car Page 316 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Look, It's The Worst Sports Card Of All Time!
What the shit is this? How did this end up on our desk? Who would make something like this?...
Latin American MLB Prospects Conceal Their Ages By Swapping Entire Families
Ben Badler at Baseball America has a fine story today describing age fraud among international prospects. The wise prodigies of Venezuela and the Dominican Republic have learned from the missteps of Leo Nunez/Juan Carlos Oviedo and Fausto Carmona/Roberto Hernandez Heredia. (And the take-on-a-whole-n...
Rick Carlisle's "Dirty Bullshit Has Got To Stop" Led To An <em>Inside The NBA</em> Discussion Of Profanity In Popular Music
Mavericks head coach Rick Carlisle showed some frustration after Oklahoma City's 102-99 win over Dallas tonight, especially in regard to this incident between Dirk Nowitzki and Kendrick Perkins, one that might look mild when compared with certain proponents of World Peace but an example of the phy...
Witness The Last Gasp Of Local News Reporting As It Repeatedly Hits On St. Louis Cardinal David Freese
Here is World Series MVP David Freese being subjected to quite possibly the most uncomfortably awkward fluff piece ever. Six Flags has a Mr. Freeze roller coaster and Show Me St. Louis' Julie Tristan decided it would be the perfect excuse to continually hit on the young Cardinal. She even brought i...
Tim McCarver Blames Global Warming For The Increase In Major League Home Runs
We'd normally save this sort of thing for McCarve'd Up (which will be back next week after being pre-empted for NFL draft coverage) but Tim McCarver said one of the stupidest things ever spoken on a television broadcast today, blaming global warming for "making the air thin" and thus leading to a...
Reports: Matt Leinart To Sign With Oakland Raiders
Look out Bay Area, here comes the party (and lifetime 57.6 completion percentage). Friend of the program, Matt Leinart is ready to move on from his backup role in Houston to a new backup role with the Oakland Raiders. According to Adam Schefter, Leinart will sign with the Raiders and immediately be...
Mohamed Sanu Drafted By The Cincinnati Bengals, No Seriously—The Bengals Drafted Him Friday Night
The Rutgers wide receiver was projected to go in the second or third round, and after a prank call pump fake on day one, he actually did go in the third round to the team he thought picked him in the first round....
Some Dick Prank-Called Mohamed Sanu And Told Him He'd Been Drafted
The Rutgers wide receiver is projected to go in the second or third round, but there's no blaming Sanu for getting his hopes up last night. As Cincinnati prepared to make their pick, someone claiming to be from the Bengals called Sanu and told him they were about to select him 27th overall....
Better Know An Umpire: Mark Carlson
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...
Our Experts Review The Yankees' New Cologne, The $50 "Justin Bieber Of Scents"
This month, the Yankees introduced a new men's cologne (a women's fragrance will also be available at Macy's soon; it's already available at Yankee Stadium). Here's how they describe the "New York Yankees™ Eau de Toilette":...
For Interfering With That Foul Ball The Other Day, Matt Geiger Got Called An Asshole By An Old Woman In A Wheelchair
Former NBA big man Matt Geiger has given a radio interview about the brain fart he had in the eighth inning of Sunday's Twins-Rays game, which we first showed you the other day. Geiger said he got caught up in the moment because he was hoping to get a ball he could give to his 4-year-old son....
How To Make A Pipe Out Of <em>ESPN The Magazine</em>'s Stupid Weed-Panic Issue
The latest issue of ESPN The Magazine contains a feature by Mark Schlabach about college football's marijuana "problem." It is, as we've noted, one of the most useless sports-and-drugs stories ever committed to paper. But not entirely useless! The video above provides step-by-step instructions f...
John Terry Was Sent Off From The Champions League Semifinal After Pulling A Metta World Peace
Minutes after Barcelona scored to tie the aggregate at 1-1, Chelsea captain John Terry was sent off for one of the dumbest stunts seen in the Champions League in years: kneeing Barça striker Alexis Sánchez in the back....
Better Know An Umpire: Vic Carapazza
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...
Are You Ready To Dance To The Music Of Caroline Wozniacki? (Features Dog, Tennis Ball)
Fame-chasing tennis underachiever Caroline Wozniacki still hasn't won a Grand Slam, but she has released her first music video, "Oxygen." It's predictably noisy, cheap, and Euro (a German or Belgian shepherd is the star of the video? So is a tennis ball?)...
NJ Troopers Under Investigation For Escorting Brandon Jacobs's 100 MPH "Death Race"
New 49ers running back Brandon Jacobs loves him some fast cars. His collection has been featured in auto magazines, and after being booed by Giants fans in October, he responded "I've got nothing positive to say. The most positive thing: I got family at home and I got a fast-ass car being delivered ...
Former NBA Big Man Matt Geiger Was "Relocated" From Tropicana Field For Interfering With Carlos Peña On A Foul Ball
On a lazy Sunday in April, Matt Geiger—journeyman center for the Miami Heat, Charlotte Hornets and Philadelphia 76ers—probably enjoys soaking in the sun and taking in a ballgame. Not necessarily at the same time, though, since he was at The Trop causing a scene and interfering with Carlos Peña on ...
Amar'e Stoudemire Returns, Knicks Flunk Chemistry
The ingredients were all there for wild and frothing beakers to report on the Knicks game last night: A Friday night. A terrible opponent. One superstar is introduced to an otherwise stable (for the Knicks, anyway) environment, with basically nothing at stake. And, of course, weeks worth of wonderi...
McCarve'd Up: Your Weekly Look At The Stupidest Things Tim McCarver Said During Saturday's Game
MLB on FOX lead analyst Tim McCarver is entering a new phase of his career: the one in which he must be referred to as "Hall of Fame broadcaster Tim McCarver." Thus, we enter the 2012 baseball season wondering if McCarver might actually step up his game and provide color commentary worthy of such a...
College Newspaper Captures Euphoria Of Historic Upset With Headline Alluding To Masturbation
Division II Francis Marion University (S.C.) knocked off defending Division I national champ South Carolina in a baseball game on April 11. FMU's student paper is a weekly, and even though the edition chronicling the big win wasn't published until this week, the upset was still enough to merit front...