chris Page 145 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Usage Note: "It's The Dallas Football Cowboys," Says Jason Stupid Garrett
We already flagged the absurdity of Dallas Cowboys coach Jason Garrett's announcement that this year's rookies will have to earn the right to wear the logo of a team that's hasn't won anything since those rookies were in the Pop Warner Tiny-Mite division. Go ahead, treat the Cowboy star as a rah-rah...
Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb
Your morning roundup for July 30, the day we're provided with living proof that 32-year-old women are, in fact, into 83-year-old men. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Chris And Carmelo's Excellent Chinese Adventure Continues With Interpretive Masked Opera Dance
Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony and Dwyane Wade are all on board for this year's week-long Jordan Brand Flight Tour in China, during which the players will "introduce China specific editions of [Nike's] signature products that takes inspiration from the Chinese culture as well as the athlete's style o...
Chris Kluwe Responds: Can I Kick It? (Yes, I Can)
Dear Nate Jackson,...
Alonzo Mourning Sued For Hit-And-Run Incident Following Chris Bosh's Wedding
In the hours before dawn on Sunday, Mourning smashed his Porsche into a disabled car on a Miami Beach causeway, sending it rolling. Mourning got out of his car, went to check on the victim (he was not seriously injured) and drove home, where he called police and later returned to the scene in his wi...
Dear Chris Kluwe: When We Want The Punter's Opinion, We'll Ask For It (We Won't)
Chris Kluwe should know better....
Yeah, Sure, Chris Dudley Is Totally An NBA Legend
Well, he did play 16 seasons for five teams, averaging 3.9 points and 6.2 rebounds per game. He also narrowly lost last year's campaign for governor of Oregon. Naturally, he's identified as an NBA Legend in this diabetes PSA. Because that's what he is....
Shaq Passes First Analyst Test By Dissing Chris Bosh On Air
On NBA TV today: "The Miami Heat, they've got a lot of great players, the 'Big 2.' They will be back." Yeah, he and Chuck will get along just fine. [Miami Heat Index]...
In Honor Of Chris Osgood's Retirement, Here's A Video Of Him Beating Up Patrick Roy In 1998
Osgood retired today, after 17 years in the NHL and three Stanley cups. Goodbye, sir. We'll always have that stupid helmet....
Amidst Lockout, NBA Players, Executives Awkwardly Ask Each Other To Dance
Remember how when Yao Ming retired after nine years in Houston, they weren't allowed to call him or release a comment? One of the side effects of the lockout is that players can't have any contact with their teams, so we were forced to imagine Yao sitting at home, staring at the phone, not understan...
"Goodnight And Good Luck": Kevin-Costner-Owned Minor League Team's Announcer Quits On Air
Last week we brought you the peculiar odyssey of the Lake County Fielders, a minor league baseball club in Zion, Ill., owned in part by Kevin Costner. The Fielders' manager — former Blue Jays skipper Tim Johnson — resigned over team-wide pay disputes, many of its players refused to play, and the o...
Chris Kluwe's 'Downfall' Parody Has Hitler Calling Lockout Negotiators "Lazy Shitfucks"
Downfall parodies seem like they're somehow older than the internet by now. But when one is made by an actual NFL player, we're willing to listen. And Vikings punter Chris Kluwe does a pretty good job of capturing what we're all feeling about the lockout these days....
A Half-Assed Statistical Analysis Of The Half-Assed Home Run Derby's Half-Assed Announcing
Chris Berman said the word "BACK" 78 times last night, 66 of which were in reference to home runs. That's about .62 "BACK"s per homer, a figure we assume is much lower than in previous years. Here's a breakdown of each player's traditional and Berman statistics (distance data from MLB.com):...
Your Home Run Derby Open Thread/Chris Berman Liveblog
Here's your Home Run Derby open thread. I will be live-blogging Chris Berman. And give us your best Berman nickname for a prize....
The Fan Who Caught Jeter's Ball Still Has A Few Hundred Thousand Dollars In Student Loan Debt
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Christian Lopez probably should have taken an econ class....
End The NBA Lockout, Before Desmond Mason Films This Shitty Movie
I know he's not technically an active player anymore, but still - he might try to work out for a 10-day-contract instead of this....
Concussed Cyclist Doesn't Remember Finishing Yesterday's Stage Of The Tour De France
Your morning roundup for July 9, the day Detroit teaches us to respect the crackheads who walk among us....
"A Good Deed Never Goes Unpunished, You Know?": Meet The Innovator Who Helped Orchestrate <em>The Decision</em>
There's another important American anniversary to celebrate this week, and one that we should all be congratulated for enduring together: a year ago this Friday, July 8, LeBron James settled into a director's chair at a Greenwich Boys & Girls Club and told Jim Gray about biting his fingernails. He a...
This Is The Most T.O. Thing You've Ever Done
When the season is actually delayed, we'll hate the NFL lockout for that. But for now we're just pissed at Goodell and/or De Smith that there's no football news out there. Summers suck for sports, and NFL draft/free agency/holdouts/training camp talk are an entire second season that we're lacking. W...
Dick Enberg Tells A Story About "Bloody Blue Balls" In Wimbledon Booth Exchange For The Ages
At 78 years old and after 28 years on the job, Dick Enberg is calling his final matches from Wimbledon this year. He'll wrap up his ESPN tennis contract at the US Open in a few months, and then he'll go home to San Diego to call games for the Padres. We're afraid that Enberg might not have the opp...