att Page 255 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Brett Keisel's Neptunian Beard Will Be Forever Commemorated On This Idiot's Forearm
Johnny Menesini, a caterer from Pittsburgh, had Brett Keisel's bearded mug (which is no longer so bearded) tattooed on his forearm recently. We must say that it looks very nice — despite being a giant face on an elbow crease....
This Is The Lone American That Stands Between Soccer And Total Corruption
A lone wolf. An avenging angel. A force for good and justice in FIFA. Chuck Blazer, American hero....
Our Simple Guide To MLB Realignment, Or: Sorry Seattle, You're Losing Another Team
Do it geographically. Had to split up that raging Orioles/Nationals rivalry, but this is the easiest way to go. Oh, and I had to move the Mariners to Oklahoma City. I hope that doesn't bother anyone....
Watch Eric Hassli's MLS Goal Of The Year
One might wonder, the first time one sees hockey or soccer, why the players don't bank goals in off the post at all times—the goalies can never save them. Here's one of the prettiest examples you'll ever see, from Eric Hassli of the Vancouver Whitecaps. From outside the penalty box, on a quick rec...
Matt Kemp Encapsulates McCourt Era In Well-Meaning 20-Second Video
"We want more fans." Also, money....
FIFA Does Not Care For You Or Your Religion
FIFA has a lot of problems right now, and given that Sepp Blatter has enlisted Placido Domingo and Henry Kissinger to solve them, they're not gonna get solved....
Army Football Player's Career Derailed After Run-In With Patti LaBelle
The latest college football scandal revolves around Patti LaBelle. Richard King, a West Point cadet and former Army football player, is suing LaBelle for allegedly ordering her bodyguards to attack him during an incident at Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston this past March. The 67-year-old ...
Man Gets Flipper On His Stump
I don't freakin' know. Via Ebert, because why the hell not....
Sepp Blatter's "Council of Wisdom" May Include...Placido Domingo?
Previously in our Sepp Blatter is a loathsome historical figure series, we likened the Swiss dictator of FIFA to a wicked American president and a murderous Chilean general. But where does one go with the news that Blatter now wants a Spanish opera star to help him clean up corruption in FIFA? This ...
Chile To Investigate Pablo Neruda's Death; FIFA-Adviser Henry Kissinger To Investigate His Navel
A judge in Chile just ordered an investigation into the mysterious death of poet Pablo Neruda, who supposedly succumbed to prostate cancer 12 days after a Henry Kissinger-backed right wing coup installed a hideous dictator who brutalized and slaughtered his own people for years. The circumstances su...
Guess Which City Is Having A Pearl Jam Bobblehead Night?
The Seattle Mariners are hosting the Rays on Friday evening, and because they already had a bobblehead night for Felix Hernandez, they have no choice but to start honoring local grunge rockers. Friday night is Mike McCready night at Safeco Field, which also happens to overlap with a benefit night fo...
Lady Horse Who Finished Racing Career 19-1 Blogs About Getting Knocked Up
For all the talk about Zenyatta possibly being the best racehorse ever, what was left out of the debate was her equability to keep a diary. Entry #261 was posted on Zenyatta.com today. Here's a portion of what she had to say:...
Watch Bees Take Down A Whole Bunch Of Brazilian Soccer Players
This footage comes from a semi-pro soccer match in Brazil from over the weekend. When the game started, it was just Corumbaense versus Itapora in front of pretty much no fans whatsoever. Then, the bodies started dropping. Play briefly continued until, at one point, there was one man standing. One ...
War Criminal To Advise FIFA On Compliance
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, newly re-installed FIFA dictator Sepp Blatter has announced that that avatar of moral probity, Henry Kissinger, will advise FIFA's new corporate governance and compliance body from his seat on a "committee of wise persons."...
FIFA's Version Of Democracy Captured In A Single Photo
I'm sure all of you will be clustered around the internet wire today as the exciting results of FIFA's hotly contested presidential race trickle in. Early exit polls reveal that voters are evenly split between Sepp Blatter and Sepp Blatter, but you never know which way the suburbs of Prague will go....
Here Is The Giant Bill Simmons <i>NYT Mag</i> Profile You Were All Waiting For
It's called "Can Bill Simmons Win the Big One?" and it's by The Bronx Is Burning author Jonathan Mahler. Never mind that his book was made into an ESPN miniseries and that's not disclosed in the piece....
Seattle Goes Streaking
Not one, not two, not three, but four enterprising and besotted Seattleites decided to run on the field in a single game this weekend. One even took the streaking part literally. (Warning: video provides copious-yet-blurry shots of bare man-ass, and the towel does eventually fall off.) And once ag...
Here's A Photo Of The Seattle Mariners Streaker In The Loving Grasp Of Three Committed Security Guards
On a night when Chone Figgins lowered the price of Widmer beer at one Seattle bar to $1.97 (0-5 in the Mariners win over the Yankees), a streaker was the third of four fans to run on the field. He apparently took a shine to Derek Jeter in the eighth inning but the shortstop declined his advances. F...
Chone Figgins's Low Batting Average Helps People Get Drunker, Cheaper
Seattle Mariners third baseman Chone Figgins is currently batting .202 on the season. Hitting a notable .087 this past week, manager Eric Wedge sat Chone on the bench for last night's game against the Yankees. There's chatter of moving him down in the lineup; like No. 9 down....
Seattle-Area Cheerleaders Up To Their Old Diapered, Hot-Dog-Slappin' Tricks
Scene: waning springtime in the Seattle metro area. Local cheerleaders, presumably led by Parker Posey, now up to no good with the school year coming to an end, their youth and beauty fading. Their tools: diapers and hot dogs....