br Page 1013 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Sad, Sorry Last Days Of Brett Favre
We probably should have seen this coming: Now that it's pretty much obvious to everyone on the planet that Packers quarterback Brett Favre should retire before he shows up in a Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals jersey, Emmitt Smith-style, Favre is going on one of his typical passive-aggressive...
See? Highlights Are Harder Than They Look
Yes, yes, we know this is old — seven months old, in fact — but we only recently saw it, it's a slow holiday weekday and, besides, it's tremendously, brain-hurting funny....
Setting The 4 o'clock Table...
• Oakland @ Denver. It's nice of Raiders fans to all gather in one place, so that Santa Claus can skip just one big location with ease and convenience. • Indianapolis @ Seattle. Watch to see how many Colts rest, thus crippling your fantasy team's chances. • Philadelphia @ Arizona. I usually do three...
Steelers Putting Their Thing Down
Those of you who are hoping for a Browns upset over the Steelers today are likely to end up quite sad. Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger is apparently still quite bitter about the afore-mentioned Mr. Football snub, and he's playing his best ball of the year....
Blogdom's Best: Hating The Browns
We've been poring over so many NFL hater blogs lately that we're beginning to feel like Mr. Potter from "It's a Wonderful Life," or worse yet, Al Davis. We long to examine other areas of hate, preferably ones which do not include 350-pound persons who could hurt us. So after today, we will shift g...
Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Roger Brown
OK, it's just time to say it: Roger Brown makes stuff up. That's the word on the street anyway. When a veteran Northeast Ohio sportswriter such as Hal Lebovitz (and when we say "veteran," we mean "was the last person to interview Custer") levels the charge, we tend to give it weight. Said the late...
The End Of Brett Favre, For Real This Time (Probably)
It has been so long since Packers quarterback Brett Favre was good that it would almost seem mean to continue thrashing him if it weren't for the John Maddens and Peter Kings of the world still treating him like Jack Twist treated Ennis Del Mar. (We imagine SI editors, in the Michelle Williams rol...
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
Clearing The 4 o'clock Table...
• Cleveland 9, Oakland 7. If you watched this one, you're a diehard Browns fan, a diehard Raiders fan, or a person with severe emotional problems, and I'm worried about you. Let's get you some help. • Bengals 41, Detroit 17. Even Chad Johnson knows that it's bad form to celebrate the mundane accom...
Your Takes On The Sex Boat Wrapup
We love doing this site, but, to be honest, what we might love the most are you, the readers. Your comments are the highlights of our days, and not just because you're funnier than we are. We thought we'd take this opportunity to showcase our personal favorite slices of hilarity from today's earli...
The Full Report On The Sex Boat
So, hey, anybody else actually dug into these whole Vikings criminal complaints, the ones The Smoking Gun grabbed? If you haven't yet, we suggest you do, because it's even more entertaining than you thought. But, we understand, you're very busy at work today. So allow us to help you out. We've dug...
Kobe's Four-Year Moratorium On The Word "Sex"
Quote: "My nose is a little crooked, man. I'm normally super, super sexy. I'm just super sexy now." — Kobe Bryant, after being kicked in the face by the Timberwolves' Anthony Carter...
That's A Quarter Per Sweat Dollop
Far be it from us to tell collectors what is valuable and what isn't — we wouldn't trade our Willie McGee 1987 Topps card for the Shroud of Turin — but we have to say, we're pretty surprised by one of the top items on MLB.com right now....
LeBron May Be The Smoothest Man Alive
I couldn't hear the commercial real well, and I'm not quite sure what was going on. Some kid was dreaming about bread, and there was butter involved, I don't know. It doesn't even matter. LeBron James is the smoothest man alive....
Non-Chad Johnson TDs Suck
Instead of fining Chad Johnson for excessive touchdown celebrations, Paul Tagliabue should start fining Bengals who score TDs that aren't named Chad Johnson....
Athlete Run-In: Where There Is Tom, There Is Tara
Today's final athlete run-in story is timely, because it involves current Sports Illustrated Sportsman Of The Year Tom Brady. We've documented Brady's nightlife exploits before, but this one has an even more fun addition: Tara Reid! From Scott in Kansas City:...
Keeping The Streets Safe From Waltons
Of all the celebrities who showed up at the USC-UCLA game last weekend, it must have been easy to miss Luke Walton, Lakers bit player and son of Big Bill Walton. But not for long. As reported by USC's From The Sidelines blog, the younger Walton was booted off the sidelines last weekend for not ha...
Give Us Your Best Skip Bayless Stories
We've received a lot of feedback about our selection of The Boston Globe's Bob Ryan as today's bad hometown columnist, which can be broken down into the following percentages:...
Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Bob Ryan
By all accounts, Bob Ryan was once a good writer. But then something happened. The molten lava, burning his features. The painful reconstruction. The cryptic words: "Rise, Lord Vader." Yes, Bob Ryan's journey to the dark side is now complete. With his ubiquitous presence on Around the Horn and Par...
Blogdom's Best: Denver Broncos
It might not — yet — have the online fanaticism and cachet of baseball, but the NFL and its fans are starting to catch up in the world of team-devoted blogs. To this end, Deadspin salutes these modem-addled souls and proudly presents Blogdom's Best, given to the most outstanding blog for each NFL ...