dick Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
MLB To Horny Players: Please Use The Good Dick Pills, Not The Bad Ones
Baseball players are too damn horny. So says MLB, which had to send out a memo to its players on Monday telling them to stop using over-the-counter “sexual-enhancement pills.” The risk, beyond engorged wooden bats, is that these pills have substances in them that might get flagged on a drug test....
Orioles' Chance Sisco Capped Off A Bad Inning With A Foul Tip To The Dick And Balls
A wise person online once said, “Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.” Such a quote can also be applied to the Baltimore Orioles this season. As a whole, the team has been a special kind of terrible that few people have ever seen before in their lives. Yet at ...
The Team USA Rejections Are Getting Grim
The FIBA World Cup has only drawn closer since Monday, and Team USA’s prospects have only gotten drearier. The players’ excuses are starting to increasingly resemble ones that might be used to beg out of a coworker’s birthday party....
Dick Vitale Breaks Huge NBA Trade, Walks It Back, Probably Misread A Tweet
This afternoon, ESPN basketball broadcaster Dick Vitale praised the New Orleans Pelicans for flipping the fourth pick in the NBA Draft for Indiana Pacers center Myles Turner. The alleged trade also somehow involved the Atlanta Hawks, who have the 10th pick....
The Raptors' Defense Was Outrageous In The Clutch
The Sixers hit their last field goal in the half-court—a long, and-one leaner by J.J. Redick—with 3:29 remaining in Game 7. Then the Raptors put the clamps on. Philly would only even hit the rim one more time, off a heroic Jimmy Butler transition play. As stagnant and deferential as the Raptors have...
Josh Reddick Rips A Go-Ahead Three-Run Jack Back From The Land Of Dingers
This insane Josh Reddick catch may not have quite the stakes of Jackie Bradley Jr.’s latest ridiculous highlight, but there was plenty on the line, and anyway the catch is molto buono, my friends. Molto, molto buono. You can’t see this, but I am doing the chef’s kiss as I watch it:...
Ben Simmons Gets Away With Elbowing Kyle Lowry In The Dick And Balls
This is some dirty stuff right here. In the second quarter of Thursday night’s Game 3 in the 76ers-Raptors series, Kyle Lowry boxed out Ben Simmons on the defensive glass, and Simmons toppled to the floor along the baseline. With Lowry teetering over him, Simmons threw an angry elbow directly to Low...
The Nets Didn't Have A Plan For J.J. Redick, So He Ripped Them Apart
Only a few NBA players qualify as “unguardable.” It’s a weird category: Being unguardable isn’t the same thing as being quantitatively better than everybody else. James Harden, the best scorer in the NBA, almost certainly will bust your ass no matter how you play him, but there’s at least a theory f...
Sharks' Logan Couture Is Thankful He Didn't Lose A Testicle When A Hockey Puck Hit Him In The Dick And Balls
Down 4-3 in the second period, the San Jose Sharks had an opportunity to tie up the game when they were awarded a power play. But as the countdown clock for the penalty reached its final 30 seconds, it was Vegas that would end up with the goal-scoring opportunity. Reilly Smith passed the puck from t...
Universe Rewards Home Plate Umpire For Defending His Crew Mate By Directing A Fastball Into His Junk
This delightful baseball sequence begins with Cardinals third baseman Matt Carpenter leading off the top of the 11th inning against Pirates hurler Steven Brault. With the count at 2–2, Brault threw a breaking pitch down and away, and Carpenter appeared to check his swing. Third base umpire Jordan Ba...
The Time Dave McKenna Saw The Biggest Dick In The Baseball Hall Of Fame
Our beloved colleague Dave McKenna tells good stories. He’s done a lot of cool shit, met many weird people in weird ways, and had his run-ins with the law. And after selfishly squirreling all his stories away in Slack and our brains for years, we’ve realized we have a societal obligation to share....
Pete Alonso Does His Best Troy Polamalu Impression On An Unsuspecting Josh Reddick
Red Sox manager Alex Cora called Mets first baseman Pete Alonso “probably the best hitter in Florida right now” after the two teams faced off on Saturday. Two days later, Alonso took an unconventional route to show that Cora’s words rang true....
Nick Foles And His Dong Are Now Free To Go Elsewhere
Eagles general manager Howie Roseman made no attempt to yank anyone’s chain during his presser today at the NFL combine in Indianapolis: Nick Foles will not be given the franchise tag, which means Nick Foles and his reportedly gigantic hog will hit free agency. There was nothing soft about Foles’s s...
Andy Murray Shares Status Updates On His Hip, Dong<em></em>
Andy Murray announced today that he is recovering from a hip resurfacing, which will hopefully relieve the chronic hip pain that is forcing him into a sad, untimely retirement. The surgery involves shaving down the end of the femur and coating it in cobalt chromium metal so that it can move smoothl...
Charlton Fan Accidentally Kicks His Own Team's Player In The Dick And Balls Trying To Celebrate Game-Winning Goal
In the 93rd minute of the match between Charlton Athletic and Accrington Stanley, the linesman awarded a penalty to Charlton after a shot from midfielder Ben Reeves ricocheted off the hand of a defender in the penalty box. Karlan Grant calmly scored from the spot and the players were understandably ...
Woman Who Coaches Men's Soccer Team Responds To Sexist Question: "I Pick My Team On Dick Length"
In late December, German soccer club BV Cloppenburg handed the reins of their fifth-division men’s team to Imke Wübbenhorst, making her the first woman to coach a German men’s team at that high of a level. You could probably imagine some of the moronic questions Wübbenhorst has had to field in light...
Report: Nick Young Stole Man's Phone And Hit Him In The Dick And Balls At A Car Wash
Nick Young’s lone NBA action this season was a four-game cup of coffee with the Nuggets. He scored nine points and got waived shortly before the new year, though it appears he’s still getting shots up....
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....