culture Page 52 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Notorious Punter
Todd Sauerbrun has always made a little too much news for a punter. It started when the Bears made him a second-round draft pick, which was a totally good idea, really. Then he was accused of taking steroids prescribed by Panthers team doctors. Then he was involved in some hot punter-on-punter tr...
Tyrone Calico: Parking Novice
Any teenage boy could tell you the importance of parking. When your parents won't leave the house and you can't afford a hotel, the only place you can make out with girls is in your car. There are some key rules, though:...
Spurs Fans Can't Even Rap Right
It seems only fitting that the San Antonio Spurs — who always seem like the least NBA-like team in the NBA, which is probably why they're always winning — would have fans who are overly earnest, kinda dopey and completely lacking any funk whatsoever. Witness this rap song/video called "To The Ban...
Boobs. Is There Anything Else Newsworthy?
You didn't think we'd ignore this all day, did you? The New York Post features a sports column today from the only person who knows less about the NBA than Peter Vescey: Anna Benson! The wife of overpaid Mets righthander Kris Benson penned the first of what will hopefully be millions of NY Post d...
Bo Bice: The New Reggie Miller
Those looking for next "clutch" player to replace Reggie "Never Won A Title But Am Somehow Considered The Best Crunch Time Guy Ever" Miller should turn their eyes away from the court and toward lousy FOX reality television, says Flak's Bob Cook in his weekly "Bring Out The Sports!" column. (We re...
Somewhere, Mark Cuban Is Smiling
Charges Dropped Against Hockey Owner Who Punched Referee [Danbury News-Times]...
Put That Coffee DOWN
As Sinead O'Connor once said: "Fight the real enemy." In this case, the World Anti-Doping Agency says that enemy is coffee. The agency head, the unfortunately named Dick Pound, says the agency is considering putting caffeine on the banned substances list. Apparently the Australian Institute of Sport...
"I'm Having Dreams About Grant Wistrom"
One of our favorite mailing lists is the NFLwives club Yahoo Group. A recent discussion concerning which white football players would be willing to date black women (don't ask) yielded this tidbit from a poster named "first_chose":...
Congressional Steroids Diary: My God, There's More Hearing Tomorrow
1:28 p.m.: Sonny Bono s widow is telling Donald Fehr a story about a high school student she knows who was so strong that he pulled his finger off while swinging a bat. That actually just occurred, right? Might have been a mass hallucination....
Congressional Steroids Diary: Limping, Bleeding Into The Afternoon
11:26 a.m.: Say what you will about the guy, but Don Fehr is no wuss. He just went through each point of the proposed anti-steroid bill and trashed pretty much all of them. Fortunately, he was followed by the commissioner of a league that doesn t really exist right now, so no one will remember....
Congressional Steroids Diary: The First Hour
10:10 a.m.: Representative Cliff Stearns (R-Fla.) says that sports values performance more than character. No!...
Congress Notices Nose on Face And The Sky (Occassionally)
Ha. We can't believe we missed this. In addition to the five "major" sport commissioners and various labor heads testifying before Congress, the Greatest Legislators and Orators of Our Time has also called ... Washington Wizards guard Juan Dixon....
Pujols Resists Temptation To Kill Fan
Here's a perfect example of how powerful ESPN is. Last night, Albert Pujols, while chasing a foul ball down the first base line, was grasped by a drunken Philadelphia fan in the front row. Pujols kept his cool, glowering at and lecturing the man before giving the ball to a kid next to him, becaus...
Exercises In Immolation
We're going to try something today that pretty much proves definitively that we don't like ourselves very much. At 10 a.m., Congress is having yet another Session On Steroids. Instead of just baseball being under the hot lights of elderly Southern men's inquiries, the commissioners of all five "m...
Romanowski Admits To 'Roiding: Earth Shakes
It has come to this: People are admitting to taking steroids in order to promote a movie. Bill Romanowski, in an interview with The Rocky Mountain News, shocks absolutely no one by confessing to using steroids. His quote: "It wasn't about illegal. I was doing things that they couldn't test for. As s...
"We Went To The Super Bowl. Uh, Flip Card. Daunte Speaks Next."
We know you're watching the George Lopez Show anyway, so we shouldn't need to tell you this, but if you're in the mood for pained line readings and rapidly declining hairlines, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb and Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper are guest starring on the season (though, sadly,...
Is Barry Zito Gay?
Our friends at OutSports.com have posted a cartoon about media reaction to gay athletes, asking whether or not A's lefthander Barry Zito is gay. Of all the homophobia that's rampant in sports, we've always wondered what A's general manager Billy Beane thinks about it all. After all, he shares the sa...
Bud Selig Is JACKED UP!
We can't quite break with the new windmill-tilting conventional wisdom that Bud Selig is secretly a great commissioner. He still seems more like Jack Lemmon's Shelly "the Machine" Levine to us; a sad old salesman who has himself in over his head. But he's starting to get some good press — finally — ...
Rex Chapman's Jungle Fever
Rex Chapman was always one of our favorite NBA players. The guy couldn't play defense, couldn't pass and was, sadly, too white to disguise rapid baldness with a shaved head. But he could shoot, and basketball is always more fun when people can shoot. And now, thanks to a set of recent of interviews,...