ea Page 1862 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Get To Know A Comic You Probably Don't Know: Jessica Kirson
Who? Jessica Kirson started in New York. She's big but never uses it to self-pity or incur sympathy. She uses it to destroy. The hardest comics to follow on a show are the ones that change the rhythm of a room. A one-liner comic throws off the pattern for the comedians that follow because the audi...

Today In Great Coach Quotes
"If you want a Savile Row suit, you pay Savile Row prices, but you can still put a suit on your back from Tesco's... It would be unfair to expect the Tesco man to look as good as the Savile Row man." [West Brom manager Roy Hodgson on the team's bankroll, via Yahoo! Sport]...

<em>Jersey Shore</em> Finally Finds Its Voice: Joe Buck
Your morning roundup for Aug. 11, the day it wasn't a good idea to let a six-year-old drive the car. Photo via @danpbell. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Bryce Harper Got Thrown Out Of A Minor League Baseball Game Tonight
Washington Nationals prospect/messiah Bryce Harper of the Harrisburg Senators didn't agree with the umpire's strike call in tonight's game against the Richmond Flying Squirrels. So, he slammed his helmet to the ground, got ejected and did some yelling. Good times were had by all....

D.A.R.E. Cop Busted For DUI, Blames His Dog
Here's to you, Officer John Newcomb of Seymour, Ind. You knew you it'd be difficult talking your way out of (allegedly) sideswiping a parked car and hitting a tree with the department's Drug Abuse Resistance Education trailer hitched to your pickup. So, you told police you were "distracted by [your...

Get To Know A Comic You Probably Don't Know: David Walton
Who? The entertainment industry makes no sense. It is capricious mix of talent, looks and most importantly, luck. Here is an example. There were two excellent comic actors in my college senior class. Both were charismatic, hard-working and good-looking dudes. They arranged a performance of Mamet's G...

I Never Want To Work On A Goddamn TV Show Again: A Week In LA With Norm Macdonald
Last November, Drew Magary and I traveled to Los Angeles to spend a week working on the pilot for what would become the now-canceled Sports Show With Norm Macdonald. You've read his highlights. Now here are mine....

Total QB Rating: Everything Great About ESPN Multiplied By Everything Insufferable
It's been fascinating to watch ESPN roll out its new, proprietary Total Quarterback Rating over the past few days, and not just because we got to see Tirico, Gruden, and Jaws huffing and grunting and puzzling over the thing as if it were the first stone tool. ("This new measure of stats," Tirico cal...

Showbiz Crack Whores: A Week In LA With Norm Macdonald
Last November, A.J. Daulerio and I traveled to Los Angeles to spend a week working on the pilot for what would become the now-canceled Sports Show with Norm MacDonald. Here now are some quick highlights from that trip....

Ron Artest Will Play In The Worst Basketball League In Europe
England could use a little peace right now, and they're getting Metta World Peace. Ron Artest, against the advice of his agent, his sponsors, and anyone who knows anything about basketball, has signed a deal to play for the Cheshire Jets of the British Basketball League....

OK, Who Stole A.J. Burnett's Tricycle?
Your morning roundup for Aug. 10, the day we realized we should probably change our password. Photo via Yahoo!/Getty Images. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Calgary's List Of Most Wanted Fugitives Includes Mr. Dakota Neil Weasel Head
This man is on the loose for failure to comply. This man, according to the Vancouver Sun, is Dakota Neil Weasel Head. He's made Calgary Crime Stoppers' list of the city's top 13 fugitives. (No word on whether Jay Feaster made the list, too)....

Chris Johnson's Holdout Is Good News For Titans Fans; Eagles Fans Should Probably Worry About DeSean Jackson
Happy August 9th! It's a day you should have circled on your football calendar, because today's the day that players have to report to camp in order to accrue a year of service. As dictated by the new CBA, any players still holding out for reworked contracts will have to wait an extra year for their...

Shaq's New Girlfriend Is Admirably Comically Sized (UPDATE: This Is How They Kiss)
Maybe she could fit inside one of his long jean short legs?...

Envisioning The Death Of The NBA
I have a lingering personal defect, which is that I always, without fail, overestimate the power of both staplers and hole punchers. If I have a stack of 50 pages that I need stapled and I see a tinyass Swingline stapler and I'm like, "NO PROBLEMO." Then I go to staple the pages together and the sta...

Some Rockets Are Just More Impressive Than Others
Your morning roundup for Aug. 9, the day we decided not to bid on the Marilyn Monroe sex tape. H/T to Gordon for the photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

British Beach Volleyball Players To Put Barcode Ads On Their Butts
No, seriously. And it's for a gambling company. From London's Daily Mail:...

We Want To Know Why Your College Sucks
Dear loyal Deadspin readers,...

The One Where Some Guy Tries To Sell Us Evidence Of Michelle Beadle Flirting With Aaron Rodgers At The ESPYs
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. This space is now reserved for those scuzz-money entrepreneurs who've unsuccessfully tried to sell us prurient information. This is also where we'll run notable emails we've received from some of our readers. All emails are [sic]'d. Enjoy. ...

Australian Sports Are Designed For Incredible Catches
That's David Mead of the Gold Coast Titans with the incredible fingertip grab and score from this weekend's NRL action. Australians seem obsessed with anointing highlights the "try of the year" , but apparently rugby league is a totally different sport from Aussie Rules Football, so Mead can have ...