d Page 5879 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Shane Battier Announces He's Joining The Heat Via Jimmy Buffett Quote
If you were looking for a fresh reason to hate on the Miami Heat this year, Shane Battier's come through for you. The Grizzlies forward announced on Twitter this morning that he's joining the Heat. Somehow, a Jimmy Buffett reference made it into the mix. That alone almost makes this more damning tha...

Report: Albert Pujols To Sign With The Angels
Tim Brown of Yahoo appears to have had it first, as you can see above, but Buster Olney's sources are telling him the same thing. Bob Nightengale of USA Today says it's for 10 years and $250 million. Somebody check on Leitch to make sure he's OK. [Yahoo]...

Drew Brees Loves Dome, ESPN Informs
Your morning roundup for Dec. 8, the day we learned Ryan Seacrest is a hot commodity. Photo via Thomas W. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Deadspin Up All Night: Speak When Spoken To
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Get your release and lessen your load....

Every "Tebow" Uttered On ESPN's "TebowCenter" Today
In what was either a rare act of self-awareness or a complete lack thereof on behalf of the Worldwide Leader, ESPN dedicated an entire hour of SportsCenter today to Tim Tebow, managing to mention the Denver quarterback's name no fewer than 88 times in the process—all of which were painstakingly ed...

Ken Rosenthal Throws Himself Against The Wall
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day. Photo via @joecapMARLINS. This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!...

Ricky Rubio Can't Believe How Much Basketball These Crazy Americans Play
Ricky's finally set to play NBA ball, but there's a learning curve here in Amurrica: "Yesterday I was looking at the schedule and putting in my iPad, and I was saying 16, 17, 18," he joked with reporters today. "I mean, three games in a row? What the hell?" Also news for Rubio: It snows in Minnesota...

Sidney Crosby Has To Miss Two Games Because Of This Hit
He's been back for just eight games since he ended his 10-month absence because of a concussion, but Sidney Crosby won't play tomorrow in Philly or Saturday at the Islanders, the Penguins have announced....

Former Dolphin Says Nick Saban Calmly Stepped Over Convulsing Teammate In '05
We'll make this one brief, because if it is true, than it is stale by about six years—but we do jump at any opportunity to point out instances in which Nick Saban might have behaved like a dick, and this anecdote certainly qualifies....

Nick Saban Was Irrational For Not Being <em>More</em> Selfish
My favorite family legend involves my dad's baby sister—my "Тетка," in Macedonian—Bonnie. As the story goes, Bonnie's first-grade class organized a Brownie troop, and their first act was to elect a troop leader. When they counted the votes, Bonnie was the only girl who hadn't voted for herself. Upse...

Jerry Jones Gives Jason Garrett The Dreaded Vote Of Confidence
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: So...Garrett's probably doomed....

Somebody In Denver Got This Awful "Tebow Time" Centaur Tattoo On His Thigh
And the dude who did came into a tattoo parlor with that rendering and actually asked to have it done. Afterward, even the artist who put it there felt compelled to ask the man if he had lost a bet. He hadn't. [Larry Brown Sports]...

Offshore Yacht Racing Can Get Really Goddamn Expensive
The Puma Mar Mostro had her mast snapped on the first leg of the Volvo Ocean Race (which, if you're unfamiliar with yacht racing, makes the America's Cup look like a Boy Scout portage), and the crew wound up on a barely inhabited southern island roughly equidistant from South Africa and South Americ...

Not Even Degenerate Gamblers Care About Monday's Horrible Rams/Seahawks Game
According to Bodog's Sportsbook Manager, this week's Monday Night Football game is shaping up to see a historical lack of action. Says Richard Gardner, "with Bradford and Feeley both being questionable, and the fact that the game is on the West Coast this game is pacing to be the lowest bet Monday N...

Orlando Reporter Asks Resigning Magic CEO If He Really Said That Thing I Made Up
This morning the Magic held a hastily arranged press conference to announce the retirement of CEO Bob Vander Weide after nearly 20 years with the club. Team officials maintained that the move had been planned for months, and had nothing to do with a 1 a.m. phone call Vander Weide made to Dwight Ho...

Erick Dampier Is Literally A Textbook Example Of Irrational Behavior
In general, I don't give Erick Dampier much thought, and I'm guessing neither do you. He is far from an NBA superstar, and if he's at all memorable, it's only for having once been memorably overpaid....

A New Study Ranks The Penn State Football Team No. 1 In Academic Performance
The New America Foundation unveiled its annual Academic Bowl Championship Series results today, and the great program in Happy Valley topped the list, followed by Boise State, TCU, and Stanford....

The NFL Is McDonald's, <em>Cats</em>, And U.S. Steel
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

Jerry Sandusky Re-Arrested On Additional Charges That He Performed Oral, Anal Sex On Pre-Teen Boys
Jerry Sandusky was re-arrested on 12 additional charges of sexual abuse today. He was reportedly dressed in a Penn State track suit at the time of his arrest in State College. While "at least" five more people have come forward with allegations against the former football assistant since the origina...

Trade You My Hair Dryer For Your HDTV: The Best And Worst Of The 2011 College Bowl Swag
SBJ has compiled a complete list of this year's college bowl swag, and the good people at ChatSports have grouped them according to swag worth. There are TVs and tablets and digital cameras and even a hair dryer, but there's only one clear steal here: that $15 Chick-fil-A gift card. That's, like, si...