ben Page 111 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Who's Sorry Now? Golf Edition
It's bad enough that your name is John Henry Isenhour III. But now word has leaked that you killed a protected species of hawk with a golf drive, on purpose, and there are criminal charges pending against you. Poor dumb sap. The only thing remaining of course is a phony, slapdash apology. Take it aw...
Hasn't Benny The Bull Suffered Enough?
If you can't see the video for some reason, what we have here is Benny the Bull on The Jerry Springer Show, being told by his girlfriend that there's "someone else." That someone is a larger, plastic Benny the Bull, and of course violence ensues. But there are so many ways that it could have been fu...
The Favre Retirement Snafu Mystery
So, honestly, what in the name of fucking Florio happened today with the Packers.com very brief, yet very public screw-up regarding Brett Favre's retirement? About an hour ago, the Packers PR monkeys fessed up to the whole situation, telling Dennis Dillon at The Sporting News that, "The people who h...
Take Our Mistake, And Make It Yours
Because we attended school (occasionally) at the University of Illinois, most of our old friends are fans of the Chicago Bulls, and it's difficult to overstate how excited they were when they initially signed Ben Wallace. It felt vindicating, the reward for waiting for the first post-Jordan star. T...
Chad Johnson Might Want To Play For The Redskins
The Bengals are adamant: They're not trading Chad Johnson. But it appears Chad Johnson has a differing view....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while having so many people to thank, wow, my incredible cast, I couldn't have done it without you, my director, my agent who believed in me when nobody else did, my parents, who always supported everything I've always done, the studio, oh my god I know I'm leaving someone out, and all...
Kenny Enjoys Popsicles
The man you see here iis one Kenny Irons of the Cincinnati Bengals. The downright fabulous picture was posted yesterday on the blog Bossip, who incidentally have one of the finest taglines on the internet. Before you go jumping to conclusions regarding Kenny's sexual proclivities you might want to c...
Isiah Thomas Is Many Wonderful, Vibrant Shades Of Crazy
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a copy of which I carry at all times, a delusion is defined as: "A false belief based on incorrect inference about external reality." There are three photos of Isiah Thomas next to the entry. Just prior to the Knicks' a 107-97 l...
Well, Look Who's In Trouble Again
Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was just reinstated to the NFL after an eight-game suspension. That's good. Police are already investigating him for another incident. That's bad....
Greetings, Spinheads
Hello again, faceless internet cro-mags. A.J. Daulerio here to guide you through this glorious autumn day full of dead leaves on the dirty ground and sweaters stuffed with cold tits. Hopefully, I'll play a small part in making your day of corporate drudgery fly by as quickly as possible so you can a...
Chad Johnson Wants You To Keep The Tape Rolling
No matter what anyone says, it's still hard to adjust to the notion of Keyshawn Johnson wearing a suit and being introduced by Chris Berman. It's like the spectacle of Sitting Bull as part of Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. Keyshawn was not meant to be tamed....
Pity Poor John Bowie
As the Patriots cruised to yet another easy victory last night, with three more Tom Brady touchdowns and two more Randy Moss touchdowns, we take a look at the sad sack that is John Bowie....
Will The Patriots Score 38 Again?
This could be the last stand for the Bengals, early on anyway, and they're playing the absolute worst team you could play right now if you needed to make a last stand. Unfortunately, everyone's just going to talk about that CameraGate situation all night. Again....
OMG, Guyz, Nobody Understands My Complexity :-(
When we last left USA soccer goalie Hope Solo, she was benched in the semifinal game against Brazil, which they lost 4-0. Since then, Solo has publicly called out her coach for making the wrong decision, then defended her words on the best location possible: the Internet!...
Bring Your Umbrellas To Paul Brown Stadium On Monday
There might be no better metaphor for the beginning of the Cincinnati Bengals' season than the fact that fans have been noticing bird poop in their beers....
NFL Players Move Around Less Than You Thought
We know that football is a violent game, full of huge men slamming into each other at frightening rates of speed. But, so you know, the 60 minutes of football you watch actually features less action than you think it does....
Chris Henry Probably Isn't Felonious; Just Dumb
We know what suspended Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was doing on Sunday; he was watching football with our own MJD. And now we know what he doing the rest of the week; accidentally stealing rental cars....