bo Page 809 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Colombia Robbed By “Scantily Clad Girls” At World Cup Hotel
Probably not the headline Danny Jordaan, head of South Africa's World Cup bid, wants to be reading over his Corn Flakes just two weeks before the tournament starts. ...

Watch The Citadel And Elon University Baseball Teams Pound Each Other Mercilessly
Last night, Dash clued you in to the epic brawl between The Citadel and Elon's baseball teams. Here's the video for all of you that were too lazy to click a link. Tuck in that shirt while you're at it....

Last Night's Winner: The Rules, Technically (UPDATE)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like NBA schoolmarms, who time and again toughen up the rulebook to improve the league's cosmetics and who time and again wind up screwing with the game itself....

Simona Halep Loses The Boobs, Loses
Simona Halep did indeed show up to the French Open significantly less top-heavy than she was a year ago, but she still lost in the first round. Hey, you don't just bounce back from something like that. [Mirror/Daily Mail]...

Do You Believe In Unexplained Mystical Phenomenon?
Can Orlando continue to keep things interesting? Or will Boston continue to annoy everyone by being Boston? Consider the possibilities as you settle in for another night of learning and loving. Unless there's something I don't know about. Okay, then......

Yankees Fans Pull Ahead In Basebrawl Standings
Ah, spring. When a young man's fancy turns to getting loaded and fighting other young men at a sporting event. This video, taken at a recent Rays-Yankees game covers all the hits: a brief brawl, people shouting "YouTube," and finger-pointing galore....

Taunting Tony Horton The Day After He Slit His Wrists: A Cleveland Fan Repents
The following is excerpted from Top of the Order: 25 Writers Pick Their Favorite Baseball Player of All Time, edited by Sean Manning and featuring essays by Matt Taibbi, Stefan Fatsis, and others. Here's Scott Raab, writing about former Indian Tony Horton....

An Interview With Mike Cetera, My Literary Cubs Foil
If you've read Are We Winning?, you know my friend Mike, a Cubs fan who goes to the game with my father and me and worries about his young son becoming a Cubs fan. Well, he still exists....

Tampa Bawww: Scribes Cry Foul Over Northeast Super Bowl
As soon as Roger Goodell announced that the 2014 Super Bowl would be played at the new Meadowlands Stadium, our nation's finest sportswriters hit the panic button. But lets bring them in from the cold with a little, you know, logic....

Aural Secs: David Ortiz's 30-Second Tater Trot Explained With Music
In honor of David Ortiz's Roger Bannister moment last night, an Aural Secs is in order. Unlike frequent Aural Secs subject Usain Bolt, Ortiz is quite slow, so we're going with the final chord in "A Day In The Life."...

Mississippi State Recruit Bodyslams Math Teacher Onto Unemployment Line
Click to view Here's video of Jamerson Love, a cornerback for Aberdeen High School, wrestling now-former algebra teacher Shobul Johnson. Allegedly, Johnson asked his students to "black out the windows" and "move the furniture" before commencing to rumble. Then he got his asymptote kicked. [Rivals]...

And Now A Photo Of Evan Longoria's Penis. Allegedly.
Those Beantown rapscallions at Barstool Sports have posted a photo of what one woman claims is the Rays' third baseman's prodigious bologna hammer. If you choose to click, remember that the safety of your workplace may be in peril. PENISPHOTO....

Fat-Ass Baseball Players Get Their Roger Bannister Moment
Per Wezen-Ball's wonderful Tater Trot Tracker, David Ortiz rounded the bases after yesterday's solo shot in 30.59 seconds, a new record by nearly eight-tenths of a second. Yes, mankind has at last shattered the 30-second barrier. [Wezen-Ball]...

Intern Horrors: A Lengthy Stare-Down With Barry Bonds
Welcome to the inaugural edition of Intern Horrors, a weekly feature in which interns (and the people who hire them) get to complain. Today we have an MLB legend, a cooking accident, poop in a bank, and good old-fashioned menial labor....

White Chocolate Would Really Prefer You Not Violate His Private Space, Mr. Reporter
The frustration of the Magic's poor showing thus far in the conference finals has reached its boiling point. Watch as Jason Williams swears a blue steak at a reporter, and Matt Barnes cannot help but laugh. H/T Jovan....

Tebow Overkill Now In A Handy Central Location
ESPN has launched their Tebow Tracker, designed to give you all the Tebow news in the world of Tebow. Tebow Tebow Tebow. I thought such a thing already existed, and it was called THE ENTIRE SPORTS MEDIA. [ESPN.com]...

Boston Beats Magic, Browbeats Lakers Fans
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Basebrawl Season Is In Full Swing
Thursday's Angels-White Sox game at U.S. Cellular Field featured two things you often see on the South Side these days: a White Sox loss, and a bunch of White Sox fans beating the shit out of each other. H/T BullFightsOnAcid...

The Pittsburgh Ownership War Heats Up
Pirates owner Bob Nutting is still bitter over the Penguins' ownership group's attempt to buy the Bucs. When the Pirates fired back with a petty, "objective" column (on a team-run site) trashing the Pens for this season's failure, it ignited a firestorm....

Michael Johnson Was "The Fastest Human Ever," According To Michael Johnson
A new BBC documentary about Usain Bolt—hosted by fellow sprinter Michael Johnson—adoringly mentions the man Bolt beat to claim the "fastest man alive" crown....Michael Johnson! Not mentioned: The one guy who was actually faster than Johnson....