bu Page 550 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Stephen Strasburg Is Strasburgering The Crap Out Of The Indians
Stephen Strasburg update: 8ks, 5innings. Just give him the Cy Young for the rest of the decade right now. /Costas'd. [Yahoo!]...

Indoor Plumbing Comes To Pittsburgh
Oh good, the "lets flush all 552 toilets at the Penguins' new arena and hope the place doesn't blow up" test was a success. Apparently, the septic system tanked a few seasons in a row to get the top new equipment. [Post-Gazette]...

Adam Burish Takes High Road, Offers To Punch Chris Pronger One More Time
Chicago may have ended their ridiculous Stanley Cup drought on Philly's home ice, but apparently that's no reason to be magnanimous. Celebration or no celebration, there's always time to remind people that Chris Pronger is a bit of a jerk....

Last Night's Winner: Strasburger Entrepreneurs
In sports everyone's a winner, some win better than others. Like the marketing geniuses who quickly pulled together $12 burger platters named after Stephen Strasburg, welcoming the goofy-grinned savior to both Major League Baseball and DC-area stomachs....

Bob Costas Feeds The Strasburg Hype Machine
Stephen Strasburg was pretty amazing in his major league debut last night, but that didn't stop baseball's self-appointed dream weaver from pumping up the superhero rhetoric even further—while simultaneously blaming others for their flights of fancy....

Did MLB Network Predict Josh Willingham's Home Run?
Yes, he's the real deal and we'll have more on that later, but did anybody else notice this goof-up/incredible called shot from the boys in the truck?...

Stephen Strasburg: Let Them Know It's Strasmas Time
The Washington Nationals' Band-Aid, Stephen Strasburg, makes his Major League debut tonight against the anemic Pittsburgh Pirates. He's expected to throw three no-hitters, hit five home runs, and save numerous cats from numerous trees....

Town Offers To Rename Itself "Stephen Strasburg"
Via Darren Rovell, the town of Strasburg, Va., will rename itself Stephen Strasburg, if he just makes a visit sometime this year. Hey, it put Hitler, North Dakota on the map. [RenameStrasburg.com]...

Bud Selig Speaks On Imperfect Game, Says Nothing
No overturning Jim Joyce's call, and no perfect game for Galarraga. But there's this: "Given last night's call and other recent events, I will examine our umpiring system, the expanded use of instant replay and all other related features." [MLB]...

This Week In Horrifying Leg Injuries
In case you missed it, there were a couple of real leg-cracking beauties this weekend. One happened to an MLS goalie and the other a minor MMA fighter, so yeah, you probably missed it. Click if you dare....

Pittsburgh Seeks Brave, Able-Bodied Young People For Controlled Toilet Flushing
Are you over 18 and a fan of coordinated, group activities? The Pittsburgh Penguins would like 250 "students" to flush all the toilets at the newly constructed Consol Energy Center. In other news, Western Pennsylvania now runs on toilet news....

Like All Rich And Graying New York Icons, Keith Hernandez's Mustache Summers In The Hamptons
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

In Honor Of Memorial Day, Here's A Photo Of A Marine With Sarah Palin Tattooed On His Ass
That butt belongs to Gunnery Sgt. Benjamin "Gus" Lepping, an explosive ordnance disposal tech serving in Afghanistan. Reasoning: "What could be better than getting a tattoo of the hottest cougar in the Republican Party?" [Battle Rattle]...

Watch The Citadel And Elon University Baseball Teams Pound Each Other Mercilessly
Last night, Dash clued you in to the epic brawl between The Citadel and Elon's baseball teams. Here's the video for all of you that were too lazy to click a link. Tuck in that shirt while you're at it....

Starbucks Promotion Turned Into Yet Another SuperSonics Protest
The coffee giant's "We love you Seattle" Facebook page is under siege from angry NBA lovers, because they blame CEO Howard Schultz for selling off their beloved team. Yep, Sonics fans are never letting this one go. [SunBreak]...

Nationals Fans Upset About Being Forced To Watch Nationals Game
Next Friday's home game at Nationals Park is the hottest ticket in D.C. Unfortunately, it's still just a regular ol' June game against the Reds and not the big league debut of Stephen Strasburg. By the way, no rain checks!...

The New Tim Lincecum Cartoon Will Give You A Contact High
Another day, another baffling sports figure TV show appearance. Today we have the inaugural episode of Timmy & Bus, a cartoon that is for children in the way that all unicorn-vehicular-manslaughter cartoons are for children. [Tauntr]...

Mississippi State Recruit Bodyslams Math Teacher Onto Unemployment Line
Click to view Here's video of Jamerson Love, a cornerback for Aberdeen High School, wrestling now-former algebra teacher Shobul Johnson. Allegedly, Johnson asked his students to "black out the windows" and "move the furniture" before commencing to rumble. Then he got his asymptote kicked. [Rivals]...

Hideki Irabu Resurfaces With A DUI
Raise your hand if you knew Irabu was living in Los Angeles, let alone still alive. Well, he's living it up, getting busted on suspicion of drunken driving last week. [KTLA]...

Best News Lede Ever? Best News Lede Ever
"The Brevard County doctor who was arrested for groping a woman while dressed as Captain America with a burrito in his pants will not go to jail." [WFTV, via FilmDrunk]...