e Page 8502 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

And Now A Musical Interlude From John Daly
The big guy dropped out of the PGA Championship after one round (citing a bad back) and then dropped this smash hit single (citing the chords from "Every Rose Has Its Thorn.") Spoiler!: It's about being sad. [Devil Ball Golf]...

The Hamiltons In Jesusland
Because we're all coastal elites here at Deadspin, we asked a Texas native to give us a sense of how the Josh Hamilton saga is unfolding in the Lone Star State. Piously, reports Jonanna Widner....

Meaningless Struggle: The Preseason Opener
Why do you watch preseason football? To prepare for hosting duties, I sat down last night to watch three of my least favorite things: 1. the Baltimore Ravens, 2. the Washington team, 3. an exhibition game....

The Worst American Sports Writing: Steve Yanda
Deadspin readers met Steve Yanda this week when he compared the Nationals' winning streak to Bach's Passacaglia and Fugue in C minor (the Nats have not won a game since). But Steve Yanda writes like that all the time....

The Zen Master Gets His Kicks
Introducing Adidas' Phil Jackson Artillery shoe. Wear these, kids, and maybe you too will one day sit your serene ass on the bench while the greatest players in league history win you championship after championship! [OC Register, via Slam]...

The Tony Dungy Seal Of Approval
The most fascinating element of the Michael Vick saga is the role of Tony Dungy, who has leveraged his credibility to get Vick a new job. Is this the future of PR management for "troubled" athletes?...

U.S.A. on Road to Amputee-Sports Glory
The New York Times reports on the development of a new, potentially world-class American sprinter: Jerrod Fields, who lost his left foot and lower leg to an IED in Baghdad....

The Worst American Sports Writing: Gene Wojciechowski
Writing. About sports. Sometimes it is so terrible it can make you cry, cry like a child who has learned his heroes have feet of clay. "Feet" meaning "buttocks" and "of clay" meaning "shot full of Dianabol." Here's Gene Wojciechowski....

Southeast Missouri State Feels The NCAA's Sting
The NCAA has thrown the book at Southeast Missouri State basketball, vacating all their men's basketball wins from 2006-2008 because an assistant gave impermissible benefits to a player—by giving him a lift home to see his newborn baby....

Vick in Philly: Three Interpretations
Before he signed a contract, Michael Vick was just a fun little action figure for sports talkers to make pretend-play with in their living rooms....

Karen Sypher Opens Up To <i>New York Post</i>
When you're at the heart of a scandal—and everyone thinks you're crazy—who will listen to your side of the story? The New York Post will, so they've snagged a tell-all interview with Rick Pitino's dine-in lover....

Betts, Bettis ... Whatever It Takes
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Guest Editor Intro: I Am Delusional and I Hate Winners
Good morning, sports fans. You are looking LIVE at—well, at a post I wrote yesterday and put in the can in advance....

Adrian Beltre Goes On The DL With An OH GOD WHY OW OW OW
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

BoSox Cap Can't Cover Fan's Shame, Penis
Anyone know what Kevin Youkilis did after being ejected the other night? Because a Massachusetts man was arrested for taking a walk wearing sneakers, a Red Sox cap...and nothing else....

Landon Donovan Has Swine Flu
And no, he didn't get it from being showered in urine and vomit by Mexican fans. But here's your excuse for yesterday's match result, Sam's Army. [FanNation]...

Which Version Of Madden Should Take Over Your Life?
If you're reading this from a line outside a 24-hour Wal-Mart, you've probably already made your choice, but if you're unsure which version of Madden 10 you should buy today, consider how you would most like waste your life....

Michael Phelps Involved In Car Crash
Don't worry, the sea god was uninjured when his Escalade plowed into another car in downtown Baltimore. But let's not forget he's already on probation for a DUI...[WJZ]...

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
Apologies for taking the Lord's name in vain in the headline, readers, but this is some serious backchannel craziness the Eagles just pulled off. With all the possible destinations for Michael Vick, even in the strictly hypothetical, UFL sense.......

Mike Vick To The Eagles
That's two deceptively immobile black QBs in Philly. The Iggles inked Vick to a two year deal, which begs the question: were they bidding against themselves? Your resident Eagles homer will be along shortly with measured, reasonable analysis. [ESPN]...