el Page 2256 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Tyler Hansbrough, In All His White Doughy Glory
While watching the UNC-Oklahoma game with a friend who knows nothing about college basketball, she suddenly blurted out, "What's wrong with that guy's face? Why won't he close his mouth?"...

It Looks Like Andrew Bynum's Knee Is Just Fine
The Lakers' center played in a golf/Playmate-lifting contest at the Playboy Mansion Saturday, despite not playing an NBA game since January because of a bad knee. To be fair, she is filled with helium. [SI]...

Massachusetts Girls Soccer Coach Resigns Over Hilarious, Possibly Insane Email
If George Patton had coached a girls soccer team, he probably would have run things this way; only without so many references to red meat. Meet Michael Kinahan, ex-coach of the Scituate, Mass. Green Death....

Calipari Watch, Day 2: Pretty Blonde Reporter Is Latest Victim Of The Madness
A Deadpsin operative checked into "Door Watch '09" last night to find that the Memphis Athletic Department had been replaced by an adorable blonde reporter. You can imagine how the comment horde dealt with that....

Kevin Garnett Gets A Long Spring Break
Celtics will "shut down" their hobbled big man until his knee gets better. Don't expect to see Garnett play again until it's time for the playoffs.Why not just shut down all their starters? [SI/AP]...

Tigers Don't Need Gary Sheffield After All
Detroit has dumped their $14 million DH with 499 career home runs. Oh, don't worry ... he gets to keep the money! [MLB; But The Game Is On]...

Jason Campbell, Ryan Zimmerman Star In "Chillin' N' Mackin'"
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Yes, Robert Powell Is Very Proud To Be A Policeman
The Dallas cop who made national news thanks to his heartless treatment of Texans' running back Ryan Moats' grieving family has a MySpace page that's not at all surprising. [SBB]...

Brady's New Wife Reveals Many Things About Their Relationship (And Her Body) In Vanity Fair Interview
Gisele Bundchen gives Vanity Fair a candid glimpse into her new domesticated life as Mrs. Tom Brady. Nude, of course....

Will James Donaldson Become America's Tallest Mayor?
Next to the Space Needle he's the city's tallest landmark, so why not James Donaldson for mayor of Seattle? And he says that his first order of business will be ... bringing back the SuperSonics....

D Train Goes Slightly Off The Tracks
The Tigers got clearance from the commissioner's office to put Dontrelle Willis on the DL with an anxiety disorder on Sunday. I thought only Tigers fans got those....

Opening Day At Citi Field, The House That You And I Built
The first player ever to hit a home run at Citi Field? Sean Lamont of Georgetown, which beat St. John's 6-4 on Sunday as Mets fans got to give their new, controversial ballpark a test drive....

Orioles' Radio Station Turns Rain-Delay Into "Canceled" Game
Fans in Baltimore waiting for the Orioles game to resume yesterday after a 90-minute rain delay may have been confused when the game resumed, but the radio crew calling the action was nowhere to be found....

Darren Daulton Still Delightfully Nuts
One would think that with the power of astral travel, Darren Daulton would choose to visit Vienna during the Renaissance, or Rome during the reign of the Caesars. But a card show in Ephrata, Pa.?...

Your Yankee Superfandom Is Not Welcome
Interesting story about the paranoid corporate buffoonery of the Yankees who decided that novelist Jane Heller's "Confessions of a She-Fan" was "too controversial" to be a part of the Yankees' Opening Day commemorative program....

Pele "Debuted" With A "Lad"
In response to attacks about his coaching ability, Argentine coach Diego Maradona says soccer legend Pele lost his virginity to a man. [Goal.com]...

Jose Lima Returns For Another Go Around
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Jose Tabata: Wife 'Completely Falsified Her Pregnancy'
The story of Jose Tabata and his 43-year-old wife is the gift that keeps on giving. Today's episode: She apparently told the 20-year-old outfielder that the baby she (allegedly) abducted was his....

NCAA Sweet 16: (1) North Carolina vs. (4) Gonzaga
East Region: No. 1 North Carolina (30-4) vs. No. 4 Gonzaga (28-5) When: Thursday, 9:57 p.m., EDT Where: FedExForum, Memphis, Tennessee NORTH CAROLINA TAR HEELS 1) Make it Wayne Let's get this out of the way for those waking from comas: Tyler Hansbrough is the ACC's all-time leading scorer and Tywo...
