black Page 50 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ministry Is Now Writing NHL Fan Songs
Anyone who had that collegiate/postcollegiate fervor of metal-sledged revolution will remember the anarchic thrust of the band Ministry. Every time we listened to that band, we were convinced the world was collapsing all around us and only our youthful vigor could save it. Then the song would end an...
Humor Is Different In Australia, Apparently.
These two fellers are Central Coast Mariners, which is apparently an Australian Rules Football team. Shockingly, for Australians, they have somewhat, uh, a little trouble in the racial department. That guy on the right is in blackface. Really bad blackface, but blackface nevertheless. You think tha...
Blackhawks, Brawls And Brewskies
Since tedious analysis is the stuff of "power rankings," each Monday NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski uses a form of universal expression: Success in terms of beer. Before we get to the fury of fists that was Oilers/Canucks, welcome to The Brewmeister Ratings......
I Puck Like A Beast, Too
No Mighty needed: Ducks over Devils, 2-1. Scott Niedermayer returned to the Jerz and promptly made a mockery of his old team. Devils fans welcomed back one of their own with a chorus of boos. Niedermayer, unfazed: "In some ways you take that as a bit of a compliment.Obviously they didn't want you to...
Greetings, Redux
So, for those of you who weren't up at 3:15 a.m. this morning and didn't see my initial greeting being posted(timestamp said 9:15 a.m, for fuck's sake), well here we are again. Anyway, wake up sleepy heads. It's a glorious day to sit at home and watch me mess up this place with reckless abandon....
Commit To the Indian, Bitches!
The NHL Closer is written by Greg Wyshynski, of The FanHouse and The Fourth Period. He is also the author of Glow Pucks And 10-Cent Beer....
Tiger Victim's NFL Allegiance Revealed
Continuing the long tradition of people who have been laid to rest while wearing the gear of their favorite NFL team, that guy who was killed by the tiger at the San Francisco Zoo was sent to his great reward on Tuesday while wearing a ... you guessed it ... Oakland Raiders jersey. No word on what j...
It Would Take Your Mother One... No, Two... Hours To Watch Bowling
• 12:30 p.m. — Movie: Napoleon Dynamite [Comedy Central] • 1:00 p.m. — Bowling: PBA Great Lakes Classic [ESPN] • 1:00 p.m. — Movie: White Men Can't Jump [A&E] • 2:00 p.m. — Skiing: FIS World Cup, tape delay [NBC] • 2:30 p.m. — Golf: V Foundation Celebrity Classic [ESPN2] • 3:00 p.m. — Golf: Father/S...
Even For The NHL, Byfuglien Is An Odd Name
• I'd Like To See Where These Hats You Speak Of Grow In Nature. By the time Dustin Byfuglien's reign of terror began over Phoenix, it was already 2-0 Blackhawks. And that's when his hat trick on consecutive goals occurred — in the first quarter. It was only 5-0 after one trimester, and the Hawks had...
Raiders Fans Would Rather Look Elsewhere, Thank You
It's not easy being a Raiders fan. First off: What goes with black? Seriously! It's also difficult to find time to cheer, what with all the drinking of infant's blood. And worst off, the Raiders' lousy game with the Texans this Sunday happens to be at the same time as The Most Important Battle Betwe...
Imagine That: Being Able To Watch Your Team On TV
We don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but we don't find it all that surprising that less than a month after the death of owner Bill Wirtz, the Blackhawks are close to finally having their games on television....
R.I.P. Bill Wirtz
They say that no one on their deathbed ever says, "I wish I would have worked more" — other than Jack Donaghy, anyway — but one wonders if, ultimately, former Blackhawks owner Bill Wirtz, who died this morning at the age of 77, would have secretly smiled to learn that the first line in his obit invo...
Hawaii Loves Its Haka
The Hawaii Rainbows have taken, to fire themselves up, to doing the Haka before games. The Haka is mostly famous for being the intimidating pregame ritual for the New Zealand All Blacks rugby team. Now the Rainbows do it, mostly because their name is the Rainbows. But the WAC is not happy about it,...
Tommy Morrison Is A Deep Thinker
One would think "boxer" Tommy Morrison's constant claims that AIDS is "an invented virus" making money for the drug industry, and that "heterosexuals can't transmit the virus" would inspire people to stop taking him seriously and no longer listen to him. That hasn't worked, but maybe his new enlight...
We Re-Introduce You To The Comedy Stylings Of Sinbad
Last night, in Indianapolis, the Colts were awarded their Super Bowl rings at some sort of soiree. Some sports marketing guy was there and filed a full report. It will come as little surprise to you that the Comedy Ringleader of the evening was ... Sinbad....
Just Blow Into This Tube, Mr. Tyson
Mike Tyson, ex-pugilist extraordinairre, gnawer of earlobes, raper of women, can add a new dubious title to his evergrowing legend: possessor of cocaine. Yes, its seems early yesterday morning in Scottsdale, Arizona, America's favorite boxer who can no longer box was pulled over during a routine che...
That's Never Been MY Experience
Do me a favor. Click this link, check out the headline, then come back. I'll wait....
Army Women's Coach Passes Away
In an unfathomably tragic story, Army women's basketball coach Maggie Dixon, who took the Lady Cadets to the NCAA tournament this year at the age of 28, died yesterday afternoon of a heart arrhythmia. Dixon, the sister of Pittsburgh coach Jamie Dixon had no history of heart problems and, after all...
The NASCAR Revolution Begins Today
We interrupt today's basketball coverage to tell you about Bill Lester, the first black man to qualify for a NASCAR race in 20 years. He'll be in the field for today's prestigious Golden Corral 500, which is underway as we speak....
Black Guy Wins Gold Medal
American Shani Davis won a gold medal earlier today in the 1000m speedskating event, becoming the first black person to win an individual gold medal in Winter Olympic history. Debi Thomas won a bronze in figure skating in 1988, and Vonetta Flowers won a gold medal as a member of the women's bobsle...