e Page 8998 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
• As usual the Wizznutzz have spent the bulk of the summer in the Mothering Hut and their output has been truly inspired. It's the kind of inspiration you can only get from eating week-old Sabrett's hot dogs with Chico DeBarge and Rod Strickland's pet lemur. Plus the lemur bit Jaarko (who responded ...
The Announcer Doth Protest Too Much, Methinks
via Awful Announcing...
Best.Draft.Ever.
I know that nobody likes hearing about other people's fantasy football lives— but this could be an exception. The intrepid Andy Behrens of Yahoo! Fantasy! gathered up a group of 12 sports bloggers to form the Tank Johnson Desert Classic. The league is a highly volatile experiment that Behrens will c...
They Tried to Take His Greenies But He Said 'No, No, No'
• One blogger's open letter to Michael Strahan [Strike Zones and End Zones] • Neifi Perez needs rehab worse than Amy Winehouse [FanHouse] • A touching tribute to Skip Prosser with the subtle climax we've come to expect [Nation Of Islam Sports] • Jay Mohr needs to step up his game if he's going to st...
Jean Strahan Is Gettin Paid
If Michael Strahan wants to lose the gap-toothed look he should probably go to the dentist now while he's still insured. Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports(!) has shed some light on the financial terms of the Strahan's highly publicized divorce....
Does This Mean No More Live Look-Ins?
The nation's long wait has finally come to an end, A-Rod hit 500! Alright, it's not exactly 756 but at least it's one less thing we'll have to hear about every single day. He got things out of the way in a hurry this afternoon with a first inning blast off of Kyle Davies. Call me crazy, but I think ...
The Sun Goes Down On Elton
Being stuck in Clipper purgatory is painful, but that's got nothin' on a ruptured Achilles' tendon. Elton Brand suffered the devastating injury during his off-season workout at the Sports Club South Bay. Once the league's most underrated star undergoes surgery he'll face several months of recovery a...
Bear Down, Lorena! Bear Down, Rory!
• 12:00 — NASCAR: Busch Series Qualifying! [ESPN2] • 1:00 — PGA: WGC Bridgestone Invitational [CBS] • 1:00 — LPGA: Ricoh Women's British Open Third Round from St. Andrews [ABC] • 2:00 — Movie: The Ladies Man [Comedy Central] • 3:00 — Football: NFL Quarterback Challenge [ESPN] • 3:00 — Movie: Remembe...
This Place Is Restricted, Wang
Who needs an A-Rod long-ball when you've got a Wang that just won't quit? Sir Alex failed to hit his 500th homer (again) but Robinson Cano picked up his slack (again!) as the Yankees dominated the Royals 7-1. Chien-Ming Wang allowed just 8 men to reach base in seven innings of work while Odalis Per...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while cleaning up your dishes • Boxing: Jean Pascal's ridiculous hair-art proves too much for Kingsley Ikeke in a unanimous decision. • Extreme Sports: Something totally fucking crazy probably happened at the X Games last night, I just don't care. • MLB: The Cubs can't deal with all ...
This Headline Will Not Include Barry Bonds
• Way to go, Iraq! Oh, sorry. • Pujols, Pop-A-Shot. • Gilbert is funny when he takes other people's jokes. • Quiet, Deion. • The live report from the Arena Bowl. • Pete Rose is charming. • Ow ow ow. • Pac Man Jones, rasslin'. • We're map happy! • Goodnight, ESPN. • Matt Leinart is optimistic about t...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you cook a gigantic pot of beans, per Rachael Ray's perky instructions ... • MLB: Colorado at Atlanta. The catcher's mask protects my face, but does nothing to hide the longing and regret. [TBS] • Extreme sports: X Games, at Los Angeles. You weren't quite extreme enough on that last...
New MNF Booth Just Full Of Giggles!
Newsday's Neil Best documents a happening that seems specifically designed to make Joe Theismann pound his face repeatedly against a wall: a practice session with the new "Monday Night Football" crew. They're having so much fun!...
Witness The Raw Might Of Tony Gwynn
We make no claims to physical supremacy, or aptitude, or even the ability to walk 40 feet without heaving. But surely, new Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn isn't this weak....
Who'll Be The First Baseball General Manager To Get Publicly Smeared?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
We Like You As Much As We Can Like Anyone Who Thinks We're An Asshole
If anything happens to us, you tell every woman we've ever gone out with we were talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate us....