el Page 2288 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Choose Your Own Adventure
You are standing at the crossroads of your life. There are two closed doors in front of you. Behind one of them is an expansive gallery featuring 92 photos of the lovely dimple-faced Carrie Milibank in all of her bikini-laden glory. But behind the other door lurks an evil Auburn fan, donning a creep...
Will Matt Cassel Fetch $10 Million A Year?
Patriots quarterback Matt Cassel, or as we refer to the long-time understudy in my keeper league, "Goddamn Matt Cassel," couldn't have orchestrated a better time for Ton Brady to get injured, as Cassel's contract expires at the end of this season. Rumor has it that Cassel will be seeking "Aaron Rodg...
Pennywise The Clown Hearts The Heat
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap This is Michael Beasley of the Heat, throwing up a shot at the other end of the court for no good reason other than he was scared shitless because that Ronald McDonald clown in the...
The Promising Backups That Paved the Way for Matt Cassel's Padded Bank Account
Continuing with our economic theme today, the market outlook seems awfully bullish for New England Patriots backup turned starter Matt Cassel. After his big time coming out party on Thursday night, in which Bill Simmons drunkenly compared him to John Elway, Cassel looks to have set himself up for qu...
Dodgers Fans Need Bailout for Spring Training Tickets
The tough economic conditions are hitting all of us, my friends, and the sporting world is not immune from feeling the effects. From NASCAR's cancellation of test runs next season to the New Jersey Nets offering free tickets to the unemployed, businesses will do what they have to in order to survive...
Your Trophy Sleeps With the Fishes
Tiny little Haverford College, best known for producing intellectual types (Bethlehem Shoals!) and lesbians smarter than the rest of us, will attempt to win its sixth straight championship today in the super exciting sport of cross-country. The Black Squirrels are led by Tom Donnelly, a legend in th...
Ad Agency Behind Controversial ESPN Spot Speaks: "It Wasn't Meant to Offend Anyone"
Many of you saw Awful Announcing's fascinating post about the leaked casting call item for an upcoming ESPN commercial. The concept seemed innocent enough: "The spots take place in the ESPN College Basketball Call Center (CBBCC). All of these guys are there representing their schools, calling people...
Taste The Goodness Of Vicktory Dogs Wine
When I think of fine wine, I also think of dogs — who doesn't? Throw in Michael Vick, and you have an amusing little wine with a full-bodied locker room bouquet and just a hint of flea powder. Welcome to Carivintas Winery, a Southern California company which markets Vicktory Dogs Wine; 22 varieties ...
Contentious Media Dork Calls Bill Simmons a "Jock Washer"
Throughout Bill Simmons ongoing mysterious Andy Dufresne saga with the WWL over his podcast, his NFL Picks column, and his treatment at Page 2, his thinly-veiled digs have, for the most part, only been scrutinized by the sports media watchers fascinated by the Sports Fella's every move.(Myself inclu...
According to Jemele Hill, Warren Sapp Deserves a Pounding for Keyshawn "Bitch" Comment
Here's an amusing little snag from Awful Announcing, featuring current "Inside the NFL" analyst Warren Sapp and budding home decorator/"NFL Live" analyst, Keyshawn Johnson. Sapp was responding to viewer questions during his "Ask Warren Anything" segment. One viewer was curious about Sapp's thoughts...
And Just When You Thought You've Seen Everything on Facebook....
This is Fox Sports/KC Star columnist Jason Whitlock's latest status update. Good God. Somebody send the man a laxative. Given all the problems Facebook has caused people in the last week, this one will hopefully not get anyone fired. Except, perhaps, Mr. Whitlock's proctologist. Odds on being de-fr...
The Philadelphia Eagles Organization Will Not Allow Reporters to Surf for Smut On Their Time
The Philadelphia Eagles are one of the most notoriously uptight teams when it comes to their public image so this little blurb in John Gonzalez's Inquirer column today comes as no surprise. It turns out that the team's press box is outfitted with a web censoring device, similar to the ones found in ...
When We Were Kings: One Night At Rick's Cabaret
"I don't get the Derek Jeter thing, " one dancer named Julianne says from across a four top table in the dimly lit dining room of Rick's Cabaret. "He's so normal looking." Two other girls, Holly and, oh, I don't know remember what her name was — Bambi, maybe?— agree. "Yes, he's really not that hands...
Terrell Owens, Comedian
I did not see last night's "Late Show with David Letterman" (so late!) so I missed this appearance by everyone's favorite vaudeville joke-maker and occasional wide receiver Terrell Owens. We also lost our copy of "Little T Learns To Share," but we think this Top Ten list sends pretty much the same m...
Understanding The NFL Fine System (Hint: You Can't)
Last week, New York Giants defensive end Justin Tuck was fined $7,500 for a hit that pretty much everyone on the planet—except for the referee who a threw a flag at him—agreed was a textbook tackle. The commissioner's office felt this was a perfectly reasonable response as part of its effort to prot...
Fun With Babies: More Horrifying Tales From The Phillies Parade
Just like Vietnam, it may be decades before the entire tragic picture of the Phillies victory parade finally comes into focus. More disturbing details emerge each day, including this video, in which this excitable Phils fan can't stop fist-pumping, and in the process nearly jettisons his kid. But...
A Little Trash Talk For Your Tuesday
First, the reasons Kevin Garnett's taunting actions here are a big bowl of wrong: the finger-waving gestures you see in the stills and in the video below are from the movie Bring It On. What? Kevin Garnett is a 15-year-old girl? Also, after all that tongue-wagging and gesturing, Jose Calderon whistl...
Holyfield Will Fight Valuev, And he Means It
... Anybody Want A Peanut? Of course Andre the Giant comes to mind when we find out that Evander Holyfield, age 46, has an agreement to fight 7-foot-2 Russian WBA heavyweight champion Nikolai Valuev, on December 20th in Zurich, Switzerland. But I draw more of a comparison to Hulk Hogan in Rocky III...
Ha! I Can Never Be Tackl ... Ohhh, Mommy!
This youngster here is obviously a fan of the classic, straight-ahead running style of now-retired Dolphins running back Larry Csonka. Ouch. I should have listened to mom when she suggested beginning golf. The question is, which hit was bigger: This one, or the one levied by the Eagles' Chris Goc...
The Continuing Saga of One Online MMA Community and an Angry Martial Artist Pestering Rick Chandler
A little less than a month ago, you may remember the story about MMA fighter Lloyd Irvin and how he disarmed an intruder at his family's home using a fancy sambo technique. In the initial post that Rick wrote, he was skeptical about the report, which resulted in a few testy email exchanges with Mr. ...