honest
Just in case you thought Danica Patrick was a brand new phenomenon, FHM proudly proclaims that it had pictures of her months ago. So we link them to you, for research purposes. We missed the Rusty Wallace spread; our subscription to Beer Gut just ran out....
Well, At Least He's Not Fighting Anymore
The show: Dancing With The Stars The premise: "Six celebrities and their professional partners embark on an intense competition — live — in front of a studio audience and the nation." The date: Tomorrow night, 9 p.m. ET The celebrity cast: Joey McIntyre (former New Kid; the gay one, we think) Tris...
Rose Goes In The Front, Big Guy
From a profile of Mike Lieberthal in the Delaware Country Times (Pa.):...
Danica Mania: The Aftermath
Like a lot of people, we were on the couch Sunday, cheering on Danica Patrick — and, perhaps even more so, David Letterman — at the Indianapolis 500. A friend of ours was asking us the other day, perplexed, whether or not we found Danica Patrick physically attractive; we said that he was wrong to ...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while hopelessly entangled in the volleyball net ... Suns unnecessarily extend tedium. Frank Thomas returns from DL, sparking White Sox to ... no wait, he's hurt again. Men attack each other with large sticks for two hours. No one is arrested.—Rick Chandler...
To Watch Tonight ...
What To Watch While Searching For Your Pants ... Red Sox at Yankees: I'll have two beers, please ... one for drinkin', and one for throwin'. Gentlemen, start your Fandango. Unnecessary remake of Burt Reynolds classic The Longest Yard opens at a theater near you. Senior PGA Championship. Come watch t...
Another Non-Descript Gay "Comes Out"
OK, we'll be honest: We're getting tired of gay athletes. What, you ask? You didn't know of any gay athletes? Well, the only gay athletes that exist, apparently, are those who play obscure sports at tiny universities. (The most only thing wrong with gay athletes is how they inspire every journalis...
Tell Us Where On The Doll The Coach Touched Himself
From the Motivational Speaker File: Miami high school baseball coach Lazer Callazo resigned yesterday after a curious attempt to pump up his team. To quote The Miami Herald:...