br Page 999 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
LeBron James, "Singing" And "Dancing"
We know that LeBron James is always trying to become the cool, worldwide superstar guy that everybody loves, that transcends all demographic commercial boundaries, the superhuman with a sense of humor. It's a marketing gimmick, and that's OK: As long as he entertains, we don't mind, considering he i...
Michael Bloomberg Cannot Be Bothered With Your 'Hockey'
Let it be known that Michael Bloomberg is a serious man with many important papers on his desk, and that his office has wood paneling and various brass fixtures. This leaves him little time for traditional sports wagers with other, lesser mayors....
They Just Love The Browns To The Very End
One thing we will never doubt is the intense, eternal devotion of Cleveland Browns "fans." And "eternal" is the key word: Even those about to be executed are woofing it up....
The Atlanta Braves Will Happily Separate You From Your Money
So here's a novel concept: The Atlanta Braves, trying to figure out a way to sell more tickets, are allowing fans to buy tickets on a payment plan basis. If you don't have the cash to see a game, don't worry: The Braves will finance you....
This Is A Nice Little Sunday Night, Yes?
Phil Jackson was right. It was hard out there for a pimp, and it was also pretty hard out there for any Los Angeles Laker not named Kobe Bryant to touch the goddamn basketball down the stretch of that game. I think Sasha Vujacic's hands are going to be permanently frozen in the "ready to catch" posi...
Maybe The Guy Just Wanted A Better Look At Edgar Renteria
A fellow named Frank Martinez was arrested and charged with interference with a professional sporting event (which is an actual crime because of Calvin Klein, evidently) and second-degree reckless endangerment after shining a high-powered flashlight into the eyes of Atlanta Braves Tim Hudson and Edg...
Lawrence Phillips Goes For Rare Triple Crown
An old George Carlin comedy routine had a good time mocking California's "Three Strikes And You're Out" policy of jailing three-time felons for life; Carlin pointed out that the writing of laws for the incarceration of our citizens should perhaps not be based in cute and funny baseball terms. But as...
Brian Urlacher Deplenished Of $100 Grand Worth Of Fluid
OK, so we'll say it: We don't find Gatorade the slightest bit replenishing. We think it mostly tastes like urine distilled through a coffee machine, but that's less to the point; when we work out, the last thing we want is a sugary thick beverage. We're working out to lose calories; why would we wan...
ESPN Turns "Douche" Into "######"
We will confess, a little bit of Paul Shirley's I'm A WRITER Who Happens To Play Basketball! schtick goes a long way. He's mostly amusing, we guess, but he has a tendency to overwrite — like we can talk — and seems a little too proud of himself from time to time. That said, he's entertaining, and we...
Bill Hall Is Smarter Than The Average Centerfielder
Back when we lived in St. Louis, we made the mistake of parking our car before a Rams game in the rooftop garage for the Gateway Arch, which is technically federal property. This was not necessarily a problem until we popped open a beer for a tiny, sad little tailgate. Within a matter of seconds, th...
Want To Boo Someone, Eagles Fans? Try The Team Accountant
See, this is what the Eagles get for naming Andy Reid's son the new team accountant. Eagles running back Brian Westbrook was owed a $3 million roster bonus this off-season, and the Eagles paid it to him... twice....
Remembering what Jackie Robinson meant, and who he was
As we prepare for Jackie Robinson Day in baseball on Sunday — the Cardinals, among other teams, are considering having every player wear No. 42, which gives us the unique opportunity of seeing David Eckstein and Brad Thompson pay tribute to Jackie — we thought we would provide our own tribute to a g...
Cleveland's Wacky Home Game In Milwaukee
As you know, thanks to all the freaking snow in Cleveland, the Indians "hosted" the Angels in Milwaukee yesterday, and Indians fans Mistake By The Lake were there. It was a bizarre afternoon all around, with the scoreboard showing Cleveland news headlines, a misplaced sausage race and, most amusingl...
Seriously, Lidge Is About To Turn The Corner
We didn't get to pay much tribute yesterday to Brad Lidge losing his closer's job already, but hey, it's never too late to show that video from the 2005 NLCS. It's OK to toss this in, it's not rubbing it in, because the Astros won that series. Right?...
Someone In The Reuters Photo Department Is Having Some Fun
Last week, the Denver Broncos held open auditions for women to join their cheerleading team. Two hundred and fifty women tried out for 34 slots. One of them was this woman....
Why The Terrorists Hate Us, Reason No. 131: The 12-Person Beer Bong
If the Milwaukee Brewers don't do one other thing in the entire future of their franchise (and there's a possibility they won't), it just doesn't matter. Their legacy is secure and we call them heroes; for they have already given us the wonder of racing sausages, and the greatness that is the 12-per...
The Final Four Open Thread
I'm afraid I won't be with you for tonight's basketball festivities — I decided to try actually watching a game without a keyboard in front of me. I don't know what that's going to be like, but I've heard it's wild....
Your NL Central "Preview"
Look, guys: We didn't pick the Cardinals! (We still think they'll win the wild card.) Yes, our flirtation with the Brewers continues; we actually picked them to win the wild card at midseason last year. So there's that....
Your NL East "Preview"
We should probably warn you: The Phillies are one of those teams we pick to win the National League East a lot. If you haven't noticed, they haven't won the NL East in a long, long time. But we're gonna try again anyway....
More Fun With Joakim Noah
Because Saturday's Final Four matchup between Florida and UCLA is a rematch of last year's national championship game, some bad blood is still stewing, or boiling, or whatever bad blood does, and UCLA fans are wanting revenge. And how does today fan fire himself for revenge? Funny PhotoShops!...