What The Fuck Are The Orioles Even Trying To Do Here?

The Orioles are putting MLB on notice with a new standard of uselessness never before seen at this level of the sport. The latest example came on Thursday against Cleveland when they put together one of the worst plays in baseball history. Everything about it was wrong in a way I’ve never seen baseball be wrong before.

In the bottom of the seventh with the bases loaded, Jason Kipnis hit a chopper to Baltimore second baseman Hanser Alberto, who tried to tag out Francisco Lindor. Alberto never made contact with Lindor but decided to throw the ball to first anyways. The ball arrived in Chris Davis’s glove too late, and Kipnis was safe. By this point, not only had Jordan Luplow scored from third, but Lindor was well on his way to safely reaching second. In the hopes of getting someone out, Davis threw to home seeing that Leonys Martin—who started this play on second—was rounding third, but the throw was too late and Martin slid home safely.

So, instead of getting the easy double play that would have ended the inning, the Orioles allowed two runs on a hit ball that never left the infield with the bases loaded. Behold the putrid spectacle in all of its glory.

This play was scored as a “fielder’s choice,” but that phrase gives way too much credit to the efforts of Alberto and Davis. Fielder’s diarrhea, fielder’s bloody discharge or fielder’s projectile vomiting would all have been much more appropriate.