e Page 7312 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Aw, Hell, Here's One More Tim Kurkjian Imitation From Rays Infielder Elliot Johnson
With Linsanity dying out, we needed something new. Call it Kurkjianomie....
Red Sox Minor Leaguer Pete Ruiz Has His Own Tim Kurkjian Impression
It's more understated than Blue Jays catcher J.P. Arencibia's, we'll argue. Arencibia's is perhaps funnier—he brought Kurkjian's voice to a comically high pitch—but Ruiz's seems more precise. He's Darrell Hammond to Arencibia's Will Ferrell....
Marlins Players Think Trippy Home Run Structure Could Distract Hitters
The colorfully gaudy sculpture, which will do this when the Marlins hit a home run, will be positioned in left-center field, where it could be in the field of vision of left-handed batters. [Miami Herald]...
Bristolmetrics: Apocalypse Comes To Daytona Beach, And A Female Athlete Is Mentioned 16 Times On <em>SportsCenter</em>
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week. Graphic by Jim Cooke....
This Is How Terrifying It Can Be To Glide Down An Olympic Bobsled Track
France's La Plagne Olympic proved to be pretty frightening for this poor guy, anyway....
Deion Sanders Says His Ex-Wife's $200 Million Lawsuit Is "Like Suing A Homeless Dude For A Burger And Some Fries"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Deion would love to know where Pilar thinks he has $200 million lying around....
Sob City: Clipper Darrell Breaks Down During TV Interview
We're still not sure what side to take in the Clipper Darrell vs. the Clippers dispute. It's easy to blame the Clippers, since Donald Sterling is such a dick and the timing of all this just so happened to coincide with the Clippers finally tasting success. But maybe Clipper Darrell was being a bit o...
The NFL Will Happily Pretend A Bounty Is The Worst Scandal Ever
Today, Gregg Williams has his heart weighed by Anubis. Williams is in New York to meet with Roger Goodell in the NFL's impenetrable Park Avenue fortress, but Goodell isn't alone. He's accompanied by Jeff Miller and Joe Hummel, the heads of the NFL's investigative and security teams, and I don't know...
Inside The Spring Training Market For $4 Porn
Excerpted from former Padre and Blue Jay Dirk Hayhurst's splendid new book, Out of My League, a true chronicle of life as a pitcher bouncing between the minor leagues and the show. Some names have been changed....
In The 1985 NBA Finals, A Respectful Boston Garden Applauded An Injured Laker. Not Young Bill Simmons.
Game six, the deciding game of the Lakers' 1985 championship, saw Los Angeles's Michael Cooper carried to the dressing room with an injury. Despite the rivalry, most of the Boston fans gave Cooper a nice hand. But 15-year-old Bill Simmons, sitting in the fourth row from the court, merely waved—th...
Mercifully, Sean Payton's Movie About Xbox May Now Never Get Made
Back when Sean Payton was on top of the world, he decided he'd like to go Hollywood. So he typed up the bare bones of a script, and as we learned this morning, handed it over to convicted felon Mike Ornstein to shop around. Nothing seems to have come of the project, and with Ornstein heavily implica...
Nets Owner Loses Russian Presidential Election Thanks To "Fucking Fuckwits"
It was a long cold Sunday for New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov, who decided a few months ago to challenge Vladimir Putin in the 2012 Russian presidential election. Nyet, Prokhorov! Nyet! As we've noted before, Putin is not only strong leader who crush enemy like Black Sea mosquito but also ma...
Here's How Oakland Squandered A Late 11-Point Lead And Was Upset By Southern Utah
"The Badlands Conference" is my favorite nickname for the Summit League, and it's an apt name given the conference tournament takes place in South Dakota, home to Badlands National Park. Last night's Summit quarterfinal between sixth-seed Southern Utah and third-seeded Oakland left the Golden Gri...
Giants And Diamondbacks Wait Out 41-Minute Bee Delay
A cloud of bees settled near the Giants dugout at the D-Backs training facility in Scottsdale, halting play until the grounds crew came up with a brilliant plan. They bought a bunch of lemonade and cotton candy from the food stands, smeared it on two golf carts, and used that to lure the bees away. ...
Ice Cube Ruins It For Everyone, Says There Was No One Particular "Good Day"
Back in January, we brought you two competing theories about the origins of Ice Cube's "It Was a Good Day." One intrepid blogger argued persuasively that Cube's good day was January 20, 1992. But another blogger debunked his case and brought in evidence from Behind the Music. He determined that Cu...
Bountygate Gives Roger Goodell Another Chance To Show You What A Big Dick He Has
I'd like to thank Gregg Williams for inspiring the single stupidest blog post headline of the year, from Frank Bruni of The New York Times. You can tell a sports scandal has reached its wear-out phase if Bruni feels compelled to chime in on it. Anyway, here's the headline:...
South Carolina High Schooler Follows Own Put-Back Dunk With Half-Court Alley-Oop Over Opponent
That first put-back dunk by Xavier Holmes of Great Falls (S.C.) was terrific enough. But second later Holmes caught a half-court pass from teammate Shaquille Simpson and proceeded to slam that, too. Holmes finished with 22 points, 20 rebounds, and five blocks as Great Falls won South Carolina's Cla...
Nick Mangold's 5-8, 374-Pound Sister Makes US Olympic Weightlifting Team
Perpetual Pro Bowl Jets center Nick Mangold weighs 307 pounds. He has to block the Vince Wilforks and Haloti Ngatas of the world. But he's probably not as strong as his younger sister, Holley, who qualified for the 2012 Olympics last night....
When Is A Goalie Not A Goalie? When He's A Center Forced To Stand In Net And Pray
With the backup goalie unavailable and the starter injured just two minutes into the game, the Erie Otters of the OHL were forced to turn to little-used center Connor Crisp. Crisp, who hadn't played goalie in organized hockey since he was five years old, threw on some secondhand pads and skates an...
Mets Owners Have To Pay Back $83 Million In Phony Madoff Profits, Have To Go To Trial Over $300M More
This is the worst news for the Mets in the last three days, non-valley fever edition:...