basketball Page 295 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ben Simmons Says He's Nearly Seven Feet Tall Now
When Ben Simmons was picked first overall in the 2016 draft, he was listed at 6-foot-10. Unfortunately we haven’t seen much of him since. What was the 20-year-old doing in that time, besides waiting for his foot bones to heal? Becoming larger....
Dwight Howard Going At Al Horford Three Times In A Row Last Night Was Fun As Hell
One of the fun little subplots of the season of the season has been animosity between the Celtics and Hawks. The Celtics have taken the Hawks’ spot of two years ago as prime challenger in the East to the Cavaliers, and feisty point guards Isaiah Thomas and Dennis Schröder have gotten into it about w...
LaVar Ball: UCLA Obviously Couldn't Have Won The Championship, They Have Too Many Slow White Boys
The nation’s preeminent Sports Dad is at it once again, folks. LaVar Ball’s latest comments are on son Lonzo’s trip to the Sweet Sixteen with UCLA and why the team couldn’t make it further, as reported by the Orange County Register:...
Aaron Gordon Jumps Out Of His Shoe For Beautiful Dunk
Earlier this week, the Magic found themselves in the awkward position of reassuring Aaron Gordon that the whiteboard-fueled rumors about trading him definitely weren’t true, no way. Tonight, Gordon tried to make a case for sticking around by literally jumping out of his shoe to turn this slick Elfri...
CNN War Propagandist Promotes Syrian Attacks: "This Is Not Like Kentucky Basketball"
Resident CNN war flack James “Spider” Marks excitedly promised an extended war against Syria, as the visibly engorged retired U.S. Army major general contrasted tonight’s use of more than 50 Tomahawk missiles against John Calipari’s Kentucky basketball program, stating that “this is not [...] one an...
Report: Investigators Looking Into Death Threats Made Against Referee By Kentucky Fans<em></em>
According to a report from the Associated Press, Nebraska law enforcement investigators are looking into death threats leveled against John Higgins, the referee whose personal life and career as the owner of an Omaha roofing company have now been the focus of pissbaby Kentucky fans for over a week-a...
Any Game Can Be A Home Game If You're LeBron James
In the first half of the Cleveland Cavaliers’ 114-91 win over the Boston Celtics last night, LeBron James threw down a massive dunk, served up a demoralizing block on the other end, and then trotted into the crowd to bask in the attention of his adoring fans. This game was not in Cleveland. ...
Russell Westbrook Wields The Power Cosmic Against Memphis<em></em>
One of the worst critiques of Russell Wesbrook’s MVP candidacy is the one that tries to sneer at the very concept of the triple-double. “It’s an arbitrary accomplishment!” mewls the weenie. “We’re biased towards round numbers!” he continues, sniveling, pretending like a the roundness of 31-10-10 som...
The East Still Belongs To The Cavs
The Cleveland Cavaliers have struggled mightily since the All-Star break, watching the Boston Celtics catch up with them atop the Eastern Conference standings thanks to their putrescent defense. Since getting throttled by the Spurs last week, the Cavs have stabilized and won three out of four, altho...
James Dolan Called Me An Asshole, Knicks Fan Says; "He Is An Asshole," Dolan Says<em></em><em></em>
Mike Hamersky, a self-described New York Knicks superfan and season ticket holder from Astoria, claims that team owner James Dolan got in his face last night outside Madison Square Garden and screamed mean things....
What The Fuck Was This Basketball Game?
Plenty of good, entertaining basketball happened last night, so you probably didn’t notice this game stuck to the bottom of your shoe: The league-worst Nets, who have no real incentive to tank, hung 141 points on the Sixers in regulation....
Your Way-Too-Early Top 25 Is Way Too Useless
The NCAA men’s basketball national championship game was Monday; if you missed it, you really didn’t miss much. UNC bested Gonzaga in a physical, sometimes ugly, run-of-the-mill college basketball game to secure the Tar Heels’ sixth title in program history. The refs weren’t great (neither were the ...
Patrick Ewing Says He Can't Keep His Son On Staff Because Of Georgetown's Nepotism Clause
Georgetown basketball legend Patrick Ewing, newly hired as the men’s basketball coach at his alma mater, went on The Sports Junkies this morning to dish about his new job. A few tidbits: After coaching in the NBA, Georgetown was the only college gig he would take; he’s always valued his former coach...
The Spurs Forced Overtime On A Beautifully Designed Inbounds Play
Down two against the Grizzlies with just 2.7 seconds remaining, you’d probably expect the Spurs to try and get the ball into Kawhi Leonard’s hands. That’s what the Grizzlies thought too, so when LaMarcus Aldridge screened Leonard’s man, Wayne Selden, his defender, Brandan Wright, went with Leonard t...
Asshole Kentucky Fans Are Still Harassing And Threatening Elite Eight Referee
It’s been 10 days now, and some Kentucky fans, when not shoveling out their overflowing diapers, are still making harassing phone calls to and trying to sink the business of longtime referee John Higgins....
Lance Stephenson Made A Late Layup And Hurt The Raptors' Feelings
The Indiana Pacers were up by 15 with 10 seconds left in their game against the Toronto Raptors when the Pacers’ Joe Young grabbed a rebound and kicked it out to Lance Stephenson, who jogged down the court for an easy layup. Immediately, the announcers started finger-wagging and taking Stephenson t...
Magic Forced To Reassure Aaron Gordon Over Dumb, Embarrassing Whiteboard Trade Idea
What do you suppose Orlando Magic head coach Frank Vogel and, uh, star(?) forward Aaron Gordon talked about today, at their meeting—reported by the Orlando Sentinel’s Josh Robbins—about the sudden viral-photo-sparked rumor that the organization might be hoping to trade Gordon for Philadelphia 76ers ...
North Carolina Takes Down Gonzaga To Win Sixth National Championship
After 40 tense, often ugly minutes of basketball, North Carolina defeated Gonzaga, 71-65, to win another national championship, their first since 2009. The game featured 44 fouls, a combined field goal percentage of 34.8, and a series of inexplicable late referee interventions. At one point, Gonzaga...
Dave Bliss Resigns In Disgrace After Baylor Murder Scandal Doc Airs
Southwestern Christian University men’s basketball coach Dave Bliss announced his resignation this evening just a few days after Showtime premiered a documentary on the murder of former Baylor player Patrick Dennehy by then-teammate Carlton Dotson in 2003. Bliss was the Bears’ coach at the time, and...
I'm So Glad Gonzaga Fouled With A Three-Point Lead
Thank you, Gonzaga. It was as if you read my angst-riddled mind on Saturday night....