el Page 2291 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your Guest Editor Has Arrived. Get All Your Balls In Order.
All right, you listen up, you little freaks. The fun stops here: you're going to shut your stinking traps and behave, dammit! This is one substitute you're not going to SCREW WITH! That's right, I'm your guest editor today. Send your tips to me here, or to [email protected]. And while I'm here, in ...
The Night The Boos Died
You may be big NFL fan. You may be a big NBA fan. We all have our favorite sports. But, after last night, you’d be hard-pressed to argue that ANY sport ends its season in more memorable fashion than baseball.Because you always have to get that last out. There’s no clock to run down. You can’t kneel...
Us Did It! Phillies Are World Series Champions
They sure took their sweet time, but after the most adrenaline-packed three-and-a-half innings of baseball all year (maybe ever?) the Phillies take the lead twice, with the second one sticking for a 4-3 victory, vanquishing the Tampa Bay Rays in five games. Geoff Jenkins led off the game with a pinc...
World Series Game Five Live Blog 33-1/3: The Final Insult
Last time on "World Series Test Cricket," our Philadelphia Phillies and Tampa Bay Rays were tied 2-2 in the middle of the 6th inning. Please slip on the underwear you adorned on Tuesday (or, if you want to be accurate, Monday) and jump like it's October 27th. * * *Top 9th 3 ...
Unfortunate Babies Poised For Lifetime Of Regret
I'm quite certain that, should he win on Nov. 4, the first order of business in the new Barack Obama administration will be to end the practice of parents naming their children after sports stars. Sadly it's too late for little Cole and Chase Ryan, born just prior to Monday's Great Rain Delay and na...
A Detroit Columnist Caught Making Stuff Up? Surely Not
Detroit News columnist Rob Parker really doesn't appear on my radar screen much, except for this infamous column, and of course his work on the dearly departed Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith. So that's two strikes against him right there. But now comes the news that he apparently fabricated sou...
Mystery Phillies Bud Selig Chastiser Identified! (We Think)
Three sources have come forward to reveal the identity of the mystery Philadelphia Phillie responsible for the now-famous quote about Bud Selig on Monday. Upon seeing Selig in the Phillies' clubhouse following the postponement of Game 5 due to rain, a Phillies pitcher looked at him and said: "That f...
Loaded Feature Stories That Make It Abundantly Clear Why Newspapers Suck
Yes, that's Brett Myers, Phillies number two pitcher, who many of you only know as the man who punched his wife in the face outside a Boston bar back in June of 2006. Given his penchant for violence and dickheaded outbursts, it would seem completely ridiculous for a newspaper to do a feature story o...
Arkansas Radio Host Just Thankful Gregg Doyle Didn't Bite Off Any Extremities
Shawn Arnell isn't sure what he did to piss off CBS Sportsline columnist Gregg Doyle so badly. On Tuesday we detailed their radio interview in which Arnell, co-host of KARN's "Morning Animals" show in Little Rock (that's him to the right), jousted with the feisty online columnist about a piece he wr...
Puny Philadelphians; You Will Never Stop The Carnival Cruise Six-Story Piñata Of Doom
Despite its wish not to jinx the Phillies by prematurely planning a World Series victory parade, the City of Philadelphia tipped its hand on Tuesday in the most unlikely of ways; by disrespecting the world's largest piñata. It seems that Carnival Cruise Lines has spent months planning a huge event i...
ESPN Deems Bill Simmons' Fantasy Basketball Entrant NSFW
The Big Lead hopped on this story (via Hank Brockett) earlier today about ESPN forbidding Bill Simmons from having adult entertainer/blogger/ESPN fan boy Christian, of Christian Sings the Blues (NOT ANYWHERE CLOSE TO BEING SAFE FOR WORK), in his fantasy basketball league (along with roto dungeon mas...
New Guitar Hero Ad Gives You A Whole New Reason To Hate Tom Cruise
We mentioned this only in passing last week, because a) it was Friday afternoon, b) we didn't have an embeddable version of the video yet, and c) it's pretty embarrassing for everyone involved, including the viewer. You've probably seen Alex Rodriguez, Tony Hawk, Michael Phelps and Kobe Bryant bring...
Danyelle Sargent Is Trying to Put All of This Behind Her
Fox sportscaster and potty-mouthed vixen Danyelle Sargent went on Dan Patrick's SI radio show this morning, sounding beleaguered and contrite for her embarrassing Bill Walsh slip-up that unfortunately made the airwaves on Sunday and unleashed the wrath of Mike Francesa. This is her quote from Patric...
Time To Play: Guess Which Phillie Ripped Bud Selig?
Generally I don't use anonymous quotes, unless it's concerning something really big, like when a member of the Phillies sees Bud Selig in the clubhouse following the Game 5 rain delay and utters the immortal line: "I wouldn't let him supervise one of my shits." Who is this mystery poet? Personally m...
Charles Barkley Realizes Isiah Thomas Suicide Jokes Don't Play Well at Press Conferences
Charles Barkley, loudmouth TNT NBA analyst and potential 2014 gubernatorial nominee, may have finally crossed his own arbitrary tastelessness line. Barkley, commenting on the current state of the Knicks at a press conference, made this unfortunate quip about his old buddy Isiah Thomas, who recently ...
Gregg Doyel Is A Rather Disagreeable Little Fellow
When a national columnist is a guest on your radio show and he proceeds to call the local college quarterback a prostitute, and his his former coach a pimp, then you've got two things, my friend: Ratings gold, and a genuine douchebag. Welcome back to our stage, ladies and gentlemen, Gregg Doyel, who...
And It's A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall
I have to laugh at everyone who contends that God, Mother Nature, Snow Miser or whomever is cursing the Phillies with this rainout business. For a quick read on why we're still playing Game 5 of the World Series more than 24 hours after it should have ended, just check the calendar. It's nearly frea...
Life Lessons in Philadelphia Fandom: Nothing Comes Easy
So, Leitch just asked me this question: What would be worse — if the Phillies won the World Series on the five-inning mother nature rule or if they go on to lose this thing in 7 after this? I had to think about it. Obviously, if the Phillies lose this outright in the next three games (whenever those...
World Series Game Five Suspended; Phillies' One-Run Lead Delayed Rain Delay
For the entire World Series, it seems like the umpires had been under the mischievous magnifying glass of the sinister "Toy Story" neighbor Sid, just burning under the criticism. Little did you realize it'd go beyond the classic blown out-safe calls and wacky strike zones. Now it's about when to rol...
World Series Game Five Live Blog: Rays at Phillies
Well then. If Philadelphia gets a win from Cole "Lynchpin Of Hope" Hamels tonight, they win the World Series. If Scott "Zambrano" Kazmir can act as the stopper, then the Rays move the Series back to Catwalkdome and continue to fight from the corner they've put themselves in. If Tennessee wins, you'v...