ball Page 616 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Browns Are Being The Browns
Happy Halloween from Emergency Football Show Weekly! This week Dom and I discuss the Browns’ coaching changes, why morning NFL games are so great (Dom—and West Coasters—may disagree), Michael Dickson’s fourth-down run and Todd Gurley’s decision to go down before scoring a touchdown. Enjoy!...
Oh Look, Russell Westbrook And Patrick Beverley Still Hate Each Other
The sun rises and sets, people die and are born, and a grudge grudges between Russell Westbrook and Patrick Beverley. The years-long feud flared up again last night during the Thunders’ 128-110 win over the Clippers, with Westbrook whipping out the “rocking a baby” celebration after scoring on Beve...
Bills Fan Faces Stiff Punishment After Cops Pegged Him As Dildo-Thrower
Police were pretty hard on Florida man Michael Abdallah, 34, who was arrested for throwing a dildo on the field during the Patriots-Bills game on Monday. The cops reportedly used security camera footage and eyewitness accounts to grab Abdallah; then they squeezed him for $250 in cash or $1,000 in b...
Maryland Is Big-Time College Football
DJ Durkin is back. The Maryland head football coach, who in the very best-case scenario, was so incompetent at overseeing a program that he allowed it to turn into one so toxic and so physically dangerous to players that it killed one, but who was so competent at instilling a culture of “fear” that ...
The Cavs Can Even Screw Up The Firing Of A Lousy Head Coach
What a weird, awkward situation they’re brewing up in Cleveland. The Cavs fired head coach Tyronn Lue Sunday morning, apparently without establishing whether their intended interim replacement was willing to accept the job, and now they appear to be gearing up the tank. Kevin Love is dead; they’ve s...
Kawhi Leonard Pestered Ben Simmons Into The Bad Kind Of Triple-Double
Ben Simmons, who can’t shoot worth shit, had the bad kind of triple-double Tuesday night, registering 11 turnovers against 11 points and 10 assists. This isn’t an especially rare feat in the NBA—Basketball Reference says it has happened 81 other times since 1977—although Simmons’s 21 combined points...
You Can't Escape The Peterman
Gather round, if you dare, and enjoy this very scary story on Devil’s Night....
Whoa, Hey, Some Football Players Got Traded
The NFL stove is notoriously ice fucking cold throughout the regular season, but teams have been feisty over the last few days, and some big-name players have been traded for significant draft picks. The league trade deadline passed at 4:00 p.m. EDT today, and would you believe it, some more guys go...
The Booger Mobile Has Been Taken Down A Notch
For Monday Night Football games, analyst Booger McFarland is placed in a large contraption that strafes the field so he can get a view of the action that he could more or less get from a sideline camera. The Booger Mobile’s value to the TV viewer is debatable, but what’s clear is that it really aggr...
Mitchell Robinson Is A Quiet Gem
It’s the third week of the least accursed Knicks season in quite some time. Kristaps Porzingis is getting accustomed to his new ACL and hamming it up the sideline with no timetable in sight; the tank seems to at least be deliberate this time around; there is belief in coach David Fizdale; and there ...
Report: Board Of Regents Forces Maryland President To Keep DJ Durkin As Coach
Maryland football coach and alleged tyrant DJ Durkin will return to the sidelines this weekend for the Terrapins’ game against Michigan State, as first reported by 24/7 Sports. The University System of Maryland Board of Regents reportedly recommended that the school retain Durkin and athletic direct...
Help! My Boss Just Followed Me On Twitter
Today, we’re talking about T-shirts, gorilla suits, flowers, peeing, and more....
Luka Dončić Appears To Be The Real Deal<em></em>
Luke Dončić has played seven NBA games in his career, and his passing is already sufficiently respected and feared by opponents to the point that he was able to create a wide open shot for himself with a fake no-look pass last night....
Ass Team Of The Week: Eli Manning And The New York Giants Will Break You
The New York Giants have transformed into a tremendous keister this season, the size and proportions of which have been amply documented on this very website. If you’re a regular reader you already know what the deal is: Eli Manning is old and shitty now and the offensive line can’t protect him and ...
Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie Retires Rather Than Keep Playing For The Raiders<em></em>
Former Giants and Cardinals defensive back Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie has announced his retirement today. He doesn’t appear to have suffered a season-ending injury, so perhaps his midseason departure has to do with the wear and tear, physical and emotional, of playing for the 1-6 Oakland Raiders....
Ref Kicks Dildo At Bills Game
Bills fans tossing sex toys onto the field is a well-worn bit at this point, as evidenced by the fact that three separate dildos made their way onto the playing surface during last night’s game against the Patriots. It’s probably time for the dildo-tossers to get a new gag, but this one plays as lon...
Baseball's Weirdest Team Makes A Weird GM Hire, But Maybe A Smart One Too
The Mets being the Mets and Mets fans being Mets fans, each of the team’s three GM finalists had a specific gripe attached to them before the team announced on Monday evening that it would be hiring CAA agent Brodie Van Wagenen. If this seems like a bit much, it’s because of the Kremlinology that’s ...
Klay Thompson Knows How To Break A Slump
Before last night, Klay Thompson was 5-of-36 from deep on the season. Five three-pointers in 232 minutes, over six games, averages out to about one three every 46 minutes. In Monday night’s beatdown of the Chicago Bulls, Thompson shot 14-24 from beyond the arc in 27 minutes, making that one three-po...
Ty Montgomery Says He Wasn't Sure If He Was In The End Zone
Packers running back/return man Ty Montgomery cost Green Bay the chance at a win on Sunday, returning a kickoff out of the end zone and coughing up a fumble rather than taking the touchback and handing the ball to Aaron Rodgers for a textbook two-minute drill. Montgomery understandably did not want ...
Report: Prison Drug Use May Have Contributed To Aaron Hernandez's Death By Suicide
An autopsy performed in April 2017, after the death by suicide of former Patriots tight end and convicted murderer Aaron Hernandez, reportedly “came back negative for all substances” tested, including, importantly, synthetic cannabinoids. But a new report from the Boston Globe says the final police ...