dl Page 73 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Middlesbrough Nutmegged Back To The Championship
Middlesbrough will be relegated after a three-goal performance by Chelsea that saw keeper Brad Guzan earn a nutmeg hat trick. We’ve all had days like this....
Some Basketball Stuff Bradley Beal Did Last Night
The Boston Celtics won a game in which they trailed for pretty much all but a few moments of regulation, to take a 2-0 lead in their best-of-seven Eastern Conference semifinal series against the Washington Wizards. Celtics guard Isaiah Thomas was unstoppable in the fourth quarter and overtime, scori...
Brief But Revealing Conversations With People Who Emailed Me To Say ESPN Is Failing Because It's Liberal
ESPN is hemorrhaging money and laying off employees. This is because it is having trouble paying billions of dollars in rights fees while also losing millions of subscribers to cord-cutting. People cancel their cable subscriptions because advances in technology have allowed them to consume all the T...
FIFA Anti-Corruption Committee Member Admits To Taking Nearly $1 Million In Bribes
Richard Lai, the president of the Guam Football Association and a member of FIFA’s corruption-fighting audit and compliance committee, pleaded guilty yesterday in U.S. federal court to fraud charges arising from his admission to taking almost $1 million in bribes. Lest you were wondering if FIFA is ...
Here Are The 2017 Salaries For MLS Players
The MLS players’ union, as it does every year, released the salaries for all of its current players today. Former Real Madrid legend and Orlando City SC midfielder Kaka once again topped the list for highest paid players with $7.17 million in guaranteed compensation. Just behind him is Toronto FC’s ...
Behold This Marathon Runner Squirting Water At Prince William And Kate Middleton
In the hours after today’s London Marathon, people have been declaring this beautiful moment in which a runner picked up a collapsed fellow competitor and carried him over the finish line as the highlight of the race. That was lovely! That is not my highlight of the race. No, my highlight of the rac...
Madison Bumgarner Placed On The DL After Presumably Bitchin' Dirt Bike Accident
The Giants placed Madison Bumgarner on the disabled list with a sprained left shoulder and bruised ribs. According to Ken Rosenthal, ...
Lawn Games, Ranked
It’s springtime. Tender bright green shoots of grass are poking through the dead winter earth, squinting people are venturing outside to revel in the warm weather, and parks are beginning to fill up with all sorts of recreational activities. Here is a list of games you can play on grass, in descendi...
MTSU Football Players Suspended After Video Of Puppy Abuse Surfaces<em></em><em></em>
Two Middle Tennessee State football players have been indefinitely suspended after one took video of the other slapping a puppy repeatedly, according to the Daily News Journal....
Chelsea Training Features Sack-Tapping, Shit-Wrecking Hijinks
David Luiz and Diego Costa are, by all physical appearances, large adult men. Judging them by their behavior, though, you’d think they were mentally somewhere between the ages of 4 and 13. For evidence of this, here is Luiz whacking teammate John Terry in the nuts for fun:...
MLB Opening Day Hashtags, Ranked
Opening Day begins in less than one hour, and we have been blessed with 30 team marketing slogans and emojis to celebrate. Ranked:...
Sculptor Of Cristiano Ronaldo Bust: I, Like Jesus, Can't Please Everyone<em></em>
If art is supposed to be provocative, to generate questions and discussion and interest, then the bust of Cristiano Ronaldo unveiled outside the airport now named after him was a rousing success, even if it completely failed as an accurate representation of what Ronaldo actually looks like. You know...
Cristiano Ronaldo Honored With Hideous Bust That May Be Imbued With Dark Magic
The eyes! For the love of god, do not look into the eyes!...
Kettle Chips Flavors, Ranked
Kettle Chips are the finest chip (potato division) that one can find at almost any grocery or convenience store. What sets the mighty Kettle Chip apart from the standard potato chip is its heft and wide range of flavors on offer. Which flavors are the tastiest? Here is a semi-exhaustive guide to the...
Does This Look Like The Reincarnation Of Lou Gehrig To You?<em></em>
You’ve spoken to a toddler, or at least know enough about children to imagine what speaking to a toddler might be like. You understand that a 2-year-old child, because his brain is still developing and he is just starting to experiment with language, is liable to say some dumb things. A toddler migh...
The Wizards Need Rest More Than Anybody But Might Be Too Dumb To Take It
Here is how long the NBA season is: Long enough for the Washington Wizards to have gone from a bad team with a good starting five and an atrocious bench, to a good team with a great starting five and an atrocious bench, to a dark-horse Finals pick with a great starting five and a good bench, to a st...
Lukas Podolski's Last Goal For Germany Was A Poetic Banger
In Lukas Podolski’s last appearance for Germany’s national team, the former Arsenal man, corner kick extraordinaire, and guy known for absolutely crushing the ball launched a rocket into the top right corner in the 69th minute to beat England 1-0 in the friendly. It was the perfect final goal for th...
My Shit Always Breaks On The Eve Of Blizzards
On Saturday, my housemate tried cooking some zucchini, only to realize that our gas oven wasn’t working. We looked around for a pilot light but couldn’t find one. Some googling led us to believe we have an electric igniter system that needs replacement, and also that our oven was manufactured in 199...
Seasons Where Arsenal Finished Fourth And Got Knocked Out In The Round Of 16, Ranked
Somehow, it’s only happened four times....
Man, Cristiano Ronaldo Really Blew This One
Okay, okay, this isn’t quite a gimme goal here that Cristiano Ronaldo just missed. The angle was tough, and he had a lot to focus on with the keeper and defender right on top of him. Still, it was an open net, it would’ve been a hugely important goal in this second leg of Real Madrid’s Champions Lea...