cc Page 245 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
U.S. Soccer Continues To Sabotage Soccer In The U.S.
I’m like every other flag-loving USMNT fan; I liked the hiring of accomplished manager Jürgen Klinsmann, I root for our individual players when they trek overseas, and I lose my shit when the national team wins even fairly meaningless matches....
Surprise Military Reunions At NFL Games Reach Peak Bullshit
During last weekend’s preseason St. Louis Rams game, a familiar ritual played out: With a stadium full of fans and a television audience watching, Rams cheerleader Candace Ruocco Valentine was surprised by the arrival of her husband August Valentine, a Marine Corps first lieutenant, who had just ret...
Soccer Lady Has Absolutely Zero Aiming Skills, Scores Awful Own Goal
The announcer had the correct reaction to Helén Eke’s foot mysteriously turning into jelly upon contact with the ball: “Nej nej nej!” As did Eke, who attempted to tear off her ponytail, no doubt to disguise her appearance so that she could creep out of the stadium and hide under a rock for the next ...
James Rockets In Free Kick Off The Woodwork
It’s no surprise that Real Madrid is managing things just fine today against Real Betis, but this free kick goal by James Rodríguez is anything but pedestrian. ...
West Ham Fans Keep Getting Victory Tattoos
West Ham beat Liverpool 3-0 today, which means Leicester City remain in the top four. It also means that fan Jon High has a new tattoo. What follows is a story in two tweets about bold predictions, keeping your word, and how cool Manuel Lanzini’s name is....
Callum Wilson Overhead Kick Gives Bournemouth Lead On Leicester City
We noted here that AFC Bournemouth had the potential to be one of the Premiership’s most exciting clubs this season, and the Cherries haven’t let us down—with Callum Wilson’s acrobatic overhead kick putting his side up 1-0 in the first half today against Leicester City....
The ACC Sucks, But You Should Watch It Anyway
Welcome to our college football conference previews, in which we will tell you what you need to know about various conferences, with an emphasis on watchability. First up were the Pac-12, the SEC, and the Big 12. Now, the ACC....
Chicharito Had A Couple Of Brutal Misses Today
Manchester United hammered Club Brugge 4-0 in Bruges today to advance to the Champions League group stage. Wayne Rooney emphatically ended his goal drought with a hat trick, and United are assured the massive revenue from at least six more Champions League matches. Practically the only Red Devil to ...
Doug Martin Is Still Not Really Down With That Whole "Muscle Hamster" Thing
Poor Doug Martin finds himself in the unenviable position of owning a very unique nickname that everyone else seems to enjoy, but that he himself despises. Martin started his Stop Calling Me “Muscle Hamster” campaign years ago, and God bless him, he’s still going strong....
These Two Petr Čech Saves Are The Best Saves
Arsenal are hosting Liverpool today in the Premier League, and through one half, the Gunners look like complete and utter bullcrap against the visitors. It’s remarkable how many players in Arsenal’s starting XI appear to be betting against their team on the same day. And yet—and yet!— it’s still sco...
Gosh, This Is Pretty
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Bayern Munich Concede Eight Seconds Into Match
Bayern Munich is one of the world’s top soccer clubs, but the record they broke today is one they’d rather forget as Hoffenheim’s Kevin Volland scored eight seconds into the match—the fastest in Bundesliga history. ...
Reluctant Mascot Is Reluctant
We don’t blame you, kid. Nobody wants to shake a referee’s hand. ...
Kim Little Finishes Hat Trick By Making Mincemeat Of Houston Defense
Kim Little had all three goals in tonight’s Seattle win over Houston, and her final one in the 90th minute was a Messian work of art as the Scot sliced and diced a tired Dash defense....
Borussia Dortmund Go Down Three Goals, Shrug, Score Four, Win
Once-great, now-good lunchpail German side Borussia Dortmund opened up their Europa League campaign away to some team from Norway aptly named Odds BK. August NIT games don’t impress us much, especially against teams from Norway, but Odds came out and scored 13 seconds into the dang match!...
Look At This Dumb Dog That Thinks It Can Play Soccer
Newsflash, buddy: you aren’t people. And soccer’s for people, not dogs....
C.C. Sabathia Restrained From Brawl Outside Nightclub
The Yankees were in Toronto last weekend for a three-game set against the Blue Jays, which presented players with ample opportunity to enjoy the Toronto nightlife. Unfortunately for pitcher C.C. Sabathia, one night out almost ended in him getting caught up in a street brawl....
San José Opens Supercopa Scoring With Strike From Midfield
Athletic Bilbao took a surprising 1-0 lead on Barcelona in today’s first leg of the Spanish Supercopa with San José catching Marc-Andre ter Stegen off his line after an attempted clearance and launching a strike from inside the center circle....
The Packers Have A New Play-Caller
Preseason wins and losses don’t matter, but preseason games do. It’s a chance for players to get realtime experience with new systems and new coaches, and for a chance for coaches to get used to their new roles. Usually, the biggest changes happen on bad teams that have cleaned house, not teams that...
Costa Rica Manager Resigns After Brawling With Security Guard At Match
As expected, Costa Rica national team manager Paulo Wanchope resigned today, one day after he got into a videotaped brawl with a security guard at an Olympic qualifier. According to the Tico Times, Wanchope remorsefully said “We’re all human and sometimes we can lose our senses, and yesterday I lost...