el Page 2417 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Nothing But Love From Larry Hughes
We can't possibly thank Mr. Irrelevant and Young, Black And Fabulous enough for pointing us in the direction of this outstanding photo of Cavaliers guard Larry Hughes, in Miami for Urban Beach Week this past weekend....
Santonio Holmes Already Becoming A Fine Replacement For Plaxico Burress
Former Ohio State receiver and Pittsburgh Steelers #1 draft pick Santonio Holmes was arrested in South Beach early Saturday morning, and unfortunately, it was not for masturbating in a public library. He's charged with disorderly conduct, and police say that he disrupted traffic and was verbally a...
NASCAR Gets An Asterisk Of Its Own
When the Coca-Cola 600 kicks off later today, Michael Waltrip will make his 262nd consecutive start, which ranks sixth on the all-time list. But I'm favor of adding a big fat asterisk to Waltrip's spot on the list, because he didn't earn his spot, he bought it....
Today In Soccer...
Germany 7-0 Luxembourg. Lots of international friendlies going on today in preparation for the World Cup, and you know, I don't think it would kill Germany to be nice to Luxembourg, just once. They unleashed a serious beating on the undermanned 'Bourgers today, with two goals each from Oliver Neuv...
More Hasselhoff On Your Friday Night Than You Probably Expected
The Mavericks found their groove against the Suns last night, winning 105-98, putting the series at 1-1 heading back to Phoenix. The three stars of the evening: Dirk Nowitzki, who had 30 points, 14 boards, and 6 assists. Josh Howard, who had 29 points and 7 boards. And David Hasselhoff, who is th...
Just Another Manic Monday
Before the week runs its course and we head into our pleasant weekend of barbecues and hangovers, we just wanted to once again salute the genius of CLEVELAND'S INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER Carl Monday, who continues to blow the lid of the cottage "jerking off in a library to get away from one's terrifyi...
Did ESPN Suspend Neil Everett? (Well, Apparently Not)
We hate to ruin the pleasant vibe of an intensely giggle-inducing day, but multiple sources from the Bristol complex have told us "with 97 percent certainty" that anchor Neil Everett, who famously dropped a "You're With Me, Leather" reference on SportsCenter, has been suspended from the network fo...
The Most Brilliant Thing You'll See All Day
So a local television station in Cleveland decided to put together an "investigative report" on the dangers of allowing your children to go to the public library....
A Brief History Of Quincy Carter
For those who remember, and for those who can't forget:...
We Mean Not To Offend, Joey
Now ... we are going to tread very carefully here ... we don't want any trouble ... we are just reporting facts ......
At Last, Nash And Nowitzki, Together Again
While trying to find video of a time when Mavericks coach Avery Johnson's voice was deep — we imagine it just one day rising, like reverse puberty — we came across this apparent promotional video for the Mavs. "The Avery Bunch" are heading to the Western Conference Finals, where they will face the P...
It's Western Conference March Madness
We know a few people, Midwesterners, mostly, sometimes with their own little biases, who claim to love college basketball but are left cold by the NBA. We don't understand this, but even they can't deny the beauty of tonight: Two games, both elimination, winners play each other in the conference fin...
The David Wells Mad Lib
Obviously, David Wells — as evidenced by his appearance on the waiver wire in just about every fantasy league we're in — is much more useful as a quote machine these days than as an actual baseball player. And he's never more amusing than when he's being edited to suit the taste of the delicate ne...
LeBron Finally Runs Out Of Magic Dust
As much as we loved the idea of LeBron James swooping from the heavens and lifting his team, all by his lonesome, into the conference finals and beyond, yesterday's easy win by the Pistons was pretty much inevitable. When you team is essentially just one player, and that one player scores only six p...
No, I'm Sorry, You Can't Get A Witness
A competitive first half gave way to a Detroit smothering in the second half, and the Detroit Pistons have advanced in the Eastern Conference playoffs. LeBron James had 27 total, but was held to just 6 points in the second half. Of course, those 6 points did account for over 25% of the Cavs total ...
This Feels... Big.
The Pistons and Cavs will be tipping off any minute now. I can't be sure of what, but we're about to witness something. I think just about everyone in the universe is rooting for the Cavs, with the exception of hardcore Pistons fans. Everyone either wants to see LeBron win, or wants to see LeBron...
And The Ones Get Sevens...
Screw "About Last Night!" After a night of basketball like that, it can be demoted to the two-spot......
LeBron Goes For It All Tonight
No. 1 email we've received over the last 48 hours: "Hey, asshead, still think LeBron's playoff debut is unremarkable?" (Answer: OK, maybe he's doing all right.)...
Danny Almonte Is Way Too Eager To Be An Adult
Remember Danny Almonte, the dominant Little League World Series star from The Bronx from a few years who turned out to be two years older than the maximum age? Well — at this should make anyone who remembers the Almonte business feel extremely old — he just got married ... and she's 11 years older...
It's Playoff Time! Everybody Grab A Ball!
Before we talk about last night's Clippers' win over the Suns, can we just say how disappointed we were that there wasn't a single incident of a grown man wounding the genitals of another grown man?...