ball Page 469 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Dolphins As North Korea
The Miami Dolphins’ loss to the Buffalo Bills on Sunday was their most normal game of the season, which is to say that it was their least interesting. The circus came to town, but nobody fell from the trapeze or was mauled by a bear. The Dolphins showed up, gave the fans a game, lost, packed up, and...
Report: Sam Darnold's Toenail Removal Procedure Was "Pretty Gross"
Toenail is the new seeing ghosts is the new spleen is the new mononucleosis. Add to the never-ending list of Sam Darnold’s bizarre ailments a toenail that had to be removed on Tuesday, after the Jets QB’s foot got stepped on during his team’s spooky loss to the Patriots on Monday. Head coach Adam G...
You Can’t Turn Steph Curry Into James Harden
Stephen Curry is one of the leading conduits of migraine headaches in modern American sports. That is to say, his name is invoked when migraines are inspired, which is correlation rather than causation....
The Jets Are Being Babies About Sam Darnold's "Seeing Ghosts" Comment
The only bit of entertainment Jets quarterback Sam Darnold provided Monday Night Football viewers this week was when he candidly admitted into a microphone that he was “seeing ghosts” during his four-interception performance against the Patriots. Because no NFL team can ever just let one of their pl...
Patrick Corbin Was The Only Choice
Dave Martinez knew it. He knew it by the fourth, when the Astros worked Max Scherzer for 27 pitches, pushing his pitch count on the night to an unsustainable 96 through four, but also he knew it on Monday, when the Nationals manager declined to name a starting pitcher for Game 3 despite having a cle...
Nationals Make Gerrit Cole Look Maybe Not Quite Human, But At Least Humanoid
The combustible Nationals bullpen tried very hard to give this away, but in the end the five runs their hitters put up on terrifying buzzsaw Gerrit Cole held up, and the Nationals escaped Game 1 with a 5–4 victory to snatch away home-field advantage in the World Series.Cole looked very much like his...
Surprise, Surprise: Masai Ujiri Won't Be Charged For Allegedly "Concussing" Sheriff's Deputy After Winning NBA Finals
In a statement almost perfectly timed with the beginning of the defending champion Toronto Raptors’ season, the Alameda County District Attorney’s Office has announced that team president Masai Ujiri won’t be charged for his role in an altercation with a sheriff’s deputy that happened when he tried ...
Umpire Joe West Sues Retired Catcher Paul Lo Duca Over Bribery Allegations
Umpire Joe West has had his share—some would say more than his share—of failures. You would be well within your rights to describe him as unreliable, ornery, confrontational, or an occasional obnoxious textualist. He’s been all of those things! But one thing West will not hesitate to sue your ass ov...
Adam Gase Is Out Of Excuses
To list all the problems that plagued the Jets last night would be futile and time-consuming. That laugh-track loss to the Patriots, which snuffed out any cautious optimism that might have flowered from last week’s promising win over the Cowboys, speaks for itself. But going forward, the overarching...
And Now, A Modern Drug Deal Gone Wrong
Today, we’re talking about drugs, buffets, shitty NFL stock music, and more....
The Brain-Poisoned Knicks Fan's Case For Frank Ntilikina
Knicks fandom is an identity unto itself—big dummy who likes pain—but it is not one big undifferentiated blob of big dummy. These fans hold a diversity of strong opinions, on players that no healthy person should have to think about any longer than a commercial break. Heading into the new season, t...
If You’re Defending Tom Brady’s Cheap Martyr Routine, You’re Fucking Pathetic
The scene is good. In case you missed it, have a gander below at the now-infamous scene from the new Paul Rudd show Living With Myself where Tom Brady strolls out of a massage parlor:...
Fantasy Football Man Mad
Oh brother, can you believe that shit that happened last weekend? In the fantasy football? With the frickin’ Cardinals? They really boned us, fellas! I know you know what I’m talking about! Gah, I’m so steamed! And so is ESPN fantasy football analyst Matthew Berry:...
What In God's Name Happened To Jordan Tebbutt?
Steve Blake was eager for a game. Fresh off signing a deal with the Trail Blazers in the summer of 2014, the guard stepped onto the court at ClubSport Portland to commemorate his second stint in Rip City. ...
A Modest Proposal For The World Series Baseballs
With the World Series upon us, and the magic of the Houston Colt .45s vs. the Montreal Expos preparing to unfold before our satanically red-rimmed eyes, we can sit back, forget the rest of the world its slowly advancing state of entropy and decay and ask ourselves the most existential of questions:...
Bill Belichick Delights In Tormenting The Hapless Jets
Viewers who hadn’t already slipped into a coma Monday night will have noticed a funny sequence early in the fourth quarter of the Patriots’ blowout victory over a spectacularly inept Jets team. A pair of declined penalties against New England’s punt team produced the ultra-rare scene of Bill Belichi...
Odell Beckham Jr. Is Pissed About A Big Fine For A Dumb Uniform Violation
Browns receiver Odell Beckham Jr. showed off his gams during Cleveland’s Week 6 loss to the Seattle Seahawks back in Week 6, wearing his uniform pants a couple inches above the knee. Why should you give a rip whether a football man wears his pants above or below the knee, you ask, like a real grump?...
"Spooky" Sam Darnold Sees Dead People In Ghastly Loss To Dreaded Patriots
Sam Darnold’s first game back after a bout with smooching disease went great! The returning hero threw for 300-plus yards, and his Jets upset the Cowboys, and poor, discarded Luke Falk was swiftly forgotten. Darnold was even named AFC Offensive Player of the Week! Darnold’s second game, Monday night...
Bills Fan Says Dolphins' Bobby McCain Spit On Him, Also Threatened To Spit On Kid
Defensive back Bobby McCain, like all of his teammates, surely can’t be enjoying playing for the winless Miami Dolphins, but he really needs to take those losses with whatever shreds of dignity are left....
These Photos From A Muddy 49ers-Skins Game Are So Good
San Francisco’s win in Washington may not have been good football, but it was beautiful in its way.At a rainy, sloppy Landover, the Niners slip-slid their way to a 9-0 win that was a wholesomely good time—for the winners, anyway. “It takes you back to being a kid: You’re out there, you’re sloshing a...