cc Page 314 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Worst Coaching Staff Ever Stole Playbooks, Vandalized Own School
Last week, an assistant coach at a Tennessee high school was arrested after it emerged that he had vandalized his own fieldhouse in an attempt to fire up his team before the big game. He's not the only Keystone Kop on staff. Three assistants were apparently involved with the vandalism, and one is ac...

Hear The Insane Portuguese Call Of Cristiano Ronaldo's Hat Trick
Almost singlehandedly, Ronaldo put Portugal through to the World Cup yesterday, scoring thrice against Sweden. Here's how it sounded on Portuguese radio, as called by the delirious and grateful Nuno Matos....

Croatian Player And Fans Celebrate World Cup Berth With Pro-Nazi Chant
This is video of Australian-born Croatia defender Joe Šimunić leading fans in a chant after Croatia beat Iceland to qualify for the world cup. "For the homeland," Šimunić calls, and the crowd responds, "Ready!" But it's more complicated than that....

France Need A Miracle To Make The World Cup
France most likely will not qualify for the 2014 Brazil World Cup....

An Effortless Goal (Except For All The Running)
Somália, of ABC Futebol Clube in Brazil's Serie B, scored this (mostly) effortless goal Saturday in a 4-1 victory over Agremiação Sportiva Arapiraquense. He ran three quarters of the pitch and just sort of flicked a laser into the back of the net without ever really breaking stride. Filthy....

"Oh My God, He's Attacked Somebody!" Rob Ford Goes On Rampage
Toronto's City Council is meeting today to attempt a continued removal of mayor Rob Ford's powers, and it seems the plump crack pipe smoker isn't having any of it. We're not sure what led him to confront councillor Pam McConnell this way, but can you really say you never expected a CBC News anchor ...

CBS Broadcast Shows Fan Falling From Upper Deck At Ralph Wilson Stadium
Two people were hurt when a man fell from the third deck of Ralph Wilson Stadium during today's Jets-Bills game, and CBS's camera caught the incident while most viewers were away at commercial....

I Can't Stop Looking At This Absolutely Vicious Free Kick
This is just filthy. Uruguay's Edinson Cavani freezes the entire nation of Jordan on this marvelous free kick. Uruguay won the first leg of its World Cup qualifying playoff with Jordan 5-0, but this is the only goal anyone ever needs....

Andrew McCutchen Is An MVP (And The Pirates Are No Longer Jagoffs)
Andrew McCutchen was just named the MVP of the National League. And after two decades as a sad punchline, the Pittsburgh Pirates were a playoff team. The Buccos' immediate future looks promising, in no small part because they made sure to lock McCutchen into a long-term contract just as his star beg...

The Portugal-Sweden World Cup Playoff Will Be A Beautiful Tragedy
Two-legged playoffs to decide the final spots for the 2014 World Cup are being played this week and next. We've already seen Uruguay and Mexico more or less punch their tickets with mollywhoppings of, respectively, Jordan and New Zealand. Friday's European playoff matchups will undoubtedly be much m...
![Alleged Drunk Driver Seriously Injures Voice Of Marquette Basketball [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/196crg3c7nav4jpg.jpg)
Alleged Drunk Driver Seriously Injures Voice Of Marquette Basketball [Updated]
Steve "The Homer" True, a Milwaukee sports-talk personality and the longtime radio voice of Marquette basketball, sustained a serious head injury yesterday morning when the car he was driving was struck by an alleged drunk driver. As of last night, according to TV station WISN, True was listed in cr...

Mexico Just Destroyed New Zealand. New Zealand Sucked So Much.
Mexico passed through them. They used long through balls, practically jamming it down the All Whites' throats. They dominated on set pieces. They defended with almost profound ease. They tripled their opponents' possession. And barring one the most unbelievable comebacks in the history of sports, Me...

Untied Shoelace Leads To Two Great Displays Of Soccer Sportsmanship
After collecting the ball during a match last week in the Saudi Arabian league last week, Al-Nahda goalkeeper Tisir Al-Antaif found his shoelace undone. With his big Hamburger Helper gloves, he couldn't re-tie it himself. So Al-Ittihad's Brazilian striker Jobson bent down to do it for him....

NFL Logos As European Soccer Badges
The best thing on the internet right now is Football as Football, a site that redesigns NFL logos as if they were crests for European soccer teams....

Mexico Are Definitely Going To The World Cup. Right?
For a few minutes, anyway, Mexico looked to be out of the World Cup. Last month, they lost away to Costa Rica on the final day of World Cup Qualifying, and Panama scored a late goal to take a 2-1 lead over the United States. If scores held, Panama would have moved on to a World Cup playoff. It didn'...

Greg Schiano Was Almost Psyched Out By A Jumbotron
Donald Penn's score in Monday's Dolphins-Bucs game was an awesome fat guy touchdown, but it almost didn't happen. Why? Because Greg Schiano was paranoid of the Jumbotron at Raymond James Stadium....
![Translated Neymar Interviews Are A Gift [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1965ci7b7bjapjpg.jpg)
Translated Neymar Interviews Are A Gift [Updated]
Barcelona forward Neymar's play has people calling him a genius, but if recent interviews are any indication, we may have been selling the guy short by limiting that descriptor to his athletic ability....

Florida Ruined The NFL
Burn Florida. Sterilize the entire state of its NFL teams as you would an MRSA contamination. Float it into the Gulf, Bugs Bunny-style. Send the NFL to Los Angeles or London or Lucknow, anywhere but the Sunshine State—professional football cannot thrive on its saline soils. After an ugly, addled Mon...

Here's A Poem By Rashad McCants You Might Enjoy
We received this from reader Jake, as part of our call for responses you've received from writing to athletes. (Keep sending those in, by the way.) It doesn't quite fit, so I still wanted to share it with you. ...
