el Page 2319 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
So, Which 2000 Laker Needs Some Cash?
The Los Angeles Lakers will tip off Thursday to try to win their 10th NBA championship, their fourth this decade. The first championship, in 2000, might have been the most exciting one, as Shaq finally got his first ring with Kobe finally breaking through as a winner. Heck, that ring must be awfully...
Chase Utley Is The Most Interesting Man In The World
Chase Utley is lighter than air, can charm the birds out of the trees and never forgets your birthday. His blood smells like cologne. He also makes diving, backhanded catches, has hit 21 home runs, will run into the catcher full tilt and is not opposed to bunting his way on base. On Monday, his hero...
Never Underestimate The Sex Appeal Of A Phillies' Fan Sidewalk-Napping In Her Own Chunk
This brilliantly disturbing photo (no, she's not dead, just sleepy) was captured last week by the ribald red-hatted rebel rousers who call themselves The Fightins.. No, it's not uncommon to find Phillies fans grossly intoxicated and laid out on the ground, but it is a wonder how this poor girl act...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while smoking, um, what is that again? ... • Arena Football: New York at Colorado (10:30 p.m., ET). Did you know that Kurt Warner is on the Dragons' roster? In case it doesn't work out with the Cardinals ... [ESPN2] • College Softball: Women's College World Series, at Oklahoma City, Ch...
Terrell Owens Can't Seem To Avoid Getting Photographed Near Jiggling Buttocks
Last we'd heard from Terrell Owens, he was angrily unleashing his lawyers upon the BangBros. after his photo "accidentally" showed up in the promo for "Spring Break Ass," the story of a spunky college co-ed and her fluffy badonka-donk's Miami misadventures....
Doc Rivers Is Now Living The High Life
Doc Rivers must be on top of the world right now. Not only are his Celtics — perhaps in spite of him — in the NBA Finals, but he's feeling secure enough to start buying property ... in Las Vegas, of all places....
Free Darko On Los Angeles-Boston
We're looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of Free Darko. Here's Free Darko's look at the NBA Finals matchup between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics. Your author is Bethlehem Shoals....
About Last Night
What you missed while attending a beauty pageant with Ronaldo ... • MLB: Santana makes it to 100, says he owes it all to clean living. Mets 6, Dodgers 1 • Tennis: If your name has vic on the end of it, congratulations. • Motor sports: Ryan Briscoe goes very fast, wins big trophy....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while keeping your opinions to yourself......
Jimmy Rollins Is Recognizable
The Gray Lady has an amusing piece today limning a day in the life of the slavering subhuman horde that is the habitual autograph hound. The column tags them as "Sharpie-wielding stalkers," which might be a terrible slight to stalkers everywhere. I mean, at least most stalkers know who they're purs...
Bill Simmons Puts On His Defeatist Hat
Oftentimes, Boston sports fans cringe when people uphold former Boston Sports Guy and current L.A. resident Bill Simmons' ramblings as a representative of their thoughts as a whole. And that's even when he thinks Boston teams are doing well. Some of them are taking added umbrage with Simmons' most ...
Noun. 1.) A Generalized Loss Of Feeling In The Testicles 2.) Roger Clemens
With Erin Andrews frolicking around backstage, who could blame eventual grand champion of the spelling world Sameer Mishra to let loose a little Freudian slip? How else is he supposed to sublimate that sexual energy? Rub your finger on your hand any harder and it's playing with yourself....
Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.! (Yes. Boston Is Going To The NBA Finals.)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has a funny feeling the Spurs aren't going to repeat this year. When he's not stating the glaringly obvious, he can be found mocking someone or something at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
NBA Playoffs: Celtics-Pistons, Game 6
Basketbawful has broken out the highest quality Wiccan spell components - coffin nails, dead sea salt, glory water, graveyard dirt, and a very phallic ritual candle - to uncover the darkest mysteries of tonight's NBA playoff game....
Red Auerbach, Early Anti-Flopping Advocate
Big kudos to Bullets Forever for discovering this suddenly topical clip of Red Auerbach extolling the evils of flopping. You tell 'em, Red....
Your 2008 Israeli Baseball League Season Tickets Are Now Worth Bubkes
A sad day, folks: The Israeli Baseball League has cancelled its 2008 season. We don't want to point any fingers, but, uh, you know, the players were chosen by former Red Sox GM Dan Duquette. Might be a factor....
Lakers Worship Shiny Ball, Advance To Finals
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has a funny feeling the Spurs aren't going to repeat this year. When he's not stating the glaringly obvious, he can be found mocking someone or something at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
NBA Playoffs: Lakers-Spurs, Game 5
Basketbawful has broken out the highest quality Wiccan spell components — coffin nails, dead sea salt, glory water, graveyard dirt, and a very phallic ritual candle — to uncover the darkest mysteries of tonight's NBA playoff game....
Ice Hockey At Wrigley Field: The End Times Are Here
If you think it would be fun to see Chicago fans reach onto the field of play and try to interfere with a puck instead of a baseball for a change, then you're in luck. The NHL's second Outdoor Winter Classic game will pit the Chicago Blackhawks against the Detroit Red Wings at Wrigley Field, accordi...
Dr. Neil Clark Warren Explains The Rare Chemistry Between Kobe Bryant And Pau Gasol
This is BALLS DEEP With Big Daddy Drew (Balls® is a registered trademark and has been used with the expressed written consent of AJ Daulerio). It's gonna be like an SI Point After column, only with dick jokes. You can email him here....