ea Page 2153 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Chance For All Your Spurs Bile
Either the world of NBA fans is going to collectively groan and try to work themselves up for yet another Spurs playoff series tonight ... or the Spurs' assault on our senses will perhaps finally end. Fingers crossed....
I'm Doing It For You, Big Brown!
I won't lie; it's hard to be upbeat with Ted Kennedy still in the hospital. But to lift your spirits, here's something the Senator from Massachusetts no doubt would have attempted, had he been 40 years younger and on the infield at Pimlico on Sunday. Will this brave fan's attempted leap from one por...
Big Brown Wins Preakness, Thinks, "Boy, I Am Hungry"
Look. This is Big Brown. This is a horse. We suppose Big Brown is a good-looking, as far as horses go, though we're not sure, from this angle, if we could possibly tell the difference between Big Brown and any other horse on the planet that wasn't, you know, a zebra....
About Last Night
What you missed while watching the topless news ... • NBA: The crowd down at Cheers are still celebrating this one ... except for Norm, who's in the crapper. Celtics 97, Cavaliers 92. • NHL: Bow before our flightless, herring-breathed overlords. Penguins 6, Flyers 0. • Auto racing: I misunderstood ....
Fun At the Preakness
Near as anyone could tell, today's game of beer-can volleyball broke out when someone flung a brew from on top of an outhouse. That, the surrounding masses realized, looked like jolly good fun. And soon the sky filled with silver-and-foam, the silver signifying surprisingly heavy vessels of lite bee...
Jelena Is Excitable
Jelena Jankovic defeated the unseeded Alizé Cornet in straight sets to retain her title in the Italian Open before celebrating with a bit of champagne....
For Your Sunday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure
• 1:00 — Cheer: Cheerleading Worlds Competition. Admit it, you're intrigued. [ESPN2] • 1:00 — Soccer: AC Milan vs. Udinese [FSC] • 1:00 — Cars: Indianapolis 500 Qualifying. Again. [ABC] • 1:30 — Baseball: Boston Red Sox vs. Milwaukee Brewers. [TBS] • 2:00 — Golf: LPGA Tour Sybase Classic, Final Roun...
Preakness: WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It's time to let these gargantuan mammals race on their precariously thin legs and I'm pumped! Big Brown is your overwhelming favorite heading in to post time and the only real question is whether he can keep the hope of a Triple Crown alive. Continue after the jump for updates on all the goings on...
Enjoying Porn and Chicken In Vilnius
Thanks to Ballin Europe for bringing us this video of Zalgaris' Marcus Brown speaking after his team's playoff victory. Brown must have consumed a lot of chicken and porn over the years, because the Murray State product is the Euroleague's all-time leading scorer.. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm goin...
Previewing the Running of the Horses
The Preakness Stakes is finally upon us and Maryland students couldn't be more eager to get fucked up in celebration (it's not a real party without Scott Van Pelt). Since I know incredibly little about horse racing, I've turned to Randy, a lover of both equines and Deadspin. His words are after the ...
You Needn't Have Two Arms to Kick Ass
Earlier in the week Awful Announcing reported that ESPN will air a feature on the ratings bonanza that is roller derby on tomorrow's SportsCenter. Brian was obviously a bit befuddled by at the idea of roller derby getting significant airtime on the network's flagship show, but the blog Steady Burn h...
For Your Viewing Pleasure
• 1:30 — NHL: Dallas Stars vs. Detroit Red Wings, Game 5. [NBC] • 2:00 — LPGA: Sybase Classick, Third Round. [ESPN2] • 2:00 — Horses: Preakness Special from Pimlico Race Course. [ESPN] • 3:00 — PGA: AT&T Classic, Third Round at TPC Sugarloaf. [CBS] • 3:30 — ABC: LA Sparks vs. Phoenix Mercury. [ABC] ...
About Last Night
What you missed while wondering what set off everyone's obsession with anal fisting... • MLB: The Rays beat the Cardinals, but don't worry about Will, he's drunk. • NBA: In the night's one playoff game that didn't totally suck, the Lakers knocked the Jazz out of the playoffs. So yes, it is possible ...
Perhaps Simmons Should Write A Newspaper Column
• Tony K kisses newspapers goodbye. • Utah fans are scary. • Dee Mirich returns! • Reggie MIller, drinkin' • Hirshey nailed the end of the EPL season. • Barkley and Vegas, two great tastes that taste great together. • Sit a few plays out, big guy. • Thank you, Milwaukee! • When Charles Haley attacks...
Boston Little League Crushes Rogue Parent, Keeps Nation Free For Democracy
A seven-year-old Boston area Little Leaguer was benched for two games recently when his mother didn't show up for her scheduled shift at the league snack bar. The Freetown Youth Athletic Association levied the penalty on the child due to his scofflaw mother, who claims that — get this — she had to w...
Worry Is Like Interest Paid In Advance On A Debt That Never Comes Due
Nobody looks at a Japanese tourist....
Wait, Stealing Condoms Is A Crime?
We remember when a friend of ours, in high school, gave us advice, handed down to him by his grandfather, on how to buy condoms. "The trick," he said, "is not to try to slip them in with other purchases, or anything like that. Sorry, man: You just have to steal them." We didn't take that tactic, but...
Sean Avery's Internship At Vogue Begins
When we first heard that Rangers left wing Sean Avery was going to intern for Vogue magazine this summer, once the Rangers were finally eliminated from the playoffs, we assumed it was a joke, or some stunt meant to get Avery a seat next to that weird lady with the crazy glasses at Roger Federer matc...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......