bs Page 189 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

How Andrei Kirilenko Is Spending His Summer Vacation
There's so much absurdity in this little tableau that the fact Andrei Kirilenko is on a jet ski is probably the most normal thing about it....

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Gatorade
The fancy schmancy Gatorade dispenser that has adorned the home dugout at Wrigley Field this summer is being removed and replaced with a boring old water cooler. Why? Because people can't be trusted to have nice things....

No Gatorade Machine Is Safe From Zambrano's Wrath
Carlos Zambrano did not make it through his start against the Pirates today and neither did the Gatorade dispenser in the Cubs dugout. Carlos gets ejected, but it's always the electrolytes that have to pay the price....

Carlos Marmol Leaves Team To Be With Wife (Not Pictured: His Wife)
Cub reliever Carlos Marmol is taking a leave of absence from his day job to fly to New York, as his wife is scheduled to give birth there this week. So then who was the very non-pregnant "female companion" he was snuggling with two weeks ago?...

Midwesterners Sure Do Love Their Lawn Mowin' T-Shirts
Irked by the loathsome "Zambrano mows my lawn" shirt found on one Cardinals fan a couple weeks ago, the Wrigley faithful come back with their own interpretation....

A Special Balls Deep Message To The Class Of 2009
This is Balls Deep with Drew Magary. Read him at KSK. Buy his book. Follow him at Twitter. NSFW Inga after the jump....

Now, Is This Better Or Worse Than "Horry Kow?"
This shirt, worn at Busch Stadium by one cuddly Cardinal fan, was shown off proudly without security hassles. At least the fan with the "Cubs Suck" shirt was forced to turn his inside out. [JSF]...

Carlos Zambrano Needs A Timeout
The Big Z is going on the 15-day DL with a bad hamstring. Should Cubs fans panic? Should they start beheading farm animals? Or get drunk and embrace the Jeff Samardzija Era. [Sun-Times]...

This Is Not Alexander Ovechkin's Strip Club Receipt
Like any young rich athlete, Alex Ovechkin likes to have a good time, but there are probably enough actual crazy stories about him out there that people don't need to be making them up....

Barry Zito's Obscene Gingerbread Twitter Photos Are Somewhat Disturbing
Ladies and gentlemen, the handiwork of tonight's Giants starting pitcher against the Dodgers. PETA would like to get involved, but their jurisdiction doesn't include desserts. [Twitter]...

A Ball-Grabbing Good Time At The United Center
Ben Gordon scored 22 points against Boston today, but none bigger than this DAGGER! three to tie the game at the end of the first overtime. He also has something in his shorts for you....

Milton Bradley: 'I Never Had A Problem In My Life Until I Started Playing Baseball'
Milton Bradley's latest media boycott lasted about as long as Kramer's vow of silence on that episode of Senifeld. For someone who's not talking, there sure was a horn 'o plenty of quotes on Thursday....

Cubs Fans Will Never Escape Their Terrible Destiny
A rogue cat invaded Wrigley Field yesterday, reminding Cubbie fans everywhere that the ceaseless torment of loving sport's most accursed franchise will follow them to their eternal damnation beyond the grave....

Breaking: Some Sports Franchises More Equal Than Others
"Don't get me wrong I love America," a reader writes. Whatever Wen Ho, think I don't get my fill of pinkos whining about Fox over at Torture Points Memo?...

Deadspin Special Guest Editor Days Are Here And Waiting For Your Approval
Tomorrow we'll try a risky experiment just for the sake of risky experiments — yes, a strange different voice, will be infiltrating Deadspin tomorrow....

Rod Blagojevich Will Tweak Your Lineup
Did former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich really once give Lou Piniella lineup advice? And more importantly, why didn't Piniella take it?...

Well That Didn't Take Long
A tipster writes: "I'm following the Cubs/Cards game on ESPN and the play ticker said that Milton Bradley just got ejected. Haha. I have no idea what happened but I hope it's hilarious."...

The New Milton Bradley Is Cool, Calm And Collected
Milton Bradley says he's ready for any abuse that Cubs fans can dish out. That's because he's a new man; all that childish stuff is in the distant past. Ha ha, but anyway ......

Reed Johnson Does Not Believe In Goat Stories
Even though another goat was found hanging from the arm of Harry Caray, right fielder Reed Johnson still manages to make the ladies swoon with his wall-climbing abilities. [Total Sports]...