el Page 2013 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Orlando "Zeus" Brown, Tackle Best Known For Suing The NFL After Taking A Penalty Flag In His Eye, Dead At 40
Brown, who spent most of his career with the Ravens, got hit with Jeff Triplette's flag while playing for the Browns in 1999. He missed nearly four seasons and received a $15-20 million settlement from the NFL....

Dan Shaughnessy Wants The Red Sox Barred From The Playoffs Even If They Qualify
Here's the CHB: "How about banishing the 2011 Red Sox from postseason play on the grounds of horsebleep play for the entire month of September?...

Ohio Bobcats Get Black Jerseys, Completely Lose Their Shit
Skip ahead to the 1:10 mark or so and watch as Ohio football players learn via video that they'll be wearing black jerseys this season. Much whooping ensues. One guy rolls around on the floor. Another raises his arms in supplication to the glory of Russell Athletic. This is the jock equivalent of ...

U.S. Ambassador Of Headers And Beautiful Goals Abby Wambach Gets Another One
Back in July, when the USWNT was still storming through the Women's World Cup, we nominated Abby Wambach for U.S. Ambassador of Headers and Beautiful Goals, because she kept scoring beautiful goals off of headers. In yesterday's friendly against Canada, she got another one—so we'd like to take thi...

Football Is Even More Exciting With A Spanish Announcer
This is LarryLarryLarryLarry Fitzgerald's 73-yard touchdown from Sunday, as exuberantly described by Gabriel Trujillo of 710 ESPN Deportes Radio in Phoenix. It contains the cadences of a soccer call, and about 800 times the excitement due a Cardinals/Redskins game. [AZCardinals.com]...

SprtsCntr: ESPN Has A Thousand Words for "Will Play"
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Bill Belichick, Terror Of The High Seas, On Roller Skates
Your morning roundup for Sept. 23, the day we learned Einstein might have been wrong about that whole theory of relativity jazz. Photo courtesy Larry Brown Sports, via @xmasape. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Let's Watch A Russian Oligarch Preemptively Attack A Fellow Tycoon On A Talk Show
Per The Telegraph, "billionaire Russian oligarch Alexander Lebedev has physically attacked a fellow tycoon on national TV after the other man told him he would like to "punch someone's lights out."...

ESPN's Jenn Brown Doesn't Think Highly Of Bitch Butch Jones
The perils of live sideline reporting are such that even if you catch yourself calling a coach named Butch a bitch (as in, Jones of Cincinnati), a lot of people notice. And giggle. And take video of it and send it in to websites that may or may not post a six-second snippet of said slip....

Maradona Kicked A Fan Before Winning His First Game As A Coach In Dubai Today
"Diego Maradona has enjoyed his first victory as coach of UAE side Al Wasl, a day after telling fans to stay at home and watch a DVD if they found it too stressful to follow his team. Al Wasl's goals in a 3-0 win against promoted Emirates in the second round of matches in the Etisalat Cup came fro...

Ferran Adria Will Provide Avant-Garde Food Particles To FC Barcelona's Future Lionel Messis
Understandably, FC Barcelona wants to create an entire youth generation of budding Lionel Messis. The kind of young men who dream about soccer. The kind of young men who attend the sex and alcohol parties for the video games. The kind of young men who will eat only the finest, most sought-after cuis...

Put A Björk In It: How A 14-Year-Old Album Is Still Influencing Music
For Music Week, our own Jack Dickey will be defending his seemingly indefensible music tastes. Tuesday: Drake. Today: Björk....

Pearl Jam Fan Notes: The Perks Of Bartending Near Wrigley When Eddie Vedder's In Town
Here's another batch of PJ fan notes submitted by readers. If you have more, please send them our way. Ed's storytelling on the rooftop at Murphy's, a possible urban legend, and a memorable autograph snub....

Djokovic-Federer Had Nothing On Christ-Satan, Says Writer Who Is Not Joking
"The match between Djokovic and Federer in New York was quite a spectacle, but it was nothing compared to Christ's victory over sin and death and Satan. 'And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.' (Colossians 2:15) Memo to ...

SprtsCntr: Coming To You Live From Michael Vick's Hippocampus
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Presenting What Could Be The First Nasty Face-To-Boards Hit Of The NHL Preseason
Jody Shelley of the Philadelphia Flyers (for now) logged 6:27 of ice time in a preseason game against the Toronto Maple Leafs before he was asked to retire to the locker room for the evening....

Kobe Bryant Makes A Cameo In UC Irvine Athletics's Horrendous "Love Shack" Video
When Ray Lewis worried about the societal ramifications of an NFL lockout, he said evil would result. While he didn't say so, it's not much of a stretch to think it similarly applies to an NBA lockout....

If You're Comfortable Watching Girls Run Facefirst Into Soccer Goalposts, Watch This
This young girl goalkeeper was woefully out of position when an opposing forward took a quality shot. In attempting to stop said shot, the young girl goalkeeper's forehead met the goalpost with authority. And yes, classy dad who pipes up at the end, it appears she is "done already."...

Fox NFL Sunday Analysts Are Really, Totally Not Transparently Excited About <em>The X Factor</em>
From today's Twitter postings:...

Erin Andrews: Limber
Aggressive Women's Magazine Photographer: Erin! Together again. This shoot will be super-fun this time, promise. Now lemme read the sheet, wait..."visual component of CrossFit workout routine" for Self...WHAT? Why don't I just shoot you taking a yoga class at Crunch! Let's push this more. Go stand a...