ball Page 969 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

It's Almost Colin Kaepernick Time

The San Francisco 49ers are bad, and their starting quarterback, Blaine Gabbert, is also bad. Gabbert was terrible against the Cardinals last night, throwing for just 162 yards while getting picked off twice, and he’s now got six picks and five TDs to go along with a completion percentage of 58. Th...

The Only Good 49ers Highlight Tonight Was Anthony Davis Doing Rude Blaine Gabbert Tweets

The 49ers lost to the Carson Palmer-less Cardinals by 12 points tonight in front of about 50 or 60 fans. Blaine Gabbert laid an egg and threw for 162 yards, along with a pair of picks and a pair of touchdowns. The most noteworthy thing the team did on the field was knock coconuts. The best highlight...

Joel Embiid Meets His Match: A Water Bottle

Joel Embiid finally got onto an NBA basketball court the other day, and we’re all excited to see what he can do. But they have a preseason for a reason, and for Embiid the exhibition games are necessary to learn how to drink water properly: ...

Report: NFL Threatens To Fine Teams If They Use Too Much Footage On Social Media

Buried in Albert Breer’s column for MMQB this morning was a nugget suggesting just how seriously the NFL is taking their declining primetime TV audiences. Ratings in the 18-t0-49 demographic have fallen between 12 and 16 percent for Thursday, Sunday, and Monday night games, and the NFL, coincidental...

Jane Doe Testifies About The Night She Says Derrick Rose Raped Her [Updated]

Jane Doe, the woman who alleges that New York Knicks guard Derrick Rose and two friends raped her in 2013 and is suing them in civil court in Los Angeles, testified today that she doesn’t remember much about that night. She does remember having a lot to drink during the night, several shots of vodka...

LSU-Florida Game Called Off Due To Hurricane Matthew

Saturday’s college football game in Gainesville, Fla. between LSU and Florida has been canceled, with Hurricane Matthew expected to hit the state this weekend....

Angels Pitcher Matt Shoemaker To Consider Wearing Protective Headgear

Angels starter Matt Shoemaker missed the final month of the season after being struck in the head by a 105-mph line drive. He underwent surgery to stop the bleeding in his skull, and is now healthy enough to pitch again. In an interview with Good Morning America, Shoemaker expressed a willingness to...

On Rites Of Passage<em></em>

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here. ...

Root For The Indians In The Playoffs<em></em>

Welcome to the American League Central Division, home of the Cleveland Indians. Each year, one team from this division is selected completely at random to compete in the playoffs. If you are a fan of a team in the AL Central, where chaos rules, nothing surprises you. You would not be surprised, for ...

Root For The Rangers In The Playoffs

The Texas Rangers finished with a 95-67 record, winning the AL West while nine games clear of the second-place Seattle Mariners. The lack of competition within the division, and thus the lack of a late-season race for the playoffs, may have kept the Rangers mostly off your radar this season. Now’s ...

Former Florida QB Chris Leak Under Investigation For Sexually Assaulting A Teenager [Update]

According to a report from the Orlando Sentinel, former Florida quarterback Chris Leak is being investigated by the Orlando Police Department for sexually assaulting a 16-year-old girl in early September. Leak was in the midst of his first season coaching Edgewater High School when he resigned on Mo...

This Is The Closest We've Gotten To Finding The Beer-Throwing Blue Jays Fan

The police have not yet identified the shithead Blue Jays fan that tossed a beer at Hyun Soo Kim last night, who the team said was able to slink off into the night before security could apprehend them. This, despite the rigorous work done by certified expert internet investigators such as myself. Wh...

Rob Manfred On Not Paying Minor Leaguers A Living Wage: "It's Not Really About The Money"

The bipartisan “Save America’s Pastime Act,” introduced over the summer, is some simmering, unconscionable bullshit that doesn’t even try all that hard to hide its Disney villain-esque desire to portray the fate of Baseball At Large as antithetical to paying its employees a living wage. What it actu...

We’re simulating tonight’s National League wild card game between the Giants and the Mets in Baseball Stars for NES, and it’s LIVE:...

The Warriors Will Be Fun And Deadly And None Of It Matters Until May

The Golden State Warriors beat the Los Angeles Clippers 120-75 last night. Most of that lead was built in the first half, when both teams were still playing starters. You were probably watching the vice-presidential debate or the AL Wild Card game instead, because you rightfully don’t give a single ...

Root For The Mets In The Playoffs

The 2015 National League champions coasted on a sea of subpar second-place teams to home field advantage in the bullshit crapshoot that is the one-game wild card playoff (can’t wait!). More than half of their Opening Day bevy of shampoo-commercial starters have been sidelined with injury but between...

Joel Embiid Finally Made It Onto An NBA Court

831 days after being becoming the No. 3 overall pick in the 2014 NBA draft, Sixers center Joel Embiid played in his first real(ish) NBA game against real NBA players....

Former Baylor Title IX Coordinator: "Baylor Set Me Up To Fail From The Beginning"

Patty Crawford, Baylor’s former Title IX coordinator, and her attorney, Rogge Dunn, sat down with CBS This Morning Wednesday to discuss her two-year stint at Baylor and the reason for her recent resignation....

Report: Ex-Baylor Title IX Coordinator Rejected Huge Settlement Offer To Be Able To Go On TV

Former Baylor Title IX coordinator Patty Crawford resigned yesterday, per a university press release that noted that she was, “disappointed in her role in implementing the recommendations” of the Pepper Hamilton investigation that ripped Baylor officials for their incompetence and malfeasance in han...

Jim Harbaugh Got The Train Formation From Some High School Film

In the closing moments of the first quarter of Saturday’s 14-7 over Wisconsin, Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh’s offense lined up in a formation that almost nobody outside of Littleton, Colo. had ever seen....