br Page 563 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Quiet Century: How Osama Bin Laden Destroyed Baseball
Reader: As you undoubtedly know, the play-offs will soon be upon us. These are heady days; days that call for reflection, reflection upon both our future and, yes, reader, our past. But before I unveil yet another world-historical revelation, I would like to take a moment to offer my readers a clari...
The Cubs Might Have Screwed Themselves By Screwing Kris Bryant
This Wednesday, the Cubs play the Pirates in the NL wildcard game. The game is in Pittsburgh, but it’s worth noting that the Cubs finished one win away from hosting it themselves. The slimness of that margin should send Cubs fans back to April, when their front office decided to detain Kris Bryant f...
Bruce Bochy Was "Giddily Incredulous" With How Matt Williams Handled His Bullpen
Whenever just-fired former Nationals manager Matt Williams found himself on the receiving end of pointed questioning about a decision he made, his go-to move was to simply state one of his players’ role. ...
Kobe Bryant Is Back, Motherfuckers!
Kobe Bryant played in a preseason game against the Jazz last night, and it was the closest he’s been to real NBA game action in nine months. In case you were wondering, he’s still Kobe:...
Rodgers Out
Liverpool FC announced this afternoon that manager Brendan Rodgers, who has seemingly been on the hot seat for the better part of two years, has been fired. Here’s how they, rather Britishly, phrased it....
UCLA's Kicker Inadvertently Tackling A Guy With His Helmet, In Extreme Slow Motion
UCLA kicker Ka’imi Fairbairn got blown up while serving as the Bruins’ last chance to stop a Tim White kick return. But Arizona State didn’t take the kick to the house, because Fairbairn’s helmet brought White down. It’s Pac-12 after dark, at least on the east coast....
Now It’s Sepp Blatter Vs. The Brands, And We All Lose
Well now, isn’t this getting interesting!...
Ronaldinho Looks Like He's Had A Hell Of A Week
Life is hard, man....
Ronaldinho Can't Play Soccer Anymore, But He Can't Stop
Watching Ronaldinho in his prime—nipping the ball around defenders with moves you’d either never seen someone pull off in real life or at least never, say, against some of the world’s best defenders, in the middle of the sport’s fiercest rivalry, in front of 80,000 opposing fans, with supporters so ...
Max Scherzer Pretends To Choke Bryce Harper
The Washington Nationals, the saddest and most dysfunctional team in the league, are somehow still playing baseball games. I kind of assumed that everyone had already packed up their shit and gone home for the winter, but nope! They’re still out there, pitchin’ and hittin’ and catchin’. At least Max...
Watch The Mets Celebrate Clinching Through The Camera On Michael Conforto's Head
When a baseball team celebrates an accomplishment by spraying each other with gallon upon gallon of beer and champagne, there’s always a couple of players with some kind of camera strapped to their head. We see all sorts of media from these celebrations—high-quality photos, local news reports, even ...
Local Committee Backs Gun-Wielding Ref, Say Shit's Real In The Field
Gabriel Murta, the intrepid Brazilian referee who saw fit to break out the strap in order to deal with some violent players, is being defended by the local referee governing body. They explain that while bringing a piece to the pitch may seem extreme, refereeing in Brazil’s lower levels is often so ...
The Blue Jays Partied Extremely Hard After Winning The AL East
Even by the standard of normally raucous division-clinching celebrations, the Blue Jays went a little crazy tonight after beating the Orioles 15-2 in Baltimore. I guess that’s what you do when you haven’t won a division title or even been to the playoffs in 23 years....
Mikhail Prokhorov Hijacks Nets Practice, Demonstrates Insane Dribbling Workouts
Nets owner and crazy Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov stopped by his team’s practice session today. Was he there to check in on how the guys are feeling? To offer some encouragement ahead of the new season? Hell no, man, he was there to teach those young bucks some important hoop skills....
Angry Brazilian Mascot Flips His Shit, Rips Off His Head After Offside Call
Mascots are traditionally meant to bring joy and levity to sporting proceedings, which you’d think would be especially true of O Vovô (the Grandpa), the mascot for Brazilian team Ceará. This guy couldn’t keep his cool after seeing a Ceará goal disallowed though, and blew a gasket....
Debbie Does Drywall: Why Home-Renovation Porn Is My Favorite Porn
Have you ever harbored sexual feelings toward a granite countertop, or imagined that a dual-vanity sink was actually former Prince ingénue Vanity? If so, you’re likely already an avid fan of HGTV (Home & Garden Television, although gardens are scarce), a cable channel that makes the rigorous renovat...
A Whole Bunch Of Browns Say TMZ's Johnny Manziel Story Was Made-Up
The big story in Brownsland yesterday was a TMZ report that cited three unnamed “offensive starters” calling for the team to switch back to Johnny Manziel at quarterback. As if that weren’t already a narrow pool of suspects, Browns starters have since raced to deny it was them—six players at latest ...
Tom Brady And The NFL May Have One Last Courtroom Showdown Days Before The Super Bowl
Ballghazi isn’t over, but both the NFL and Tom Brady would like it to be as soon as possible—or, more specifically, to be resolved before the start of the 2016 season. A federal appeals court has granted a request by both sides to expedite the appeal hearing, and the timing could turn out to be fun,...
This Is The Worst Of The Bad Opinions On Bryce Harper, But Only So Far
This teaser tweet is insane enough:...