d Page 2425 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Happy Trails To Lazar Marković, A Hero To Underachievers Everywhere
Lazar Marković is not a good soccer player. It would even be fair to describe him as an actively bad one, at least relative to the level expected of players at the clubs that have paid him a sizable salary to do anything but play soccer for them these past few years. And yet, until today, Marković h...
Tyreke Evans Kicked Out Of NBA For Drug Policy Violation
This afternoon, the NBA announced that Pacers guard and former rookie of the year Tyreke Evans has been “dismissed and disqualified from the league for violating the terms of the NBA/NBPA Anti-Drug Program.” The league said he will be eligible to apply for reinstatement in two years....
Introducing The Steph Curry Seth Curry Power Rankings
Two games into the Western Conference Finals, it’s time to unveil the Steph Curry Seth Curry Power Rankings. The Warriors beat the Blazers 114-111 on Thursday night, and both Currys played hard. Seth stole the ball from his big brother four times and added 16 points. Steph had 37-8-8. ...
Santi Cazorla Completes His Resurrection By Earning A Spanish National Team Spot
The last time Santi Cazorla played for the Spanish national team, Donald Trump wasn’t President, Vine still existed, and Real Madrid only had one Champions League this decade. The date was November 14, 2015, and Cazorla had scored against England in a 2-0 friendly win. The wheels almost literally fe...
A Look Back At Kegasus, The Bizarre And Boozy Preakness Mascot
Nobody gives a damn about the 2019 Preakness Stakes....
Poor Sage Northcutt Gets Knocked Out 30 Seconds Into Minor League MMA Debut
Sage Northcutt—a composite of every person who appeared in Point Break—resurfaced in Singapore today, six months after he was unceremoniously released by the UFC while riding a three-fight winning streak. Northcutt had been aggressively promoted and marketed by the promotion, but it elected not to s...
Tony La Russa Says Farewell To His Dear Friend Grumpy Cat
Grumpy Cat, the cat that went viral for looking grumpy, has died at the age of seven. The apparent cause of death was a urinary tract infection. We now turn our attention to former baseball manager Tony La Russa to see how he’s handling the news:...
Minor League Baseball Announcer Calls His Own Sweet Catch: "I Am Very Proud Of Myself!"
In a minor league game between the Somerset Patriots and the High Point Rockers Wednesday night, a foul ball was spun back into the crowd, in the direction of the open window of Patriots broadcaster Marc Schwartz. Schwartz, who appears to be very good at his job while possessing the reflexes of a ca...
The NFL Concussion Settlement Just Keeps Getting Worse And Worse
In what plaintiffs’ attorneys view as a total disaster, the federal judge overseeing the NFL concussion settlement on Thursday denied a motion to reconsider rules changes for physicians she had approved last month. Those changes, as noted earlier, stand to make it even more difficult for players to ...
Let's Remember Some Guys: Topps Apparently Made <i>American Gladiators</i> Cards
Of the, let’s say, three jokes that I make during the pre-credit portions of Let’s Remember Some Guys episodes, the one that I like best involves hinting that the episodes are filmed either in my actual home or in the shared pastel dormitory in which all Deadspin employees live and blog. It’s not a ...
Idiot Portsmouth Fan Arrested For Hitting Sunderland Player Who Fell Into The Stands
In the lower levels of English soccer, fans often are nasty, brutish, and short-tempered. We saw evidence of this in March when an idiot stormed the field mid-game to sucker-punch a player, and we saw even more yesterday, when a Portsmouth fan punched and kicked Sunderland’s Luke O’Nien after the pl...
Massimiliano Allegri And Juventus Are Breaking Up
After five wildly successful years, Juventus released a statement today saying that the club and manager Massimiliano Allegri would be parting ways at the end of this season....
Andre Iguodala's Hands Are Still Crazy
I’m not saying it’s a good thing that one of the top five basketball players in the world isn’t healthy enough to play in the Western Conference Finals, but without Kevin Durant (or DeMarcus Cousins, to a lesser extent), the Golden State Warriors lose a lot of the baggage they’ve picked up as the vi...
Well, At Least David Backes Is In A Cup Final
I’m sitting here trying to come up with a reason it’s not a total bummer that the vile Boston Bruins are in their third Stanley Cup Final of the decade after a 4-0 win to complete a sweep of Carolina, and, reader, I am struggling. (This applies to non-Bruins fans only, of course. For Bruins fans: Co...
Padres' Ian Kinsler Appears To Celebrate Dinger By Yelling "Fuck All You" At The Home Crowd
Ian Kinsler hit a three-run dinger in the sixth inning Thursday night to put his Padres up a run, 4–3, over the visiting Pittsburgh Pirates. That’s good, dingers are cool, who among us doesn’t get pumped and jacked by a mighty dinger? Do you want to get pumped and jacked? Feast your eyes on this suc...
Trail Blazers Solve Many Of Game 1's Problems, Still Narrowly Fall To The Warriors
The Portland Trail Blazers made a real contest out of Game 2 of their Western Conference Finals series against the Golden State Warriors. After getting blown out in Game 1, head coach Terry Stots rejiggered his lineups and—thank God—his defensive approach, and the result was a 15-point halftime lead...
Big Sleepy Boy Mike Francesa Conks Out On The Air Yet Again
My friends, it has happened again. For at least the third time, reluctant sports grouch Mike Francesa dozed off on the air. There are two ways you can be sure this is Francesa conking out: first, look at him, the microphone pushes his glasses an inch up his face before a hypnic jerk yanks him back t...
What The Fuck Are The Orioles Even Trying To Do Here?
The Orioles are putting MLB on notice with a new standard of uselessness never before seen at this level of the sport. The latest example came on Thursday against Cleveland when they put together one of the worst plays in baseball history. Everything about it was wrong in a way I’ve never seen base...
Former WWE Wrestler Ashley Massaro Dead At 39
WWE announced Thursday evening the death of former WWE performer Ashley Massaro, who wrestled for the company for three years after winning a 2005 “Raw Diva Search.” Massaro competed for the WWE Women’s Championship at Wrestlemania 23 back in 2007, and recently appeared to be gearing up for a return...
This British Lad's Body Art Is Quickly Becoming A Chronicle Of Failed Soccer Predictions
Meet Jamie. He’s a Leeds United supporter who was proper chuffed when his beloved club made it to the English Championship playoff semifinal, and was likely chuffed even further after they took a 1-0 lead against Derby County in the first leg. Jamie was so excited, in fact, that he decided to preemp...