da Page 594 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Thanks For The Memories, Chris Berman
By all accounts, tonight is Chris Berman’s final Monday Night Countdown. We’re sending him off the only way we know how....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em><em></em>
Deadspin’s Christmas Day tradition returns. It is time to sound the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. Below are the strangest, most awkwardly shaped, and least pleasant objects that America has shoved into its various holes. God bless us, eve...
Kicker Sparks Sideline Fight
The Dolphins and Bills brawled a bit late in today’s game in Buffalo, and it’s all Dan Carpenter’s fault—as the Bills kicker taunted the Miami returner after forcing him out of bounds, and havoc briefly reigned....
Rambunctious Panda Knows What Snow For
“Wahhhhhhh,” screams the coddled and pathetic human race. “It’s finally starting to get cold and soon there will be snoooowwwww. When will summer return??”...
"It Hit My Ass": Jaromir Jagr Is The NHL's Second All-Time Leading Scorer
Earlier this month, the Penguins commemorated the 25th anniversary of their back-to-back Stanley Cups, and most of the players from those teams were on hand in Pittsburgh to celebrate. Not Jaromir Jagr. He had a game that night....
Holy Hell Connor McDavid Is Fast
Q: How do you defend Connor McDavid one-on-one?...
Michael Bennett Turned His Penalized Sack Dance Into A Christmas Sweater
Seahawks defensive end Michael Bennett has been known to unleash an homage to Ravishing Rick Rude after recording a sack, and he hit the Rams with a particularly saucy one after sacking Jared Goff last Thursday. Bennett was penalized for the dance, but that didn’t stop him from commemorating it with...
Good News—Your Job Is Closed On Christmas
I just walked by a grocery store with a sign in the window saying they would be open until 6:30 p.m. on Christmas. Funny joke! If you’re an employee there, you should know that’s wrong—everything is closed on Christmas. ...
Jim Harbaugh Got A New Big-Boy Glove And He Loves It
Christmas has come early for Michigan’s prized son, Jim Harbaugh....
Iowa Refuses To Shake Hands After North Dakota, Down By 11, Tries Buzzer-Beater
With the Hawkeyes up by 11 with three seconds to play, there was no question about who was going to win tonight’s game between Iowa and North Dakota. But North Dakota’s Corey Baldwin stole the ball and Drick Bernstine tried to beat the buzzer with a little jumper anyway*, and Iowa coach Fran McCaffe...
Thank God, <i>Rogue One</i> Made Darth Vader A Proper Villain Again
Rogue One: A Star Wars Movie is a very good blockbuster—does it provide an apt commentary on the modern state of warfare or secure every loose end George Lucas left untethered in his two runs at the helm? No. The plot is fine, I cared about the characters I was supposed to care about, the robot is G...
Jordan Reed Ejected After Punching Helmeted Opponent
Jordan Reed was already injured and useless, but the Washington tight end made himself even useless-er by getting ejected at the end of the third quarter tonight against Carolina with that smartest of smart football plays: punching an opponent in the football helmet....
Trump Nominates Florida Panthers Owner As Secretary Of The Army
President-elect Donald Trump announced today that he intends to nominate billionaire Florida Panthers owner and army veteran Vincent Viola as the Secretary of the Army, a non-cabinet level position. The Panthers said Viola’s appointment will not change anything about the team’s day-to-day operations...
Why Does Triathlon Have Such A Clean Image?
It is almost impossible to believe that cycling, track and field, and swimming aren’t rife with doping. A large swath of top cyclists have tested positive for PEDs or admitted doping; track and field had state-sponsored doping programs in Eastern Germany, China, and Russia, along with hundreds of ot...
David Irving Beat The Bucs All By Himself
We’ll talk about how Cowboys defensive tackle David Irving took over last night’s game and ate the Buccaneers’ offense whole, but first I just want you to spend some time admiring his work in the GIF above....
Ezekiel Elliott Jumps Into Salvation Army Kettle
That is not a tax-deductible donation....
Kenta Maeda Pretends To Be Old Man, Strikes Out Hapless Child
With his first season with the Dodgers under his belt, pitcher Kenta Maeda returned to his native Japan this winter to do charity work in Hiroshima and visit Disneyland Tokyo. Maeda also disguised himself as an old man and clumsily fielded ground balls before he ruthlessly struck out a child on a ga...
Florida Finds Title IX Official Had Conflict Of Interest; Won't Say How, Why<em></em>
The University of Florida released its investigative report today into a fired Title IX official, Chris Loschiavo, who was last known for being removed from the Antonio Callaway student-conduct case and replaced by a lawyer and football booster (who found him not responsible for sexual assault). The...
The Cardinals Are Garbage, But David Johnson May Be The Best Player In The NFL<em></em>
The Arizona Cardinals are jammed deep in a trashcan this season, but it’s still worth sifting through all that muck to take a closer look at running back David Johnson. Amidst all the other crap, Johnson is somehow having an MVP-caliber season....